How to talk race and diversity with a preschooler?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Holy shit, if my kid said that her entire world would stop. "How would you feel if all the kids with the coolest toys wouldn't let you play because you're white? We are all the same on the inside. We all bleed red blood. Our own president is black. You really wouldn't play with his daughters because they have dark skin?"

I would make it VERY clear RIGHT AWAY that we don't treat people poorly or ignore them because of how they are born!

If you do this to a 3.5 year old, the kid will stop sharing his weird thoughts but won't stop having them. If your goal is to raise a loving, reasonable person who can see that skin color is not relevant to a person's worth, you won't freak out on the kid. That's the worst thing you can do.

Oh, and to the hate speech poster. Get a grip. Preschoolers sometimes say they don't like any kid who is a boy or who is a girl. That doesn't make them inherent sexists. This kid has friends and role models who aren't white. He's not about to launch a hate campaign. He's apparently heard an adult or an older child say something terrible and he's trying to figure it out. He does want to know how his parents will react to his statements but screaming at him won't help. My white kindergartener, and many other young children, is so confused by the idea that anyone ever would or ever has treated people differently based on their skin that he keeps trying to figure out why. It makes no sense to him because it is nonsensical. The OP's young child isn't evil.

OMG -- You are plain wrong, mislead, misinformed, and just not that bright. You actually believe that you do not tell a child how to treat other people and then back it up by demonstrating that yourself? ARE YOU FREAKING KIDDING ME?!!!!!!!!!
No one said anything about screaming at a child -- but you say it every seriously -- to convey the importance of it.
Geez!

Okay, now you are either just pretending not to understand or you don't want to understand because you like feeling superior. No one is saying don't tell the child that people are equal and that we treat them equally.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Holy shit, if my kid said that her entire world would stop. "How would you feel if all the kids with the coolest toys wouldn't let you play because you're white? We are all the same on the inside. We all bleed red blood. Our own president is black. You really wouldn't play with his daughters because they have dark skin?"

I would make it VERY clear RIGHT AWAY that we don't treat people poorly or ignore them because of how they are born!

Whoa. Try therapy.

I don't need therapy. My kid does not get to walk around unintentionally practicing to be in the KKK. We are Jewish, and people can't see that just by looking at us. We are lucky in that regard, because a lot of the same people who hate blacks hate Jews. When I overheard my kid singsong "No boys allowed" at age 4, I zipped right over and pulled her away from the playground structure to have a serious talk. We do NOT exclude people for how they were born.

No one is disagreeing that we won't allow our children to grow up to be racists. The question is what is the best method to get there. You think that fast and dramatic action is best, and apparently you think it is the best way to show your own non-racist bona fides, but I think your method can be counterproductive and my goal isn't to prove to others that my child isn't racist, my goal is to make him not racist. I don't want my child to not be racist because I told him so. I want him to know and understand human equality. OP can ask her child, calmly and quietly, if the child would be a different person with different eye color? Would mommy be different if she had a different skin color? No and no. OP's child has a best friend who is black; OP can ask the child how sad he would be if he hadn't become friends with that child. We can have a war on racism without bombing the crap out of small children.

OMG ! How is anyone "bombing" small children? It's telling them and teaching them HOW TO TREAT PEOPLE. Just like if my kid was hitting someone with a stick -- quick response of "Stop, we don't do that, it can hurt the person" and you have a deeper discussion about empathy -- one fit for their level of discussion.
But - yes, it is important to let them know from the beginning that those kinds of comments and judgements are not tolerated, acceptable or "good".
Wow! You seem like a particularly sensitive and naive person. Must be nice, guess you were never the kid who got comments related to your color, race, hair texture, etc. If so, I would venture that you would have a broader understanding of the entire issue.
#whiteprivilege
#whitepeopletellingpeopleofcolorhowtoteachwhitepeopletonotberacist

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Holy shit, if my kid said that her entire world would stop. "How would you feel if all the kids with the coolest toys wouldn't let you play because you're white? We are all the same on the inside. We all bleed red blood. Our own president is black. You really wouldn't play with his daughters because they have dark skin?"

I would make it VERY clear RIGHT AWAY that we don't treat people poorly or ignore them because of how they are born!

If you do this to a 3.5 year old, the kid will stop sharing his weird thoughts but won't stop having them. If your goal is to raise a loving, reasonable person who can see that skin color is not relevant to a person's worth, you won't freak out on the kid. That's the worst thing you can do.

