do you get sad only having one child?

[Anonymous]

New poster here. I get sad being an only child. I'm an only child and my parents live on the West Coast (they retired out there). I have no other family--well I do have lots of cousins and aunts and uncles but they are not interested in a relationship with me and they all live thousands of miles away. It is a lonely, lonely place to be. We spend every holiday alone and it sucks. My DH's family is dysfunctional and awful and we have very little relationship with them other than his mother. Besides his mother they have not met our child.

We are new to this area and have no social support/social network. I've made a few friends but no one who is friends who are like family.

Anyhow, we have one child and plan to have another. I was so lonely as a child (we had no local family growing up so I didn't grow up with cousins). But I am 100 times lonelier as an adult, mainly due to having no siblings or relationships with family, and my parents living so far away. I don't want our child to be lonely like I was. So if we can have another child I would like to.

Personally, given my experiences as an only child, I think if you don't have local family that your child can grow up with and be close to then it's very important that the child have a sibling.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:First: I would be a very different parent if I had done it younger. And I think I would have been much worse. I was much more impulsive, easily angered, obsessed with travel and eating out. Oh I would have resented the heck out of my baby. I'm glad I waited until I got some perspective and mellowed out. It was not by choice but I'm glad my life worked out this way.

Second: There has actually been research to try to confirm the only child stereotypes (lonely, spoiled, poor social skills) and ... Nothing. It's just not true.

How exactly did the researchers measure this to disprove the stereotypes?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:First: I would be a very different parent if I had done it younger. And I think I would have been much worse. I was much more impulsive, easily angered, obsessed with travel and eating out. Oh I would have resented the heck out of my baby. I'm glad I waited until I got some perspective and mellowed out. It was not by choice but I'm glad my life worked out this way.

Second: There has actually been research to try to confirm the only child stereotypes (lonely, spoiled, poor social skills) and ... Nothing. It's just not true.

How exactly did the researchers measure this to disprove the stereotypes?

I wish I could find the article. I'm sorry I can't remember.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:New poster here. I get sad being an only child. I'm an only child and my parents live on the West Coast (they retired out there). I have no other family--well I do have lots of cousins and aunts and uncles but they are not interested in a relationship with me and they all live thousands of miles away. It is a lonely, lonely place to be. We spend every holiday alone and it sucks. My DH's family is dysfunctional and awful and we have very little relationship with them other than his mother. Besides his mother they have not met our child.

We are new to this area and have no social support/social network. I've made a few friends but no one who is friends who are like family.

Anyhow, we have one child and plan to have another. I was so lonely as a child (we had no local family growing up so I didn't grow up with cousins). But I am 100 times lonelier as an adult, mainly due to having no siblings or relationships with family, and my parents living so far away. I don't want our child to be lonely like I was. So if we can have another child I would like to.

Personally, given my experiences as an only child, I think if you don't have local family that your child can grow up with and be close to then it's very important that the child have a sibling.

I was wondering when Sad Mom with Parents on the West Coast would post!!! I hope you are getting some help to deal with your awful, lonely childhood. But your story is not typical of most only children (cold parents, no holiday celebrations, etc)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:First: I would be a very different parent if I had done it younger. And I think I would have been much worse. I was much more impulsive, easily angered, obsessed with travel and eating out. Oh I would have resented the heck out of my baby. I'm glad I waited until I got some perspective and mellowed out. It was not by choice but I'm glad my life worked out this way.

Second: There has actually been research to try to confirm the only child stereotypes (lonely, spoiled, poor social skills) and ... Nothing. It's just not true.

How exactly did the researchers measure this to disprove the stereotypes?

I wish I could find the article. I'm sorry I can't remember.

Lots of research on this, including some in the Nurtureshock book.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:New poster here. I get sad being an only child. I'm an only child and my parents live on the West Coast (they retired out there). I have no other family--well I do have lots of cousins and aunts and uncles but they are not interested in a relationship with me and they all live thousands of miles away. It is a lonely, lonely place to be. We spend every holiday alone and it sucks. My DH's family is dysfunctional and awful and we have very little relationship with them other than his mother. Besides his mother they have not met our child.

