do you get sad only having one child?

[Anonymous]

No. I never get sad having one child - she is perfect and my one and only.

I am si fricking sick of people asking this question. I never ever wanted more than one child and I got the most wonderful girl.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:New poster here. I get sad being an only child. I'm an only child and my parents live on the West Coast (they retired out there). I have no other family--well I do have lots of cousins and aunts and uncles but they are not interested in a relationship with me and they all live thousands of miles away. It is a lonely, lonely place to be. We spend every holiday alone and it sucks. My DH's family is dysfunctional and awful and we have very little relationship with them other than his mother. Besides his mother they have not met our child.

We are new to this area and have no social support/social network. I've made a few friends but no one who is friends who are like family.

Anyhow, we have one child and plan to have another. I was so lonely as a child (we had no local family growing up so I didn't grow up with cousins). But I am 100 times lonelier as an adult, mainly due to having no siblings or relationships with family, and my parents living so far away. I don't want our child to be lonely like I was. So if we can have another child I would like to.

Personally, given my experiences as an only child, I think if you don't have local family that your child can grow up with and be close to then it's very important that the child have a sibling.

I was wondering when Sad Mom with Parents on the West Coast would post!!! I hope you are getting some help to deal with your awful, lonely childhood. But your story is not typical of most only children (cold parents, no holiday celebrations, etc)

Yup, Sad mom here. I just wanted to share my experience. Being an only could be okay if the child grows up with lots of local family around. I didn't have that. In addition, my father worked 70 hour weeks and was never around. So it was just me and my mother most of the time. If there is no local family, it's just a lonely, lonely childhood. And I had a lot of friends as a child and went to school, camp, etc. and I still felt lonely most of the time. That loneliness has turned chronic as an adult and I feel sad every day about this. I am seeing a therapist to help with this issue. But the reality is that it's hard to make friends who are like family and spending evrey holiday alone is just depressing.[/quote]

This is really really all on you. You've had your whole life to make these connections.

Signed, another Only Child who is not lonely because she has: children, a husband, in-laws, friends, co-workers, people from church, schoolmates, etc.

[Anonymous]

Nope. We had our one and only when I was 31. I did not want any, but my husband did so we compromised on whatever came out of one pregnancy. We are very happy with our one and have never wanted more.

[Anonymous]

No. Never. And I resent the question.

How sad for your child to feel like she/he is not enough, OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:New poster here. I get sad being an only child. I'm an only child and my parents live on the West Coast (they retired out there). I have no other family--well I do have lots of cousins and aunts and uncles but they are not interested in a relationship with me and they all live thousands of miles away. It is a lonely, lonely place to be. We spend every holiday alone and it sucks. My DH's family is dysfunctional and awful and we have very little relationship with them other than his mother. Besides his mother they have not met our child.

We are new to this area and have no social support/social network. I've made a few friends but no one who is friends who are like family.

Anyhow, we have one child and plan to have another. I was so lonely as a child (we had no local family growing up so I didn't grow up with cousins). But I am 100 times lonelier as an adult, mainly due to having no siblings or relationships with family, and my parents living so far away. I don't want our child to be lonely like I was. So if we can have another child I would like to.

Personally, given my experiences as an only child, I think if you don't have local family that your child can grow up with and be close to then it's very important that the child have a sibling.

I was wondering when Sad Mom with Parents on the West Coast would post!!! I hope you are getting some help to deal with your awful, lonely childhood. But your story is not typical of most only children (cold parents, no holiday celebrations, etc)

Yup, Sad mom here. I just wanted to share my experience. Being an only could be okay if the child grows up with lots of local family around. I didn't have that. In addition, my father worked 70 hour weeks and was never around. So it was just me and my mother most of the time. If there is no local family, it's just a lonely, lonely childhood. And I had a lot of friends as a child and went to school, camp, etc. and I still felt lonely most of the time. That loneliness has turned chronic as an adult and I feel sad every day about this. I am seeing a therapist to help with this issue. But the reality is that it's hard to make friends who are like family and spending evrey holiday alone is just depressing.

