'stranger danger', me?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I will say that I never made a big deal about stranger danger with my kid-- we might have had a conversation once about not going off with strangers but that's about it. I think it was fine to offer a ride and I would be fine with my 5th grader taking a ride with someone from the bus stop without talking to me first. I do think once they said no you should probably leave it alone.

I once had the reverse situation where a parent asked me to put a child in the front seat of my car and I said I wasn't comfortable doing that.

you are crazy

Maybe I am, but it seems to me the chance someone hits me, triggers the airbag and that severely injures the kid are no less than the chances the mom at the bus stop is going to kidnap or molest my kids instead of taking them to school. In the end I guess it's what you are comfortable with that seems "right".

[Anonymous]

While I think what the kids did was fine, because the reality is that 3/4 of abducted and missing children are taken be a family member or an acquaintance and the OP falls int the acquaintance category.

http://news.discovery.com/human/psychology/stranger-child-abductions-actually-very-rare-130514.htm

It is sad, but apprently true, that most children are abided by a family member or someone close to them, not strangers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The term "stranger danger" is from The Safe Side Video by Julie Clark of Baby Mozart fame: http://thesafeside.com

I believe it's endorsed by John Walsh. He's on the website, anyway. The video is hilarious and very effective.

This is a great video. I've watched it many times, and I have never heard the term stranger danger in the video. They talk about a group of don't know and kind of knows and emphasize that no one can tell who is dangerous and who isn't.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:And here's the thing: I live in AU Park. Extremely safe neighborhood within DC. Houses are about 9-10 feet apart and blocks are about 6 houses long. 4 blocks away is like another universe when your kids are in elementary school. To those kids you are from outside their universe. My kids have watched the Walsh video and memorized the term "Stranger Danger". It would designate a person such as you as a "stranger" and therefore dangerous in that setting. Kids are pretty concrete--it is a system that works as evidenced by these kid's refusal to go along with you. Consider yourself "schooled" on this subject now and stop whining about your feelings being hurt.

I just want to emphasize that the Walsh video never uses the term stranger danger. It emphasizes safe side adults, don't knows and kind of knows. As Gavin de Becker points out in his book, Protecting the Gift, if you child is lost, they should be told which stranger to ask for help if their safe adults aren't present. The type of child that gets victimized is one who is wandering around lost and confused not asking anyone for help because they have been told strangers are dangerous. Gavin says that you should teach your child to ask the person behind the counter (at a store) or a mom with kids for help. Most of the time children are victimized, an adult comes up to them and offers to "help." These are usually not the people that the child should trust. If I see a lost child (like in Target), I find a store employee and hand the child over to them instead of offering to help myself just because of this reason.

When I am with my two kids like in the mall, I go over with them before we go inside what our plan is. Our plan is that if they look around and suddenly can't find me, then they are to go into the nearest store and ask the person behind the counter if they can call my cellphone. They are to stay there until I come and get them.

The creepy guy behind the counter at walmart can't be a bad guy?

I hate Wal Mart and hardly ever go there. What I am trying to explain is that the child should have a plan. It is better for your child to approach a store employee and say - I can't find my mom, can I call her cellphone than to wander around lost so that someone else might prey on her. I once saw a girl who was separated from her mother in Target, and instead of approaching the girl, I told a store employee that it looked like the girl was lost. He took the girl in hand and brought her to the front. A minute later, I heard a woman being paged over the store's intercom. It looked to me like there was a policy in place, and it was handled very well.

[Anonymous]

OP I think it's great that you offered the ride. And I think it's AWESOME and absolutely appropriate that the kids thought it through and realized that they didn't know you well enough to get in your car without talking to their parent first. It is just the world we live in, and those kids did the right thing. You did too, by offering the ride, but you should definitely NOT be offended that they didn't take it in the end.

[Anonymous]

Stranger Danger, me???

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I've told my kids never ever get into a car unless I or dad say it's ok. I don't trust them to be discriminating yet. Bummer they missed a ride, but that is acceptable to the admittedly highly unlikely chance of abduction.

Although, on the other hand, I have taught them to approach a mom for help if they are lost (like at store). Just no cars!

[Anonymous]

OP, I am not American and finding that most of Americans just lack a common sense. This thread is just another proof. They teach their kids to follow instruction from A to Z, but they don't teach to think. Later this kids grow up into narrow minded adults who usually can't see the big picture.

I read this story to both of my kids and both of them just laugh . Both kids had the same reaction: Common sense, dah? I would not have any problem if the mom from the bus stop give a ride to my child to school without notifying me. My HS kid walks to school and were picked up few times by another parent who we never met (with kid in the car) in the rain.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:And here's the thing: I live in AU Park. Extremely safe neighborhood within DC. Houses are about 9-10 feet apart and blocks are about 6 houses long. 4 blocks away is like another universe when your kids are in elementary school. To those kids you are from outside their universe. My kids have watched the Walsh video and memorized the term "Stranger Danger". It would designate a person such as you as a "stranger" and therefore dangerous in that setting. Kids are pretty concrete--it is a system that works as evidenced by these kid's refusal to go along with you. Consider yourself "schooled" on this subject now and stop whining about your feelings being hurt.