Oh, and to the hate speech poster. Get a grip. Preschoolers sometimes say they don't like any kid who is a boy or who is a girl. That doesn't make them inherent sexists. This kid has friends and role models who aren't white. He's not about to launch a hate campaign. He's apparently heard an adult or an older child say something terrible and he's trying to figure it out. He does want to know how his parents will react to his statements but screaming at him won't help. My white kindergartener, and many other young children, is so confused by the idea that anyone ever would or ever has treated people differently based on their skin that he keeps trying to figure out why. It makes no sense to him because it is nonsensical. The OP's young child isn't evil.

OMG -- You are plain wrong, mislead, misinformed, and just not that bright. You actually believe that you do not tell a child how to treat other people and then back it up by demonstrating that yourself? ARE YOU FREAKING KIDDING ME?!!!!!!!!!
No one said anything about screaming at a child -- but you say it every seriously -- to convey the importance of it.
Geez!

Okay, now you are either just pretending not to understand or you don't want to understand because you like feeling superior. No one is saying don't tell the child that people are equal and that we treat them equally.

You cannot read!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Holy shit, if my kid said that her entire world would stop. "How would you feel if all the kids with the coolest toys wouldn't let you play because you're white? We are all the same on the inside. We all bleed red blood. Our own president is black. You really wouldn't play with his daughters because they have dark skin?"

I would make it VERY clear RIGHT AWAY that we don't treat people poorly or ignore them because of how they are born!

Whoa. Try therapy.

I don't need therapy. My kid does not get to walk around unintentionally practicing to be in the KKK. We are Jewish, and people can't see that just by looking at us. We are lucky in that regard, because a lot of the same people who hate blacks hate Jews. When I overheard my kid singsong "No boys allowed" at age 4, I zipped right over and pulled her away from the playground structure to have a serious talk. We do NOT exclude people for how they were born.

No one is disagreeing that we won't allow our children to grow up to be racists. The question is what is the best method to get there. You think that fast and dramatic action is best, and apparently you think it is the best way to show your own non-racist bona fides, but I think your method can be counterproductive and my goal isn't to prove to others that my child isn't racist, my goal is to make him not racist. I don't want my child to not be racist because I told him so. I want him to know and understand human equality. OP can ask her child, calmly and quietly, if the child would be a different person with different eye color? Would mommy be different if she had a different skin color? No and no. OP's child has a best friend who is black; OP can ask the child how sad he would be if he hadn't become friends with that child. We can have a war on racism without bombing the crap out of small children.

OMG ! How is anyone "bombing" small children? It's telling them and teaching them HOW TO TREAT PEOPLE. Just like if my kid was hitting someone with a stick -- quick response of "Stop, we don't do that, it can hurt the person" and you have a deeper discussion about empathy -- one fit for their level of discussion.
But - yes, it is important to let them know from the beginning that those kinds of comments and judgements are not tolerated, acceptable or "good".
Wow! You seem like a particularly sensitive and naive person. Must be nice, guess you were never the kid who got comments related to your color, race, hair texture, etc. If so, I would venture that you would have a broader understanding of the entire issue.
#whiteprivilege
#whitepeopletellingpeopleofcolorhowtoteachwhitepeopletonotberacist

Shut up, you #angryblackwomanwhoassumeseveryonewhodisagreeswithheriswhite

Jesus. I am so relieved you don't interact with any children but your own anymore. You're toxic.

[Anonymous]

I'll ignore the crazy above and just say to OP, who is here trying to do the right thing, that I would focus on how your child will think in the end, not just on what he says. If he thinks correctly about race, what he says and how he treats people will follow.

This isn't like teaching a child not to hit with a stick. Kids know why they shouldn't do that and they don't get mixed signals. Your child has overheard some adult or older child saying something racist and that is confusing to him. If he's observant he already knows or will one day know that some people don't believe we are all equal. Laying the groundwork against that should be your goal. With you as his mom, I'm sure he'll get there sooner rather than later.

[Anonymous]

Just to be clear, I'm not 11:36 but I am the person the angry hashtag user was attacking. A number of us here disagree and we have different ways of expressing it.

[Anonymous]

My son (3yo) hasn't started to make racist statements yet - I understand this can be a developmental/identification stage (I have x hair, friend has y hair. I'm a boy, x is a girl, etc), but we started talking about how everyone looks different, and how fun it is that we all look different. I'm hoping this will make that phase easier, but I guess time will tell.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Holy shit, if my kid said that her entire world would stop. "How would you feel if all the kids with the coolest toys wouldn't let you play because you're white? We are all the same on the inside. We all bleed red blood. Our own president is black. You really wouldn't play with his daughters because they have dark skin?"

I would make it VERY clear RIGHT AWAY that we don't treat people poorly or ignore them because of how they are born!

Whoa. Try therapy.