We are new to this area and have no social support/social network. I've made a few friends but no one who is friends who are like family.

Anyhow, we have one child and plan to have another. I was so lonely as a child (we had no local family growing up so I didn't grow up with cousins). But I am 100 times lonelier as an adult, mainly due to having no siblings or relationships with family, and my parents living so far away. I don't want our child to be lonely like I was. So if we can have another child I would like to.

Personally, given my experiences as an only child, I think if you don't have local family that your child can grow up with and be close to then it's very important that the child have a sibling.

I was wondering when Sad Mom with Parents on the West Coast would post!!! I hope you are getting some help to deal with your awful, lonely childhood. But your story is not typical of most only children (cold parents, no holiday celebrations, etc)

Yup, Sad mom here. I just wanted to share my experience. Being an only could be okay if the child grows up with lots of local family around. I didn't have that. In addition, my father worked 70 hour weeks and was never around. So it was just me and my mother most of the time. If there is no local family, it's just a lonely, lonely childhood. And I had a lot of friends as a child and went to school, camp, etc. and I still felt lonely most of the time. That loneliness has turned chronic as an adult and I feel sad every day about this. I am seeing a therapist to help with this issue. But the reality is that it's hard to make friends who are like family and spending evrey holiday alone is just depressing.

[Anonymous]

NP
I was in your boat, OP. Our only was adopted and at 7 is the light of our lives, but we have no close cousins living close by although we do have a set of late 70 grandparents. DC started asking for a sibling at 3 a did not stop. Meanwhile I also wanted another, my DH would have been more than happy with one. Long story short we are adopting again in our very late 40's. Yes we will work until 67 but we would have had to anyway, and we will be complete. I'm not saying this is the right path for you, but if you feel you can do it, there are many great agencies in this area (and many other older adoptive parents) who will help and support you. I should add that I am an only with just a few cousins nearby and I do feel the need for more family both for myself and DC.
Best to you!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:New poster here. I get sad being an only child. I'm an only child and my parents live on the West Coast (they retired out there). I have no other family--well I do have lots of cousins and aunts and uncles but they are not interested in a relationship with me and they all live thousands of miles away. It is a lonely, lonely place to be. We spend every holiday alone and it sucks. My DH's family is dysfunctional and awful and we have very little relationship with them other than his mother. Besides his mother they have not met our child.

We are new to this area and have no social support/social network. I've made a few friends but no one who is friends who are like family.

Anyhow, we have one child and plan to have another. I was so lonely as a child (we had no local family growing up so I didn't grow up with cousins). But I am 100 times lonelier as an adult, mainly due to having no siblings or relationships with family, and my parents living so far away. I don't want our child to be lonely like I was. So if we can have another child I would like to.

Personally, given my experiences as an only child, I think if you don't have local family that your child can grow up with and be close to then it's very important that the child have a sibling.

I was wondering when Sad Mom with Parents on the West Coast would post!!! I hope you are getting some help to deal with your awful, lonely childhood. But your story is not typical of most only children (cold parents, no holiday celebrations, etc)

Yup, Sad mom here. I just wanted to share my experience. Being an only could be okay if the child grows up with lots of local family around. I didn't have that. In addition, my father worked 70 hour weeks and was never around. So it was just me and my mother most of the time. If there is no local family, it's just a lonely, lonely childhood. And I had a lot of friends as a child and went to school, camp, etc. and I still felt lonely most of the time. That loneliness has turned chronic as an adult and I feel sad every day about this. I am seeing a therapist to help with this issue. But the reality is that it's hard to make friends who are like family and spending evrey holiday alone is just depressing.

NP here, seems like there were a lot more issues going on than not having a sibling. I wish you luck.