I just want to emphasize that the Walsh video never uses the term stranger danger. It emphasizes safe side adults, don't knows and kind of knows. As Gavin de Becker points out in his book, Protecting the Gift, if you child is lost, they should be told which stranger to ask for help if their safe adults aren't present. The type of child that gets victimized is one who is wandering around lost and confused not asking anyone for help because they have been told strangers are dangerous. Gavin says that you should teach your child to ask the person behind the counter (at a store) or a mom with kids for help. Most of the time children are victimized, an adult comes up to them and offers to "help." These are usually not the people that the child should trust. If I see a lost child (like in Target), I find a store employee and hand the child over to them instead of offering to help myself just because of this reason.

When I am with my two kids like in the mall, I go over with them before we go inside what our plan is. Our plan is that if they look around and suddenly can't find me, then they are to go into the nearest store and ask the person behind the counter if they can call my cellphone. They are to stay there until I come and get them.

The creepy guy behind the counter at walmart can't be a bad guy?

I hate Wal Mart and hardly ever go there. What I am trying to explain is that the child should have a plan. It is better for your child to approach a store employee and say - I can't find my mom, can I call her cellphone than to wander around lost so that someone else might prey on her. I once saw a girl who was separated from her mother in Target, and instead of approaching the girl, I told a store employee that it looked like the girl was lost. He took the girl in hand and brought her to the front. A minute later, I heard a woman being paged over the store's intercom. It looked to me like there was a policy in place, and it was handled very well.

One of de Becker's points is that the people that you approach for help are less likely to be dangerous than the people who approach you. And a store employee might be a bad guy, but the odds of getting molested by someone on-duty at a store are pretty low, whereas a kid wandering around not knowing what to do is a more vulnerable target. I teach my kid to approach a police officer, a store employee, or a mom with kids. `The important thing is having a plan.

Also, wrt to OP's situation, one of the things that I teach my kid is that safe adults do not try to get you to do anything without asking your parents first. If I wanted to offer a ride to a kid in OP's situation, I would say, "I'm happy to drive you to school. Would you like to call your parents and ask if that's okay?" If they said no, I wouldn't push it at all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, I am not American and finding that most of Americans just lack a common sense. This thread is just another proof. They teach their kids to follow instruction from A to Z, but they don't teach to think. Later this kids grow up into narrow minded adults who usually can't see the big picture.

I read this story to both of my kids and both of them just laugh . Both kids had the same reaction: Common sense, dah? I would not have any problem if the mom from the bus stop give a ride to my child to school without notifying me. My HS kid walks to school and were picked up few times by another parent who we never met (with kid in the car) in the rain.

It is not just common sense. We are trying to protect our children for predators. Here are common attributes. It is hard to protect your child from these people if they come in contact with them. Have you read any of the heart breaking tales or had experience with this? You don't know what you are talking about.

Common Attributes of Child Molesters:
-- from A Profile of the Child Molester
•Pedophiles are notoriously friendly, nice, kind, engaging and likeable.
•Pedophiles target their victims, often insinuating themselves into that child's life through their family, school, house of worship, sports, and hobbies.
•Pedophiles are professional con artists and are experts at getting children and families to trust them.
•Pedophiles will smile at you, look you right in the eye and make you believe they are trustworthy.


Dr. Phil reminds parents they must watch everyone in their child's life!

http://www.drphil.com/articles/article/266

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I am not American and finding that most of Americans just lack a common sense. This thread is just another proof. They teach their kids to follow instruction from A to Z, but they don't teach to think. Later this kids grow up into narrow minded adults who usually can't see the big picture.

I read this story to both of my kids and both of them just laugh . Both kids had the same reaction: Common sense, dah? I would not have any problem if the mom from the bus stop give a ride to my child to school without notifying me. My HS kid walks to school and were picked up few times by another parent who we never met (with kid in the car) in the rain.

It is not just common sense. We are trying to protect our children for predators. Here are common attributes. It is hard to protect your child from these people if they come in contact with them. Have you read any of the heart breaking tales or had experience with this? You don't know what you are talking about.

Common Attributes of Child Molesters:
-- from A Profile of the Child Molester
•Pedophiles are notoriously friendly, nice, kind, engaging and likeable.
•Pedophiles target their victims, often insinuating themselves into that child's life through their family, school, house of worship, sports, and hobbies.
•Pedophiles are professional con artists and are experts at getting children and families to trust them.
•Pedophiles will smile at you, look you right in the eye and make you believe they are trustworthy.


Dr. Phil reminds parents they must watch everyone in their child's life!

http://www.drphil.com/articles/article/266

There is one thing is missing from your list that would connect your list to the OP story:
She was coming every day to the same bus stop, with the same child. This is what common sense is, not just check list.