I don't need therapy. My kid does not get to walk around unintentionally practicing to be in the KKK. We are Jewish, and people can't see that just by looking at us. We are lucky in that regard, because a lot of the same people who hate blacks hate Jews. When I overheard my kid singsong "No boys allowed" at age 4, I zipped right over and pulled her away from the playground structure to have a serious talk. We do NOT exclude people for how they were born.

No one is disagreeing that we won't allow our children to grow up to be racists. The question is what is the best method to get there. You think that fast and dramatic action is best, and apparently you think it is the best way to show your own non-racist bona fides, but I think your method can be counterproductive and my goal isn't to prove to others that my child isn't racist, my goal is to make him not racist. I don't want my child to not be racist because I told him so. I want him to know and understand human equality. OP can ask her child, calmly and quietly, if the child would be a different person with different eye color? Would mommy be different if she had a different skin color? No and no. OP's child has a best friend who is black; OP can ask the child how sad he would be if he hadn't become friends with that child. We can have a war on racism without bombing the crap out of small children.

OMG ! How is anyone "bombing" small children? It's telling them and teaching them HOW TO TREAT PEOPLE. Just like if my kid was hitting someone with a stick -- quick response of "Stop, we don't do that, it can hurt the person" and you have a deeper discussion about empathy -- one fit for their level of discussion.
But - yes, it is important to let them know from the beginning that those kinds of comments and judgements are not tolerated, acceptable or "good".
Wow! You seem like a particularly sensitive and naive person. Must be nice, guess you were never the kid who got comments related to your color, race, hair texture, etc. If so, I would venture that you would have a broader understanding of the entire issue.
#whiteprivilege
#whitepeopletellingpeopleofcolorhowtoteachwhitepeopletonotberacist

Shut up, you #angryblackwomanwhoassumeseveryonewhodisagreeswithheriswhite

Jesus. I am so relieved you don't interact with any children but your own anymore. You're toxic.

You have me confused with another poster, who I assume was some kind of teacher. Who says I am black, I certainly did not. Black people are not the only people of color you know -- or maybe you don't know. SMDH!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just to be clear, I'm not 11:36 but I am the person the angry hashtag user was attacking. A number of us here disagree and we have different ways of expressing it.

I am confused as to exactly what you are saying.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Holy shit, if my kid said that her entire world would stop. "How would you feel if all the kids with the coolest toys wouldn't let you play because you're white? We are all the same on the inside. We all bleed red blood. Our own president is black. You really wouldn't play with his daughters because they have dark skin?"

I would make it VERY clear RIGHT AWAY that we don't treat people poorly or ignore them because of how they are born!

Whoa. Try therapy.

I don't need therapy. My kid does not get to walk around unintentionally practicing to be in the KKK. We are Jewish, and people can't see that just by looking at us. We are lucky in that regard, because a lot of the same people who hate blacks hate Jews. When I overheard my kid singsong "No boys allowed" at age 4, I zipped right over and pulled her away from the playground structure to have a serious talk. We do NOT exclude people for how they were born.

No one is disagreeing that we won't allow our children to grow up to be racists. The question is what is the best method to get there. You think that fast and dramatic action is best, and apparently you think it is the best way to show your own non-racist bona fides, but I think your method can be counterproductive and my goal isn't to prove to others that my child isn't racist, my goal is to make him not racist. I don't want my child to not be racist because I told him so. I want him to know and understand human equality. OP can ask her child, calmly and quietly, if the child would be a different person with different eye color? Would mommy be different if she had a different skin color? No and no. OP's child has a best friend who is black; OP can ask the child how sad he would be if he hadn't become friends with that child. We can have a war on racism without bombing the crap out of small children.

OMG ! How is anyone "bombing" small children? It's telling them and teaching them HOW TO TREAT PEOPLE. Just like if my kid was hitting someone with a stick -- quick response of "Stop, we don't do that, it can hurt the person" and you have a deeper discussion about empathy -- one fit for their level of discussion.
But - yes, it is important to let them know from the beginning that those kinds of comments and judgements are not tolerated, acceptable or "good".
Wow! You seem like a particularly sensitive and naive person. Must be nice, guess you were never the kid who got comments related to your color, race, hair texture, etc. If so, I would venture that you would have a broader understanding of the entire issue.
#whiteprivilege
#whitepeopletellingpeopleofcolorhowtoteachwhitepeopletonotberacist

Shut up, you #angryblackwomanwhoassumeseveryonewhodisagreeswithheriswhite

Jesus. I am so relieved you don't interact with any children but your own anymore. You're toxic.

You have me confused with another poster, who I assume was some kind of teacher. Who says I am black, I certainly did not. Black people are not the only people of color you know -- or maybe you don't know. SMDH!

