'stranger danger', me?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I agree it is odd. You have a house in their neighborhood, they're classmates with your kid.....what, you just happened to use this day to kidnap them? So beyond the realm of possibility. Especially because there were three of them.

Just to clarify they are not classmates with my kid, just the same school.
But thanks for sharing my viewpoint

[Anonymous]

OP here.
I guess what shocked me is that I know these kids. They are not strangers to me. They are always at the bus stop, get under my umbrella when it is raining, they accept my apples in the afternoon, I even lent sock to that girl today because she wasn't wearing any in the snow, and I happened to have spare socks in my purse.

So I guess I felt more offended my the 'stranger' than by the 'danger'.

So I agree that no kid should get in a car without the parent approval.
However, from here to stranger danger, it is a long shot. They could just have said my mom needs to know, or whatever.
And then gone their own way.

No???

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here.
I guess what shocked me is that I know these kids. They are not strangers to me. They are always at the bus stop, get under my umbrella when it is raining, they accept my apples in the afternoon, I even lent sock to that girl today because she wasn't wearing any in the snow, and I happened to have spare socks in my purse.

So I guess I felt more offended my the 'stranger' than by the 'danger'.

So I agree that no kid should get in a car without the parent approval.
However, from here to stranger danger, it is a long shot. They could just have said my mom needs to know, or whatever.
And then gone their own way.

No???

OP think of it more as a mnemonic device they used. They were about to trust their guts and go with you, since they do, in fact, know you, but then they remembered something they had been (correctly and justifiably!) taught. That's all. The kids weren't freaking out cause they don't know you, they were following their parents advice.

[Anonymous]

Op what you did was totally out of line. Lucky the police didn't get called. After they said no you let it go.

[Anonymous]

OP I agree with you that "stranger danger" was not the issue at hand. But the children were confused by the lack of coordination with their parents, so they pulled out that phrase.

In an ideal world, the children would have said, "thanks for the offer and yes we'd like a ride, could you call our parents to check if that would be ok?" You would have touched base with the parents (who would likely have said yes). The issues at hand were bad roads and the parents' need to know where their children were in case of an emergency.

My guess is that if - after they said yes to the ride - you had immediately asked them, "what's your parents' number so I can call them and let them know about the situation?" they would not have gotten nervous and said "stranger danger".

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op what you did was totally out of line. Lucky the police didn't get called. After they said no you let it go.

Totally out of line, for offering a ride to school? I'm gonna say it: please unclench.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op what you did was totally out of line. Lucky the police didn't get called. After they said no you let it go.

Oh yes, After they said no I kidnapped them anyway. They are all in little pieces in the basement of my house.
Obviously I think nobody will ever find them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
OP think of it more as a mnemonic device they used. They were about to trust their guts and go with you, since they do, in fact, know you, but then they remembered something they had been (correctly and justifiably!) taught. That's all. The kids weren't freaking out cause they don't know you, they were following their parents advice.

I agree with this completely.

[Anonymous]

Here are some good tips from John Walsh. You, OP, were a kind of know. The kids kind of know you. You are not a safe side adult. You are not an adult that their parent has approved of to drive them to school. The kids did the right thing. You can read about what happened to John Walsh's son and realize why we parents need these rules for our children.

Our rules are called Hot Tips. We use “tips” rather than “rules” because we want kids
to take ownership of the concepts and apply the knowledge to everyday situations, like
walking to school, playing at the rec center, or opening the door at home. Our seven Hot
Tips are:
• Keep your Safe Side Adult close. If you can see them, they can see you.
• Never open the door without your Safe Side Adult.
• STOP AND THINK! Don’t fall for tricks.
• Never talk to Don’t Knows unless your Safe Side Adult is with you.
• Don’t let anyone inside your Safe Side Circle. Run from danger!
• Know your three Safe Side Adults.
• Never go anywhere, with anyone, unless you ask your Safe Side Adult first

Here's an example from the safe side materials.

Safety scene
The children are walking home from school. It is raining and thundering
and a big storm looks like it’s heading in. The kids are dodging puddles
while walking under umbrellas. The new junior high school math teacher
stops to ask if he can give them a ride home so they don’t get caught in
the storm. If the kids say “no,” he starts to talk sternly and saying things
like, “Your parents will be angry if you get soaked.” Or, “If you catch a
cold and miss school, I’m not going to let you make up the work!” Or,
“What if you get struck by lightening?”

