Do you think having sex on the same bed while 13mo child is sleeping consider child abused?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why can't you just go have sex on the couch, kitchen counter or in the baby's room? Or at least have sex under the covers?

FWIW I remember my grandparents having sex when I went on vacation with them. They were under the covers and nothing obnoxious. I didn't look either. Looking back, I think fondly about it in a non creepy way that I was happy my grandparents still loved each other.

Pretty sure you weren't 13 months old.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm also a mandated reporter, for the county I live in as well as the county north of where I live. I don't think either of the hotlines I call would end up taking a formal report for this. I'm not saying it's not "weird", hey I couldn't even get in the mood with my dog in the room, but that doesn't mean it's illegal.

"indecent exposure of the genitals to a child"

To the PPs who believe that having sex in the same bed/room as your child (not to mention, while the child is sleeping) qualifies as "indecent exposure of the genitals to a child"- does this mean you also believe it's CSA to walk around the home naked (even if just to walk from the bathroom to the bedroom)? or bathe with a child? I'm honestly wondering, not trying to imply anything.

"displaying pornography to a child"

Wondering, does anyone believe having live sex in front of a child constitutes "displaying porn to a child"? Again, I think I'd feel uncomfortable but I don't believe it's abuse nor do I believe the county would make a report or actively investigate this. This topic came up because of co-sleeping, correct? We're not talking about a couple who built a stage in their living room to have sex on with their kids as the audience.

What is the difference in children watching adults have sex live in front of them and watching adults have sex on TV?

I'm not sure. Though depending on who the adults were, if they were predators, the child would be at more risk watching live sex. As I pointed out in my post, I'm responding to the question about cosleeping and TCC. The parents aren't intending for the child to watch the sex/live porn, the parents are trying to get pregnant and happen to sleep in the same bed or room as the child.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Are you kidding?? What a stupid thing for someone to say. No, it's absolutely not child abuse. A kid that young isn't going to remember you having sex in front of them. This happens all the time in other countries where the family bed is the norm. That said, I personally would never do it. I do not cosleep, my DD has been in her crib in her own room since 4 mos old.

Which culture do we live in? I forget. Are single-room huts and family beds the norm here?

[Anonymous]

Co-sleeping is NOT for me. But come on- NO this is not child abuse.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Get real people. Before you all had 6000sf homes, generations have been living in one room huts. Parents have been fucking in front of sleeping kids for ages.

I agree. I don't think it's ideal and that adults should be a discreet as possible, but the reality is that having ones private room to have sex in is the exception not the norm in most of the world. I am not saying it's ideal, but it's no sociopathic either.

+2 to this.

I agree too. I have had sex with my husband while our kids slept in the same hotel room in a bed next to us. We were quiet and doing it under the covers. My kids were young (both under 4). They are now 11 and 9, and while I wouldn't consider it child abuse, I would not feel comfortable doing it with them in the room.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am the poster who called out the woman on the other thread for being a child abuser for having sex with her 13 mo in the bed.

First, I have no problem with people being naked in front of their children, etc.

However, why in the hell would ANYONE think this is appropriate behavior for parents. I do not care if your child is a newborn or 10 years old, its completely inappropriate.

I actually think the other woman was bragging about it. Like it was cool they did this. Exposing a child to a sexual act whether you are their parents or not is child abuse and I am horrified that I even stooped to the level of having to type this.

All time low for DCUM on this one.

And to the OP- obviously you know there is something wrong with this because you started a thread about it. Had I just been some "crazy lady" you would not think twice about this huh?

Anyone who can justify this is horrible. I am no prude and my sex life is perfect but I have no need to risk any exposure of it to my kids.

I am the person you "called out." Originally, I was answering a question someone asked another poster about it, something intelligent like "omg what if they see him in you??" well, 1. they are asleep 2. I wouldn't consider it the end of the world because they have no clue what they are seeing. I believe I compared it to having sex with a pet in the room.

I was not bragging about it. I was taunting you because I think your rigid view of this is bizarre. To address some of the less rigid posters, no, it is not my favorite way to have sex, but we are ttc and romance/being "in the mood" is not always the top priority. When we want romance we go elsewhere. The other posters who said they did this were also ttc, fwiw.

Congratulations on your "perfect" sex life, btw. What a feat! I bet your kids are perfect too. You should write a book for the rest of us.

[Anonymous]

I wouldn't have sex while DS is in the same bed. Seems weird. However, I don't think CPS would consider it child abuse since 1. the kid is sleeping and 2. the kid is not in any immediate danger

Less weird if DS is in the same room but asleep somewhere else.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm also a mandated reporter, for the county I live in as well as the county north of where I live. I don't think either of the hotlines I call would end up taking a formal report for this. I'm not saying it's not "weird", hey I couldn't even get in the mood with my dog in the room, but that doesn't mean it's illegal.