I remember you posting before and thought you were at best an extreme introvert or maybe depressed. Have you seen someone to deal with your issues?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hey, Sad Mom, your post is totally unrelated to the OP's question. Stop derailing threads about only children with your sad tale of your dysfunctional family and your miserable life.

Post is related. The thread asks whether people are sad having only one child. Sad mom is describing her experience as an only child.

I'm an only too, and the rest of my family apart from my parents lived abroad. I also decided to have two, for the same reasons as sad mom.

That's a weird reason to have 2.

Someone who has not relationship with her sibling.

[Anonymous]

OP here. Wow, this thread has really taken on a life of its own.

Thanks to all of you.

2008, good for you that you never feel sad. I never said I didn't think my child was enough. She is more than enough. She is all we could have ever dreamed of. She is an absolute gift from God. Please don't put words in my mouth or put me down to try and make yourself feel better.

Sometimes, you're caught off guard with your feelings and that's what happened to me today. I am encouraged by so many of the positive comments to my original post. It's quite rare for me to feel sad about my life, because it's wonderful. Still, I'm glad to know I'm not the only one who has these feelings from time to time.

For Sad Mom, I didn't realize you were a regular poster. This is the first time I've seen anything from you. I'm sorry you had a childhood that made you feel less than and an adulthood that leaves you lacking. No one deserves that. Keep working on your own happiness, and I hope that things will look up one day.

The rest of you, carry on with the snarkiness. I'm sure it will continue....

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No. Never. And I resent the question.

How sad for your child to feel like she/he is not enough, OP.

Go away. You "resent" the question, really? EVERYONE has to have the same thoughts and feelings as you? What a small and mean response.

[Anonymous]

A lot of the responses on this thread are really cruel, even for DCUM standards. To those of you who felt the need to take cheap shots at Sad Mom, well, you all really need to take a break from DCUM for a while, I'd say. Sad Mom, I'm sorry you had to deal with those responses, and I am really happy to hear you're in therapy and I encourage you to stick with it.

OP, I will be the first to admit on this thread that I don't just get sad every now and then, I am absolutely in the throes of sadness right now as I try to accept that I will be the mother of an only child. I am 37 and I have an amazing DD who is almost 5. She talks a lot about wanting a sister, she has imaginary sisters with whom she has imaginary adventures that she then recounts to me. I want to have another child, but I have a medical condition that has made it very difficult and I am fairly certain it isn't meant to be.

And, like Sad Mom, I grew up horribly lonely. I planned for a life filled with lots of children. I know that isn't the one and only perfect solution, but is hard to let go of that vision. Friends who had their first babies around the time my DD was born are now welcoming their 2nd and even 3rd children. I am jealous and weepy in private, and I am not sure how to work through this feeling.

And no, my desire for more children is not the equivalent of me saying my DD is "not enough." She is an incredible little girl and I feel honored to be her mom. In fact it's the absolutely breathtaking feeling I get when I think of how much I love her that really reminds me why I wish so badly for the chance to have another child.

OP, I feel for you. It is hard. All the best to you.

[Anonymous]

OP here, 2116. I'm with you 1000 percent. I am sorry for what you're going through. I'm one of 4, and DH & I are both from large extended families, so I always wanted a bunch.

My DD also has imaginary adventures with brothers and sisters. It's really sweet and cute and sometimes heartbreaking when I long for what I wished I could give her. We have a wonderful life and I will do everything in my power to make sure she's connected to and surrounded by tons of families and friends and opportunities..

Wishing you all the best.

[Anonymous]

No not sad at all. I never really wanted kids but DH did so we compromised on one. Some days I think OMG I should have said no others I think she's the most awesome thing in the world. But I know I couldn't handle more than one and DH who originally wanted 3 or 4 now admits one is more than enough for us.

[Anonymous]

I would have liked to have had two, but my life didn't work out that way! And I'm lucky that my one is awesome and smart and healthy and has a great personality.

yeah, she would love to have a sibling and that's not happening. I do feel bad sometimes about that. But our life works with the one kid and there is a pretty good chance I would get overwhelmed with two, so I try to remember that.