How to talk race and diversity with a preschooler?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There is a good chapter on this for parents in Nurture Shock by Bronson and Merryman.

Yup, you can show your child all the programs and books you want, it will not make a difference unless you have diverse friends.

[Anonymous]

Whenever my kids observe differences (skin color, disability, etc) we always say "yup. everyone is different, no big deal", pointing out differences in our own family.

It is a phase. I'd downplay it for now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Whenever my kids observe differences (skin color, disability, etc) we always say "yup. everyone is different, no big deal", pointing out differences in our own family.

It is a phase. I'd downplay it for now.

If you read the chapter in Nurture shock, you will find that the research shows that this is not enough. You need to be much more explicit and specific if you want your child to be truly open about race. I haven't discussed it much yet with my kids but this thread reminded me to do so.

[Anonymous]

It is natural for all human beings to notice physical differences -- it is NOT a natural phase to form value judgements on those differences. Talk to your child, OP, and express that he has wrong-thinking.

And yes, he is hearing this ugly talk from someone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you think this is a normal stage them my three kids were abnormal. None of them ever said something so hateful or damaging. And I certainly wouldn't have allowed them to think that way if they ever did say something so hateful.

Another little girl in my DD's preschool once told my DD that she didn't like her because she wasn't pretty. DD cried for a long time over this comment. The truth is we are not the best-looking people on the planet so was it just natural that this little girl noticed it and made a judgement about it?

I was on the wrong end a similar "We won't play with you because you are ugly" division in PreK. My first clear memory as a child.

If my kids ever said anything similar to what your child said, OP, whatever I was doing would stop instantly and I would address it and tell him he was wrong. I would also talk to the teacher to make sure this activity wasn't happening in school.

It is a big deal. It is not a normal phase. I must be stopped before anyone else is hurt by it.

[Anonymous]

I would address it matter of factly and in terms he can understand. I would NOT shame him as he is too little to recognize what he is saying. I WOULD ask him where he got the idea. Kids do come up with crazy, inappropriate things on their own but that is very specific and he probably either heard or misunderstood something.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Holy shit, if my kid said that her entire world would stop. "How would you feel if all the kids with the coolest toys wouldn't let you play because you're white? We are all the same on the inside. We all bleed red blood. Our own president is black. You really wouldn't play with his daughters because they have dark skin?"

I would make it VERY clear RIGHT AWAY that we don't treat people poorly or ignore them because of how they are born!

And your stridency and overreaction would be wildly inappropriate.

It's not uncommon for kids that age to express a dislike for someone with "dark skin" or "light skin." You don't shame them for feeling that way. It's normal. They're trying to articulate something but can't quite do it, and skin color is something they notice right away.

Wrong, wrong and wrong. Shame is a valuable emotion and this is something I would absolutely risk shaming them for. This is hate speech and needs to stop NOW. It is NOT normal to form a like or dislike to the color of a person's skin!!! I was a preschool teacher for ten years before I became a mother and I have NEVER heard this as a normal stage of development either in work or when I was getting my degree.

Children notice differences. Children are not naturally wired to form judgements based on physical differences.

I would stop this behavior immediately, OP, and make it clear to DC that his feelings/thoughts on this are incorrect.

OMG. I am saying a prayer of gratitude that you are no longer a preschool teacher. You clearly know nothing about child development and have very extreme views on things. Praise the LORD you will only exude influence over your own children, although that's bad enough.

Lord, you are an ignorant bore.

YOU believe in shaming children. Shame on YOU.

[Anonymous]

WOW, I can't believe that small children are now guilty of thought crimes!

Just work through it with him OP. Its always better to have the discussion and clear up misconceptions than to close it down by shaming them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:WOW, I can't believe that small children are now guilty of thought crimes!

Just work through it with him OP. Its always better to have the discussion and clear up misconceptions than to close it down by shaming them.

It is wrong to allow a child to continue with thoughts and actions that will hurt them or others. However you go about it - it must stop.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Whenever my kids observe differences (skin color, disability, etc) we always say "yup. everyone is different, no big deal", pointing out differences in our own family.

It is a phase. I'd downplay it for now.

If you read the chapter in Nurture shock, you will find that the research shows that this is not enough. You need to be much more explicit and specific if you want your child to be truly open about race. I haven't discussed it much yet with my kids but this thread reminded me to do so.

What else does it recommend?

We do acknowledge differences, but don't dwell on it because we don't want to put any weight on it.

[Anonymous]

"Sweetie, skin color doesn't make someone good or bad.
What matters is in the inside. If you are polite and kind to each other.
You love auntie Hala and she has brown skin, right?"

And repeat similar stuff often.


I'd wait til a little older to get into social prejudices, etc. Explicitly teach them first that skin color, body size, etc. Doesn't matter.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Whenever my kids observe differences (skin color, disability, etc) we always say "yup. everyone is different, no big deal", pointing out differences in our own family.

It is a phase. I'd downplay it for now.

If you read the chapter in Nurture shock, you will find that the research shows that this is not enough. You need to be much more explicit and specific if you want your child to be truly open about race. I haven't discussed it much yet with my kids but this thread reminded me to do so.

What else does it recommend?

We do acknowledge differences, but don't dwell on it because we don't want to put any weight on it.

You need to affirmatively tracy yiur familiY values about it. If you don't they will pick up ideas from outside, and they may not be good ideas.

[Anonymous]

It's like swearing. Kids pick it up, then forget about it.

[Anonymous]

I wouldn't be mad or shame the kid. But I'd let him know it made me a bit sad. "You know, sometimes people have been mean to people with black and brown skin. And I don't like that. I don't think people should be mean. So it makes me a bit sad when you say that."

[Anonymous]

My daughter is in kindergarten in a pretty diverse school and class. She notices "brown skin" vs. "blonde skin" and will use it as a descriptor if I'm trying to figure out who the heck she is talking about, but it doesn't seem to be a basis of judgment for her, just a descriptor. I assume that is pretty normal.

More difficult for me is when we watch "Blackish" together (our new favorite show) and I am sitting there laughing my ass off and she is asking me what is so funny and I'm trying to explain the nuances of black/white culture and wondering what she's going to do with that information.