Signed a non-lonely only

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:New poster here. I get sad being an only child. I'm an only child and my parents live on the West Coast (they retired out there). I have no other family--well I do have lots of cousins and aunts and uncles but they are not interested in a relationship with me and they all live thousands of miles away. It is a lonely, lonely place to be. We spend every holiday alone and it sucks. My DH's family is dysfunctional and awful and we have very little relationship with them other than his mother. Besides his mother they have not met our child.

We are new to this area and have no social support/social network. I've made a few friends but no one who is friends who are like family.

Anyhow, we have one child and plan to have another. I was so lonely as a child (we had no local family growing up so I didn't grow up with cousins). But I am 100 times lonelier as an adult, mainly due to having no siblings or relationships with family, and my parents living so far away. I don't want our child to be lonely like I was. So if we can have another child I would like to.

Personally, given my experiences as an only child, I think if you don't have local family that your child can grow up with and be close to then it's very important that the child have a sibling.

I was wondering when Sad Mom with Parents on the West Coast would post!!! I hope you are getting some help to deal with your awful, lonely childhood. But your story is not typical of most only children (cold parents, no holiday celebrations, etc)

Yup, Sad mom here. I just wanted to share my experience. Being an only could be okay if the child grows up with lots of local family around. I didn't have that. In addition, my father worked 70 hour weeks and was never around. So it was just me and my mother most of the time. If there is no local family, it's just a lonely, lonely childhood. And I had a lot of friends as a child and went to school, camp, etc. and I still felt lonely most of the time. That loneliness has turned chronic as an adult and I feel sad every day about this. I am seeing a therapist to help with this issue. But the reality is that it's hard to make friends who are like family and spending evrey holiday alone is just depressing.

Wow. It seems like you are a regular since others know you but I've never seen you post before. I would strongly encourage you to continue therapy and maybe get medicated. You sound depressed and that has nothing to do with you being an only child.

I have one sibling. We are very close. He lives on the west coast. We rarely get to see each other and never on holidays. My parents are not involved and don't live close. My in-laws are dead. We have no local family and never will. We spend all of our holidays either alone or with friends. I have an incredibly full life with tons of friends, a precious few who really ARE like family and lots of others that I just enjoy. I am not lonely every day. I am not saying this to make you feel bad, but to let you know that you're using the only child thing as a scapegoat and you have other issues. You could have 10 kids and in-laws over every day and you will still be you and feel this way. There's no reason you should feel sad every day. Good luck.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:First: I would be a very different parent if I had done it younger. And I think I would have been much worse. I was much more impulsive, easily angered, obsessed with travel and eating out. Oh I would have resented the heck out of my baby. I'm glad I waited until I got some perspective and mellowed out. It was not by choice but I'm glad my life worked out this way.

Second: There has actually been research to try to confirm the only child stereotypes (lonely, spoiled, poor social skills) and ... Nothing. It's just not true.

How exactly did the researchers measure this to disprove the stereotypes?

I wish I could find the article. I'm sorry I can't remember.

It's in a book called Nurture Shock that was huge several years ago. If you google, it will pop right up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:New poster here. I get sad being an only child. I'm an only child and my parents live on the West Coast (they retired out there). I have no other family--well I do have lots of cousins and aunts and uncles but they are not interested in a relationship with me and they all live thousands of miles away. It is a lonely, lonely place to be. We spend every holiday alone and it sucks. My DH's family is dysfunctional and awful and we have very little relationship with them other than his mother. Besides his mother they have not met our child.

We are new to this area and have no social support/social network. I've made a few friends but no one who is friends who are like family.

Anyhow, we have one child and plan to have another. I was so lonely as a child (we had no local family growing up so I didn't grow up with cousins). But I am 100 times lonelier as an adult, mainly due to having no siblings or relationships with family, and my parents living so far away. I don't want our child to be lonely like I was. So if we can have another child I would like to.

