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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]New poster here.  I get sad being an only child.  I'm an only child and my parents live on the West Coast (they retired out there).  I have no other family--well I do have lots of cousins and aunts and uncles but they are not interested in a relationship with me and they all live thousands of miles away.  It is a lonely, lonely place to be.  We spend every holiday alone and it sucks.  My DH's family is dysfunctional and awful and we have very little relationship with them other than his mother.  Besides his mother they have not met our child.

We are new to this area and have no social support/social network.  I've made a few friends but no one who is friends who are like family.

Anyhow, we have one child and plan to have another.  I was so lonely as a child (we had no local family growing up so I didn't grow up with cousins).  But I am 100 times lonelier as an adult, mainly due to having no siblings or relationships with family, and my parents living so far away.  I don't want our child to be lonely like I was.  So if we can have another child I would like to.

Personally, given my experiences as an only child, I think if you don't have local family that your child can grow up with and be close to then it's very important that the child have a sibling.

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I was wondering when Sad Mom with Parents on the West Coast would post!!! I hope you are getting some help to deal with your awful, lonely childhood. But your story is not typical of most only children (cold parents, no holiday celebrations, etc)[/quote]

Yup, Sad mom here.  I just wanted to share my experience.  Being an only could be okay if the child grows up with lots of local family around.  I didn't have that.  In addition, my father worked 70 hour weeks and was never around.  So it was just me and my mother most of the time.  If there is no local family, it's just a lonely, lonely childhood.  And I had a lot of friends as a child and went to school, camp, etc. and I still felt lonely most of the time.  That loneliness has turned chronic as an adult and I feel sad every day about this.  I am seeing a therapist to help with this issue.  But the reality is that it's hard to make friends who are like family and spending evrey holiday alone is just depressing.[/quote]

Wow.  It seems like you are a regular since others know you but I've never seen you post before.  I would strongly encourage you to continue therapy and maybe get medicated.  You sound depressed and that has nothing to do with you being an only child.

I have one sibling.  We are very close.  He lives on the west coast.  We rarely get to see each other and never on holidays.  My parents are not involved and don't live close.  My in-laws are dead.  We have no local family and never will.  We spend all of our holidays either alone or with friends.  I have an incredibly full life with tons of friends, a precious few who really ARE like family and lots of others that I just enjoy.  I am not lonely every day.  I am not saying this to make you feel bad, but to let you know that you're using the only child thing as a scapegoat and you have other issues.  You could have 10 kids and in-laws over every day and you will still be you and feel this way.  There's no reason you should feel sad every day.  Good luck.[/quote]

Sad mom here.  It's great for you that you have tons of friends here but that is not the case for everyone.  We are new to the area on top of having no local family and it is very hard to make friends when you're in your 30s and move somewhere knowing no one, let alone making true friends.  I am out there constantly, trying to make friends and build a community for us, and 99% of the time I am rejected.  Yes, there are other issues like the fact that my husband works 70 hour weeks plus weekends so that makes my loneliness much worse.   But not having any support network, or social/emotional support really sucks.  Having local family would make all the difference.  But we don't have that here so I want to have another child, so my child doesn't feel lonely like I did.  [/quote]

It is great for me!  And of course it's not the case for everyone.  I do and always have worked very hard to find and maintain friendships.  It doesn't land in your lap.  If you are getting rejected 99 percent of the time, there is a reason!!!!  (First reason might be, honestly, that you sound like a complete victim-type personality and a Debbie Downer.) Figure out that reason and stop focusing on the only child/sibling issue.  It's a red herring.  The point is you would feel lonely no matter what because you're depressed or have other issues and who knows, your kid(s) might too.  Siblings isn't the issue.[/quote]

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