The correct response is - Even though the kids kind of know the Jr High teacher, they should never get into a car without first asking permission from their Safe Side Adult.

This is from the stranger safety presentation guide.

http://www.thesafeside.com/products.html

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op what you did was totally out of line. Lucky the police didn't get called. After they said no you let it go.

I don't think it was totally out of line. I think it was a reasonable and considerate idea to offer.

OP, the ideal solution for next time is to offer them your phone, so that they can call home and ask permission. What I've told my children about stranger-danger is that they can talk to anybody, but they may not go anywhere with anybody unless they ask me first. And whether I would then say yes or no, in this case, would depend on the circumstances. This morning I probably would have said no, because I wouldn't have wanted them on the road in a car, period.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here.
I guess what shocked me is that I know these kids. They are not strangers to me. They are always at the bus stop, get under my umbrella when it is raining, they accept my apples in the afternoon, I even lent sock to that girl today because she wasn't wearing any in the snow, and I happened to have spare socks in my purse.

So I guess I felt more offended my the 'stranger' than by the 'danger'.

So I agree that no kid should get in a car without the parent approval.
However, from here to stranger danger, it is a long shot. They could just have said my mom needs to know, or whatever.
And then gone their own way.

No???

Are you seriously getting your grown up panties in a wad because a child was more concerned about safety and following family rules than your feelings.
OP: Grow up!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I agree it is odd. You have a house in their neighborhood, they're classmates with your kid.....what, you just happened to use this day to kidnap them? So beyond the realm of possibility. Especially because there were three of them.

Really ???? Seriously??

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Here are some good tips from John Walsh. You, OP, were a kind of know. The kids kind of know you. You are not a safe side adult. You are not an adult that their parent has approved of to drive them to school. The kids did the right thing. You can read about what happened to John Walsh's son and realize why we parents need these rules for our children.

Our rules are called Hot Tips. We use “tips” rather than “rules” because we want kids
to take ownership of the concepts and apply the knowledge to everyday situations, like
walking to school, playing at the rec center, or opening the door at home. Our seven Hot
Tips are:
• Keep your Safe Side Adult close. If you can see them, they can see you.
• Never open the door without your Safe Side Adult.
• STOP AND THINK! Don’t fall for tricks.
• Never talk to Don’t Knows unless your Safe Side Adult is with you.
• Don’t let anyone inside your Safe Side Circle. Run from danger!
• Know your three Safe Side Adults.
• Never go anywhere, with anyone, unless you ask your Safe Side Adult first

Here's an example from the safe side materials.

Safety scene
The children are walking home from school. It is raining and thundering
and a big storm looks like it’s heading in. The kids are dodging puddles
while walking under umbrellas. The new junior high school math teacher
stops to ask if he can give them a ride home so they don’t get caught in
the storm. If the kids say “no,” he starts to talk sternly and saying things
like, “Your parents will be angry if you get soaked.” Or, “If you catch a
cold and miss school, I’m not going to let you make up the work!” Or,
“What if you get struck by lightening?”

The correct response is - Even though the kids kind of know the Jr High teacher, they should never get into a car without first asking permission from their Safe Side Adult.

This is from the stranger safety presentation guide.

http://www.thesafeside.com/products.html

THIS -- we do the safe side thing too.
It is teaching your child to exercise their judgement, take control of their own safety and know that unsafe people can be tricky.

[Anonymous]

The only problem here is the stranger part because most kids who are harmed are harmed by people they know. Thats why I never used the word stranger with my kids. Its the guy they see around the neighborhood or the uncle who visits kids across the street or, yes, the mom they've seen around who knows their parents.

Stranger danger is a tag phrase. Its not personal. Its almost like a mnemonic. Like the kids were tempted to go with you but reminded themselves of the rules by saying that out loud. They probably also assumed you would understand.

If I were you I would contact the mom to let her know her kids did well in this situation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The only problem here is the stranger part because most kids who are harmed are harmed by people they know. Thats why I never used the word stranger with my kids. Its the guy they see around the neighborhood or the uncle who visits kids across the street or, yes, the mom they've seen around who knows their parents.

Stranger danger is a tag phrase. Its not personal. Its almost like a mnemonic. Like the kids were tempted to go with you but reminded themselves of the rules by saying that out loud. They probably also assumed you would understand.

If I were you I would contact the mom to let her know her kids did well in this situation.

+1
Then maybe ask the other mom what she'd like in the future, and offer to exchange contact info?