Personally, given my experiences as an only child, I think if you don't have local family that your child can grow up with and be close to then it's very important that the child have a sibling.

I was wondering when Sad Mom with Parents on the West Coast would post!!! I hope you are getting some help to deal with your awful, lonely childhood. But your story is not typical of most only children (cold parents, no holiday celebrations, etc)

Yup, Sad mom here. I just wanted to share my experience. Being an only could be okay if the child grows up with lots of local family around. I didn't have that. In addition, my father worked 70 hour weeks and was never around. So it was just me and my mother most of the time. If there is no local family, it's just a lonely, lonely childhood. And I had a lot of friends as a child and went to school, camp, etc. and I still felt lonely most of the time. That loneliness has turned chronic as an adult and I feel sad every day about this. I am seeing a therapist to help with this issue. But the reality is that it's hard to make friends who are like family and spending evrey holiday alone is just depressing.

Wow. It seems like you are a regular since others know you but I've never seen you post before. I would strongly encourage you to continue therapy and maybe get medicated. You sound depressed and that has nothing to do with you being an only child.

I have one sibling. We are very close. He lives on the west coast. We rarely get to see each other and never on holidays. My parents are not involved and don't live close. My in-laws are dead. We have no local family and never will. We spend all of our holidays either alone or with friends. I have an incredibly full life with tons of friends, a precious few who really ARE like family and lots of others that I just enjoy. I am not lonely every day. I am not saying this to make you feel bad, but to let you know that you're using the only child thing as a scapegoat and you have other issues. You could have 10 kids and in-laws over every day and you will still be you and feel this way. There's no reason you should feel sad every day. Good luck.

Sad mom here. It's great for you that you have tons of friends here but that is not the case for everyone. We are new to the area on top of having no local family and it is very hard to make friends when you're in your 30s and move somewhere knowing no one, let alone making true friends. I am out there constantly, trying to make friends and build a community for us, and 99% of the time I am rejected. Yes, there are other issues like the fact that my husband works 70 hour weeks plus weekends so that makes my loneliness much worse. But not having any support network, or social/emotional support really sucks. Having local family would make all the difference. But we don't have that here so I want to have another child, so my child doesn't feel lonely like I did.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:New poster here. I get sad being an only child. I'm an only child and my parents live on the West Coast (they retired out there). I have no other family--well I do have lots of cousins and aunts and uncles but they are not interested in a relationship with me and they all live thousands of miles away. It is a lonely, lonely place to be. We spend every holiday alone and it sucks. My DH's family is dysfunctional and awful and we have very little relationship with them other than his mother. Besides his mother they have not met our child.

We are new to this area and have no social support/social network. I've made a few friends but no one who is friends who are like family.

Anyhow, we have one child and plan to have another. I was so lonely as a child (we had no local family growing up so I didn't grow up with cousins). But I am 100 times lonelier as an adult, mainly due to having no siblings or relationships with family, and my parents living so far away. I don't want our child to be lonely like I was. So if we can have another child I would like to.

Personally, given my experiences as an only child, I think if you don't have local family that your child can grow up with and be close to then it's very important that the child have a sibling.

I was wondering when Sad Mom with Parents on the West Coast would post!!! I hope you are getting some help to deal with your awful, lonely childhood. But your story is not typical of most only children (cold parents, no holiday celebrations, etc)

Yup, Sad mom here. I just wanted to share my experience. Being an only could be okay if the child grows up with lots of local family around. I didn't have that. In addition, my father worked 70 hour weeks and was never around. So it was just me and my mother most of the time. If there is no local family, it's just a lonely, lonely childhood. And I had a lot of friends as a child and went to school, camp, etc. and I still felt lonely most of the time. That loneliness has turned chronic as an adult and I feel sad every day about this. I am seeing a therapist to help with this issue. But the reality is that it's hard to make friends who are like family and spending evrey holiday alone is just depressing.

Wow. It seems like you are a regular since others know you but I've never seen you post before. I would strongly encourage you to continue therapy and maybe get medicated. You sound depressed and that has nothing to do with you being an only child.

