'stranger danger', me?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The only problem here is the stranger part because most kids who are harmed are harmed by people they know. Thats why I never used the word stranger with my kids. Its the guy they see around the neighborhood or the uncle who visits kids across the street or, yes, the mom they've seen around who knows their parents.

Stranger danger is a tag phrase. Its not personal. Its almost like a mnemonic. Like the kids were tempted to go with you but reminded themselves of the rules by saying that out loud. They probably also assumed you would understand.

If I were you I would contact the mom to let her know her kids did well in this situation.

+1
Then maybe ask the other mom what she'd like in the future, and offer to exchange contact info?

OP, you need to sit down with a cup of chamomile tea (or vodka, whatever is your fancy), take a deep, cleansing breath and just chill.

You're offended at CHILDREN. Children who used an incredibly brave amount of judgement to keep themselves safer they just have been cold and miserable too, and I'm sure that your warm car seemed like a haven, but they did the RIGHT thing. You are, ultimately, a stranger to them. Seeing someone every day at the bus stop is not the same as putting your life under their control. The same barista has made my coffee for me for years. I know a fair amount about him and his life... But that doesn't mean I feel safe heading to his apartment alone tonight at midnight for drinks.

These kids should be praised, and I agree with PP that said you should call the mom and let her know what went on. Apologize for putting her children in an uncomfortable spot. Maybe trade info so she can make the decision if you are not a stranger to her children. Is not, nor should it be, up to a 10 year old to make that call.

[Anonymous]

I can kind of see them saying no the first time, if they're not sure their parents would be okay with it. However, I hope that they'll discuss the situation with their parents and get told that in the future, it's absolutely okay to go with you. If that's what happens, I'd exchange contact info with the parents so that you can shoot them a quick text and let them know what's up the next time this comes up.

[Anonymous]

Why didn't the OP ask the children if they would like to call their mom/ dad/ caregiver on your phone and see if it is OK for them to come with you in the car? I wouldn't want my child making a decision about who to trust based on barely knowing someone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why didn't the OP ask the children if they would like to call their mom/ dad/ caregiver on your phone and see if it is OK for them to come with you in the car? I wouldn't want my child making a decision about who to trust based on barely knowing someone.

I was going to say this, but maybe they didn't want to go into OP's house, which would make sense? If OP could have called the moms from her cell phone, I think that would have worked better.

[Anonymous]

I think it was your light insistence that brought out the 'stranger danger' OP. You didn't just ask once, you asked twice.

[Anonymous]

My child is not to accept a ride from anyone except relatives and close family friends on a preapproved list, unless they have specific permission in every instance.

We have a two-part family code so that the kids could call DH or I and safely obtain permission depending on the situation, so my kids may have tried that in this scenario.

It was nice of you to offer, but I think the kids did the right thing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I agree the kids did the right thing. If you have a way to call their parents I would do so and tell them what a good job the kids did. Use this as a chance to get to know the families. You never know when your child might be the one in that situation. You should also talk it over with your child so they understand what happened.

+1

[Anonymous]

Parents here wouldn't invite kids into their car without first offering to call mom and dad on their cell and letting the kids talk with them first. The convenience of the cell phone means that we can all follow good rules of asking parent permission first. Nice of you to offer the ride, but in today's world you should've offered to let them call mom first.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here.
I guess what shocked me is that I know these kids. They are not strangers to me. They are always at the bus stop, get under my umbrella when it is raining, they accept my apples in the afternoon, I even lent sock to that girl today because she wasn't wearing any in the snow, and I happened to have spare socks in my purse.

So I guess I felt more offended my the 'stranger' than by the 'danger'.

So I agree that no kid should get in a car without the parent approval.
However, from here to stranger danger, it is a long shot. They could just have said my mom needs to know, or whatever.
And then gone their own way.

No???

OP, you pressured them, you didn't respect their boundaries, you made them uncomfortable. They are kids, they don't know/aren't comfortable clearly articulating this, so they fell back on an easy slogan to tell you to back off. You may not be a stranger and you may not have any intention of harming them, but when you don't respect their boundaries you become that creepy adult.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op what you did was totally out of line. Lucky the police didn't get called. After they said no you let it go.

Totally out of line, for offering a ride to school? I'm gonna say it: please unclench.

No, you're out of line for not letting it go at that. "Stranger Danger" is a term kids learn from a safety video made by John Walsh whose kid Adam was kidnapped and murdered. Don't take the term personally, jesus christ.

[Anonymous]

Yes, OP, you were wrong to push. And frankly you really should not have made the offer without suggesting that they call their parents to ask permission. It's nice of you to offer, but I wouldn't necessarily want my kids in the car of someone they see at the bus stop either, especially on a day when the roads are treacherous.

[Anonymous]

Take this as an opportunity to connect with your neighbors. Introduce yourself on a non-stressed day and see if the other parents want to exchange phone numbers so that you can call/text if something like this happens again. Also good to have for a multitude of other things that might occur in and around bus/school activities.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op what you did was totally out of line. Lucky the police didn't get called. After they said no you let it go.

Oh yes, After they said no I kidnapped them anyway. They are all in little pieces in the basement of my house.
Obviously I think nobody will ever find them.

Your comment is very distasteful. My brother was murdered when I was a child. Joking about such horror is truly offensive. I hope you never have to identify your child's remains someday.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op what you did was totally out of line. Lucky the police didn't get called. After they said no you let it go.

Oh yes, After they said no I kidnapped them anyway. They are all in little pieces in the basement of my house.
Obviously I think nobody will ever find them.

Your comment is very distasteful. My brother was murdered when I was a child. Joking about such horror is truly offensive. I hope you never have to identify your child's remains someday.

Oh stop.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op what you did was totally out of line. Lucky the police didn't get called. After they said no you let it go.

Oh yes, After they said no I kidnapped them anyway. They are all in little pieces in the basement of my house.
Obviously I think nobody will ever find them.

Your comment is very distasteful. My brother was murdered when I was a child. Joking about such horror is truly offensive. I hope you never have to identify your child's remains someday.

Oh stop.

No I won't stop. And I hope the child advocates out there don't either. Teaching children about stranger danger is important. Learning who and what that it. It's not the creepy man who stinks. It's the soccer mom at the bus stop asking to give you a ride. Those kids stood up and should be praised for standing up to a grown up who put them in a very awkward position. I don't think op meant any harm but what she did was wrong.