"indecent exposure of the genitals to a child"

To the PPs who believe that having sex in the same bed/room as your child (not to mention, while the child is sleeping) qualifies as "indecent exposure of the genitals to a child"- does this mean you also believe it's CSA to walk around the home naked (even if just to walk from the bathroom to the bedroom)? or bathe with a child? I'm honestly wondering, not trying to imply anything.

"displaying pornography to a child"

Wondering, does anyone believe having live sex in front of a child constitutes "displaying porn to a child"? Again, I think I'd feel uncomfortable but I don't believe it's abuse nor do I believe the county would make a report or actively investigate this. This topic came up because of co-sleeping, correct? We're not talking about a couple who built a stage in their living room to have sex on with their kids as the audience.

What is the difference in children watching adults have sex live in front of them and watching adults have sex on TV?

I think a hotline is probably going to look at the overall situation. They might be concerned about parents in a living space so small that there are not enough sleeping areas for everyone to have a private space. They might be concerned about parents cosleeping at all. I think the hotline would be concerned about the story where a woman has incestual sex while her older children watch TV in the same room. But I don't think that they will be as concerned about a couple having sex in the same room as their child, or even the same bed as their sleeping child.

Also, for what it's worth, in order to display genitals OR pornography to a child, the child has to actually be awake. The poster who related the original story states pretty clearly that her child was asleep at the time. I've fooled around with my husband when we all shared a bed on vacation. We didn't have sex, but that was primary because it's pretty hard to get in the mood when your baby is snoring next to you. Was the making out sex abuse too, PPs?

Correct, the hotline will look at the overall situation and usually has the ability to search the database to see if the family has had any formal reports taken and/or investigated.

Keep in mind, the last dozen calls I've made were to do with flat out CSA between parent or sibling and a child (child told me), suspected child sex trafficking, and parents doing drugs with their young children (and by with I don't mean in the same area, I mean doing drugs while their child also does the drug). If I called because of a middle class family (not that this SHOULD have anything to do with it but in the neighborhood I live in, it does) TTC while their infant/toddler peacefully sleeps in the bed next to them, the operator would probably laugh or at least think I was an idiot.

[Anonymous]

Yes

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm also a mandated reporter, for the county I live in as well as the county north of where I live. I don't think either of the hotlines I call would end up taking a formal report for this. I'm not saying it's not "weird", hey I couldn't even get in the mood with my dog in the room, but that doesn't mean it's illegal.

"indecent exposure of the genitals to a child"

To the PPs who believe that having sex in the same bed/room as your child (not to mention, while the child is sleeping) qualifies as "indecent exposure of the genitals to a child"- does this mean you also believe it's CSA to walk around the home naked (even if just to walk from the bathroom to the bedroom)? or bathe with a child? I'm honestly wondering, not trying to imply anything.

"displaying pornography to a child"

Wondering, does anyone believe having live sex in front of a child constitutes "displaying porn to a child"? Again, I think I'd feel uncomfortable but I don't believe it's abuse nor do I believe the county would make a report or actively investigate this. This topic came up because of co-sleeping, correct? We're not talking about a couple who built a stage in their living room to have sex on with their kids as the audience.

What is the difference in children watching adults have sex live in front of them and watching adults have sex on TV?

I think a hotline is probably going to look at the overall situation. They might be concerned about parents in a living space so small that there are not enough sleeping areas for everyone to have a private space. They might be concerned about parents cosleeping at all. I think the hotline would be concerned about the story where a woman has incestual sex while her older children watch TV in the same room. But I don't think that they will be as concerned about a couple having sex in the same room as their child, or even the same bed as their sleeping child.

Also, for what it's worth, in order to display genitals OR pornography to a child, the child has to actually be awake. The poster who related the original story states pretty clearly that her child was asleep at the time. I've fooled around with my husband when we all shared a bed on vacation. We didn't have sex, but that was primary because it's pretty hard to get in the mood when your baby is snoring next to you. Was the making out sex abuse too, PPs?

Correct, the hotline will look at the overall situation and usually has the ability to search the database to see if the family has had any formal reports taken and/or investigated.

Keep in mind, the last dozen calls I've made were to do with flat out CSA between parent or sibling and a child (child told me), suspected child sex trafficking, and parents doing drugs with their young children (and by with I don't mean in the same area, I mean doing drugs while their child also does the drug). If I called because of a middle class family (not that this SHOULD have anything to do with it but in the neighborhood I live in, it does) TTC while their infant/toddler peacefully sleeps in the bed next to them, the operator would probably laugh or at least think I was an idiot.

