Parents who refuse to participate

[Anonymous]

OP learn to avoid the people who won't do their share

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do they have a large enough car/ extra boosters to be able to carpool?

OP has already said clearly that the two parents prefer NOT to carpool and would rather drive by themselves.

OP is the only one that actually wants to carpool.

She's trying to force other parents to do it her way. She should find someone else to carpool with or give up.

What if your child insists on hanging out with the same children whose parents never step up? Do you choose your child's friends? Or tell your child they have to go without friends? "You can't see Larla anymore because Larla's parents would rather take a nap (true story) than drive"? For real?

If larlas.mom is napping all the time that's a sure sign that larlas mom has some mental health problems. You only have a very small window to try to direct your children to hang out with healthy families. Until your influence is gone, your child is best off being directed away from such families.

What do you think is going on in a home where mom lays in bed all the time? No supervision , that's what.

OP here. I have physical health issues I do not (and will not) make public. Nor should I have to. They are no one's business.

The other dad is home, and takes naps every day, which I have never seen a man do before. Not that there is anything wrong with that.

I am under the distinct impression the wife of the "non-driving to anything having to do with my child's friends" couple strongly resents her husband. Neither are from here. There is extended family in the house. There is a nanny.

I would be more than happy to answer any more questions. How do I tell my child that her friends parents suck?

[Anonymous]

OP, here is another way to look at it.

I am a mom who loves to do the carpooling, the hosting etc. Why? My son loves the company of other children, and many of the parents do not have the flexibility, energy, time that I do. I love having the kids and parents over when I host. And people always reciprocate in some form or the other. It may not be the exact same thing that I can do - but parents will help out or include my child in some way or the other. I have found that my kid loves when he has his other friends joining him for other activities. If I am already doing everything for my kid - it does not cost me anything at all to include other people's kids as well. And frankly, I really enjoy doing this for the kids.

People are not refusing to participate - they are just not participating the way you want them to.

[Anonymous]

OP, this is your fault.

Let them drive their own kids.

Done.

Your kids can still be friends.

They get what they want (driving alone and not having to car pool).

You get what you want (not having to drive around someone else's kids)

Everyone wins.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, here is another way to look at it.

I am a mom who loves to do the carpooling, the hosting etc. Why? My son loves the company of other children, and many of the parents do not have the flexibility, energy, time that I do. I love having the kids and parents over when I host. And people always reciprocate in some form or the other. It may not be the exact same thing that I can do - but parents will help out or include my child in some way or the other. I have found that my kid loves when he has his other friends joining him for other activities. If I am already doing everything for my kid - it does not cost me anything at all to include other people's kids as well. And frankly, I really enjoy doing this for the kids.

People are not refusing to participate - they are just not participating the way you want them to.

Signed, why isn't everyone like me?

Because not everyone does it because they "like" to.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do they have a large enough car/ extra boosters to be able to carpool?

OP has already said clearly that the two parents prefer NOT to carpool and would rather drive by themselves.

OP is the only one that actually wants to carpool.

She's trying to force other parents to do it her way. She should find someone else to carpool with or give up.

What if your child insists on hanging out with the same children whose parents never step up? Do you choose your child's friends? Or tell your child they have to go without friends? "You can't see Larla anymore because Larla's parents would rather take a nap (true story) than drive"? For real?

If larlas.mom is napping all the time that's a sure sign that larlas mom has some mental health problems. You only have a very small window to try to direct your children to hang out with healthy families. Until your influence is gone, your child is best off being directed away from such families.

What do you think is going on in a home where mom lays in bed all the time? No supervision , that's what.

OP here. I have physical health issues I do not (and will not) make public. Nor should I have to. They are no one's business.

The other dad is home, and takes naps every day, which I have never seen a man do before. Not that there is anything wrong with that.

I am under the distinct impression the wife of the "non-driving to anything having to do with my child's friends" couple strongly resents her husband. Neither are from here. There is extended family in the house. There is a nanny.

I would be more than happy to answer any more questions. How do I tell my child that her friends parents suck?

OP, you are getting very good advice that you don't want to listen to.

I think you really just want to complain, and would no matter who was pulling their weight or not.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP learn to avoid the people who won't do their share

+1

[Anonymous]

"I think you really just want to complain, and would no matter who was pulling their weight or not."