Shake your damn head all you want. Be sure to ponder why you are such a sanctimonious bitch while you're at it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Holy shit, if my kid said that her entire world would stop. "How would you feel if all the kids with the coolest toys wouldn't let you play because you're white? We are all the same on the inside. We all bleed red blood. Our own president is black. You really wouldn't play with his daughters because they have dark skin?"

I would make it VERY clear RIGHT AWAY that we don't treat people poorly or ignore them because of how they are born!

Whoa. Try therapy.

I don't need therapy. My kid does not get to walk around unintentionally practicing to be in the KKK. We are Jewish, and people can't see that just by looking at us. We are lucky in that regard, because a lot of the same people who hate blacks hate Jews. When I overheard my kid singsong "No boys allowed" at age 4, I zipped right over and pulled her away from the playground structure to have a serious talk. We do NOT exclude people for how they were born.

Maybe try anger management to gain perspective?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just to be clear, I'm not 11:36 but I am the person the angry hashtag user was attacking. A number of us here disagree and we have different ways of expressing it.

I am confused as to exactly what you are saying.

Sorry, I'm not 11:16, although I understand her frustration. I just wouldnt have used that hashtag or told the sanctimonious PP to shut up.

I'm the person with longer posts who is advocating thinking hard about the most effective method here and suggesting not just emphatically telling the child what to say so that the child clams up but doesn't gain a deeper understanding of equality.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just to be clear, I'm not 11:36 but I am the person the angry hashtag user was attacking. A number of us here disagree and we have different ways of expressing it.

I'm not quite clear who you are saying you are, but I am 11:11. I want to make it clear that I am not angry, I am frustrated, very frustrated. I am allowed to be that. Using the label of "angry" is an easy default used way often when the express deeply felt emotions, including frustration, disappointment and sometimes sadness.
Honestly, all I was trying to express is that there is nothing wrong with telling a small child, in no uncertain terms, that we do not judge a person's value based on external characteristics. And yes, hitting someone and causing physical harm is a good analogy. Kids understand "hurt", physically and emotionally. There are times when you have to tell a child to "stop" doing something and provide the deeper and broader explanation. Conversations about race, and the development of morals/values around race is a lifelong endeavour. It just amazes me that people would think it is damaging to tell a child to not place personal value based on racial characteristics and that if they do it is a natural stage that we must tread just so verrrryyy lightly because we could hurt their feelings by re-directing that line of thinking. I am black, my child is black and from early on we taught DC that EVERYONE is different from one another and that we celebrate EVERYONE'S uniqueness and that we endeavour not to identify people by race or to assess their value based on race. And yes, I have no problem saying that I find it arrogant and often a manifestation of white privilege for someone who is not a person of color, to tell a person of color how to discuss race/racism/politics of color in this society. And the poster saying that their kindergartner has black friends. SMDH, having friends of color does not preclude anyone from being racist. People can be racist and have filipino/cambodian/black/dominican/mexican friends. It so happens that they see that individual as "different' from the rest. No, your DC is not racist, but for you to even not understand that having friends of color eliminates racism shows how very uneducated you are on the topic.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just to be clear, I'm not 11:36 but I am the person the angry hashtag user was attacking. A number of us here disagree and we have different ways of expressing it.

I am confused as to exactly what you are saying.

Sorry, I'm not 11:16, although I understand her frustration. I just wouldnt have used that hashtag or told the sanctimonious PP to shut up.

I'm the person with longer posts who is advocating thinking hard about the most effective method here and suggesting not just emphatically telling the child what to say so that the child clams up but doesn't gain a deeper understanding of equality.

I'm 11: 11, didn't know I was sanctimonious because I was saying that the other poster was wrong. I cannot believe that grown folks believe that there is nothing wrong with emphatically telling a child that something they did and said was wrong? if that is the case, What the heck is the purpose of parenting?
I tell my kid all the time that people respond to your actions/words, not your intentions. Yes, you say that and you continually teach them "how" to treat people, "how" to talk about people, how not to "devalue" other people. To think that being emphatic precludes the larger, and longer lessons, is awfully short sighted and sad.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just to be clear, I'm not 11:36 but I am the person the angry hashtag user was attacking. A number of us here disagree and we have different ways of expressing it.

I am confused as to exactly what you are saying.

Sorry, I'm not 11:16, although I understand her frustration. I just wouldnt have used that hashtag or told the sanctimonious PP to shut up.

I'm the person with longer posts who is advocating thinking hard about the most effective method here and suggesting not just emphatically telling the child what to say so that the child clams up but doesn't gain a deeper understanding of equality.

I guess we have different types of kids, because since an early age we have taught DC not to identify/value people according to race, so now when she hears people do that, DC points it out and clearly says that is not how you talk about people. Guess our kids learn differently.