I have one sibling. We are very close. He lives on the west coast. We rarely get to see each other and never on holidays. My parents are not involved and don't live close. My in-laws are dead. We have no local family and never will. We spend all of our holidays either alone or with friends. I have an incredibly full life with tons of friends, a precious few who really ARE like family and lots of others that I just enjoy. I am not lonely every day. I am not saying this to make you feel bad, but to let you know that you're using the only child thing as a scapegoat and you have other issues. You could have 10 kids and in-laws over every day and you will still be you and feel this way. There's no reason you should feel sad every day. Good luck.

Sad mom here. It's great for you that you have tons of friends here but that is not the case for everyone. We are new to the area on top of having no local family and it is very hard to make friends when you're in your 30s and move somewhere knowing no one, let alone making true friends. I am out there constantly, trying to make friends and build a community for us, and 99% of the time I am rejected. Yes, there are other issues like the fact that my husband works 70 hour weeks plus weekends so that makes my loneliness much worse. But not having any support network, or social/emotional support really sucks. Having local family would make all the difference. But we don't have that here so I want to have another child, so my child doesn't feel lonely like I did.

It is great for me! And of course it's not the case for everyone. I do and always have worked very hard to find and maintain friendships. It doesn't land in your lap. If you are getting rejected 99 percent of the time, there is a reason!!!! (First reason might be, honestly, that you sound like a complete victim-type personality and a Debbie Downer.) Figure out that reason and stop focusing on the only child/sibling issue. It's a red herring. The point is you would feel lonely no matter what because you're depressed or have other issues and who knows, your kid(s) might too. Siblings isn't the issue.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:New poster here. I get sad being an only child. I'm an only child and my parents live on the West Coast (they retired out there). I have no other family--well I do have lots of cousins and aunts and uncles but they are not interested in a relationship with me and they all live thousands of miles away. It is a lonely, lonely place to be. We spend every holiday alone and it sucks. My DH's family is dysfunctional and awful and we have very little relationship with them other than his mother. Besides his mother they have not met our child.

We are new to this area and have no social support/social network. I've made a few friends but no one who is friends who are like family.

Anyhow, we have one child and plan to have another. I was so lonely as a child (we had no local family growing up so I didn't grow up with cousins). But I am 100 times lonelier as an adult, mainly due to having no siblings or relationships with family, and my parents living so far away. I don't want our child to be lonely like I was. So if we can have another child I would like to.

Personally, given my experiences as an only child, I think if you don't have local family that your child can grow up with and be close to then it's very important that the child have a sibling.

Flipside from a person with siblings: I have two brothers. One I loved very much who struggled with mental illness and died by suicide. The other sexually molested me when I was in middle school. (We are cordial today, but I'm glad we live nowhere near one another.)

Sibling rivalry is real and can be very, very damaging to a child. Limited attention from parents, limited resources, more conflict, less peace, less time -- siblings are no guarantee as a cure from loneliness or a path to happiness. I was plenty lonely as a child. I just rarely had time to be alone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:New poster here. I get sad being an only child. I'm an only child and my parents live on the West Coast (they retired out there). I have no other family--well I do have lots of cousins and aunts and uncles but they are not interested in a relationship with me and they all live thousands of miles away. It is a lonely, lonely place to be. We spend every holiday alone and it sucks. My DH's family is dysfunctional and awful and we have very little relationship with them other than his mother. Besides his mother they have not met our child.

We are new to this area and have no social support/social network. I've made a few friends but no one who is friends who are like family.

Anyhow, we have one child and plan to have another. I was so lonely as a child (we had no local family growing up so I didn't grow up with cousins). But I am 100 times lonelier as an adult, mainly due to having no siblings or relationships with family, and my parents living so far away. I don't want our child to be lonely like I was. So if we can have another child I would like to.