How on earth does this make any sense? Wanting to have more than one willing parent is bad?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"I think you really just want to complain, and would no matter who was pulling their weight or not."

How on earth does this make any sense? Wanting to have more than one willing parent is bad?

You said they don't want to carpool and want to drive themselves.

Don't you see how much of a non problem your problem is?

The other parents gave you a solutions. Let it happen.

Your kids can still be friends even if you aren't making their parents carpool with you.

If you are having this problem with one set of parents, it might be them.

But since you are having this problem with ALL of the parents in your carpool, the problem is clearly you.

[Anonymous]

No, the other parents do NOT want to drive. Period. They want to outsource everything because the DW is mad at the DH. Reread.

[Anonymous]

OP here. The issue lies with one or two parents, that everyone complains about. I saw my post as seeking a solution, instead of complaining, so I have no apology for you.

Actually, the same parents wanted their children to only be in class with children of their same (not similar, identical only) culture. But I suppose that is a whole 'nother post!

I am quite simply looking for solutions for racist parents, I suppose. I mean, if you want to make it complicated, we certainly can......

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, here is another way to look at it.

I am a mom who loves to do the carpooling, the hosting etc. Why? My son loves the company of other children, and many of the parents do not have the flexibility, energy, time that I do. I love having the kids and parents over when I host. And people always reciprocate in some form or the other. It may not be the exact same thing that I can do - but parents will help out or include my child in some way or the other. I have found that my kid loves when he has his other friends joining him for other activities. If I am already doing everything for my kid - it does not cost me anything at all to include other people's kids as well. And frankly, I really enjoy doing this for the kids.

People are not refusing to participate - they are just not participating the way you want them to.

Signed, why isn't everyone like me?

Because not everyone does it because they "like" to.

Ha-ha! Feeling better after getting the snark off your system? Yes, people do not "like" to do this kind of carpooling etc.. So the solution is not to do it. Do what you want to do and participate the way you want to. You always have the choice to NOT do this kind of activity.

However, your problem is that you want to cater to your child's need to have a playdate, have a party, etc. MORE than the other parties need to do the same stuff. Since you need it more than the other parents need it , you have no choice other than to suck up and get with the program.

I do not keep a balance sheet like you do. I can make peace with the fact that the friendships among the children is worth the effort on my part. I too have a choice not to do so - if I so desire.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No, the other parents do NOT want to drive. Period. They want to outsource everything because the DW is mad at the DH. Reread.

OP's exact words:

"If one of the two participating parents drop out (they might, they are tired and [b]just prefer to drive themselves), it would be all on the one parent."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, here is another way to look at it.

I am a mom who loves to do the carpooling, the hosting etc. Why? My son loves the company of other children, and many of the parents do not have the flexibility, energy, time that I do. I love having the kids and parents over when I host. And people always reciprocate in some form or the other. It may not be the exact same thing that I can do - but parents will help out or include my child in some way or the other. I have found that my kid loves when he has his other friends joining him for other activities. If I am already doing everything for my kid - it does not cost me anything at all to include other people's kids as well. And frankly, I really enjoy doing this for the kids.

People are not refusing to participate - they are just not participating the way you want them to.

Signed, why isn't everyone like me?

Because not everyone does it because they "like" to.

Ha-ha! Feeling better after getting the snark off your system? Yes, people do not "like" to do this kind of carpooling etc.. So the solution is not to do it. Do what you want to do and participate the way you want to. You always have the choice to NOT do this kind of activity.

However, your problem is that you want to cater to your child's need to have a playdate, have a party, etc. MORE than the other parties need to do the same stuff. Since you need it more than the other parents need it , you have no choice other than to suck up and get with the program.

I do not keep a balance sheet like you do. I can make peace with the fact that the friendships among the children is worth the effort on my part. I too have a choice not to do so - if I so desire.

You sound extremely defensive. I wonder why? Oh, never mind.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. The issue lies with one or two parents, that everyone complains about. I saw my post as seeking a solution, instead of complaining, so I have no apology for you.

Actually, the same parents wanted their children to only be in class with children of their same (not similar, identical only) culture. But I suppose that is a whole 'nother post!

I am quite simply looking for solutions for racist parents, I suppose. I mean, if you want to make it complicated, we certainly can......

Really OP?

Really?

Perhaps the parents don't like you, separate from your race? People can sense disdain and judgment even if they are of different races.