Personally, given my experiences as an only child, I think if you don't have local family that your child can grow up with and be close to then it's very important that the child have a sibling.

Flipside from a person with siblings: I have two brothers. One I loved very much who struggled with mental illness and died by suicide. The other sexually molested me when I was in middle school. (We are cordial today, but I'm glad we live nowhere near one another.)

Sibling rivalry is real and can be very, very damaging to a child. Limited attention from parents, limited resources, more conflict, less peace, less time -- siblings are no guarantee as a cure from loneliness or a path to happiness. I was plenty lonely as a child. I just rarely had time to be alone.

This just about made me cry. Sad mom, you need to listen to this poster.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:New poster here. I get sad being an only child. I'm an only child and my parents live on the West Coast (they retired out there). I have no other family--well I do have lots of cousins and aunts and uncles but they are not interested in a relationship with me and they all live thousands of miles away. It is a lonely, lonely place to be. We spend every holiday alone and it sucks. My DH's family is dysfunctional and awful and we have very little relationship with them other than his mother. Besides his mother they have not met our child.

We are new to this area and have no social support/social network. I've made a few friends but no one who is friends who are like family.

Anyhow, we have one child and plan to have another. I was so lonely as a child (we had no local family growing up so I didn't grow up with cousins). But I am 100 times lonelier as an adult, mainly due to having no siblings or relationships with family, and my parents living so far away. I don't want our child to be lonely like I was. So if we can have another child I would like to.

Personally, given my experiences as an only child, I think if you don't have local family that your child can grow up with and be close to then it's very important that the child have a sibling.

I was wondering when Sad Mom with Parents on the West Coast would post!!! I hope you are getting some help to deal with your awful, lonely childhood. But your story is not typical of most only children (cold parents, no holiday celebrations, etc)

Yup, Sad mom here. I just wanted to share my experience. Being an only could be okay if the child grows up with lots of local family around. I didn't have that. In addition, my father worked 70 hour weeks and was never around. So it was just me and my mother most of the time. If there is no local family, it's just a lonely, lonely childhood. And I had a lot of friends as a child and went to school, camp, etc. and I still felt lonely most of the time. That loneliness has turned chronic as an adult and I feel sad every day about this. I am seeing a therapist to help with this issue. But the reality is that it's hard to make friends who are like family and spending evrey holiday alone is just depressing.

Wow. It seems like you are a regular since others know you but I've never seen you post before. I would strongly encourage you to continue therapy and maybe get medicated. You sound depressed and that has nothing to do with you being an only child.

I have one sibling. We are very close. He lives on the west coast. We rarely get to see each other and never on holidays. My parents are not involved and don't live close. My in-laws are dead. We have no local family and never will. We spend all of our holidays either alone or with friends. I have an incredibly full life with tons of friends, a precious few who really ARE like family and lots of others that I just enjoy. I am not lonely every day. I am not saying this to make you feel bad, but to let you know that you're using the only child thing as a scapegoat and you have other issues. You could have 10 kids and in-laws over every day and you will still be you and feel this way. There's no reason you should feel sad every day. Good luck.

Sad mom here. It's great for you that you have tons of friends here but that is not the case for everyone. We are new to the area on top of having no local family and it is very hard to make friends when you're in your 30s and move somewhere knowing no one, let alone making true friends. I am out there constantly, trying to make friends and build a community for us, and 99% of the time I am rejected. Yes, there are other issues like the fact that my husband works 70 hour weeks plus weekends so that makes my loneliness much worse. But not having any support network, or social/emotional support really sucks. Having local family would make all the difference. But we don't have that here so I want to have another child, so my child doesn't feel lonely like I did.

NP who was wondering when Sad Mom Who Didn't Get To Have Holidays would show up and make it all about her. Do you really have to bomb every single thread about only children with your story of lonely woe? You've been told again and again that your incredibly dysfunctional family most likely would not have been fixed by having more children in it.

Please have some consideration for OPs and stop derailing every single thread.