Just because worse things happen doesn't make it right.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:For those of you who think it is natural to have a family sex bed - is there any age where it wouldn't be appropriate any more for your kids to be in bed with you while you have sex?

If your kids came home from your ex and said they slept in his bed with him, and he had sex that they woke up and heard/watched - would you be fine with that. Just part of being a family?

To answer your question honestly -

I don't know for sure when it would be inappropriate but I can say that it'd be uncomfortable once the child is more aware of what's going on. When they wouldn't believe "oh daddy and I were just doing some special yoga, sorry, let's go back to sleep."

If they were able to come home and explain what happened I would be uncomfortable with what happened. I would allow my child to talk about it with me and probably end up having to have a talk about sex and how it's such a beautiful thing that people who are in love do blah blah blah. I would hopefully have a good relationship with my ex and would call to talk about it and plan for it to not happen again because the child is obviously interested/concerned since they are bringing it up with me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm also a mandated reporter, for the county I live in as well as the county north of where I live. I don't think either of the hotlines I call would end up taking a formal report for this. I'm not saying it's not "weird", hey I couldn't even get in the mood with my dog in the room, but that doesn't mean it's illegal.

"indecent exposure of the genitals to a child"

To the PPs who believe that having sex in the same bed/room as your child (not to mention, while the child is sleeping) qualifies as "indecent exposure of the genitals to a child"- does this mean you also believe it's CSA to walk around the home naked (even if just to walk from the bathroom to the bedroom)? or bathe with a child? I'm honestly wondering, not trying to imply anything.

"displaying pornography to a child"

Wondering, does anyone believe having live sex in front of a child constitutes "displaying porn to a child"? Again, I think I'd feel uncomfortable but I don't believe it's abuse nor do I believe the county would make a report or actively investigate this. This topic came up because of co-sleeping, correct? We're not talking about a couple who built a stage in their living room to have sex on with their kids as the audience.

What is the difference in children watching adults have sex live in front of them and watching adults have sex on TV?

I think a hotline is probably going to look at the overall situation. They might be concerned about parents in a living space so small that there are not enough sleeping areas for everyone to have a private space. They might be concerned about parents cosleeping at all. I think the hotline would be concerned about the story where a woman has incestual sex while her older children watch TV in the same room. But I don't think that they will be as concerned about a couple having sex in the same room as their child, or even the same bed as their sleeping child.

Also, for what it's worth, in order to display genitals OR pornography to a child, the child has to actually be awake. The poster who related the original story states pretty clearly that her child was asleep at the time. I've fooled around with my husband when we all shared a bed on vacation. We didn't have sex, but that was primary because it's pretty hard to get in the mood when your baby is snoring next to you. Was the making out sex abuse too, PPs?

Correct, the hotline will look at the overall situation and usually has the ability to search the database to see if the family has had any formal reports taken and/or investigated.

Keep in mind, the last dozen calls I've made were to do with flat out CSA between parent or sibling and a child (child told me), suspected child sex trafficking, and parents doing drugs with their young children (and by with I don't mean in the same area, I mean doing drugs while their child also does the drug). If I called because of a middle class family (not that this SHOULD have anything to do with it but in the neighborhood I live in, it does) TTC while their infant/toddler peacefully sleeps in the bed next to them, the operator would probably laugh or at least think I was an idiot.

Just because worse things happen doesn't make it right.

It doesn't make it child abuse either. the other thread has the definition posted--it talks about harm, potential harm, or threatened harm. I said it there and I'll say it here: please describe what harm is done to an infant sleeping next to TTC parents. The best anyone has been able to do is say it might be evidence of poor judgment, poverty, or that the cosleeping might be endangering the child. Nobody has tried to claim it will harm the child's development, sexual or otherwise. Just this vague "omg, sex, gross" objection.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm also a mandated reporter, for the county I live in as well as the county north of where I live. I don't think either of the hotlines I call would end up taking a formal report for this. I'm not saying it's not "weird", hey I couldn't even get in the mood with my dog in the room, but that doesn't mean it's illegal.

"indecent exposure of the genitals to a child"

To the PPs who believe that having sex in the same bed/room as your child (not to mention, while the child is sleeping) qualifies as "indecent exposure of the genitals to a child"- does this mean you also believe it's CSA to walk around the home naked (even if just to walk from the bathroom to the bedroom)? or bathe with a child? I'm honestly wondering, not trying to imply anything.

"displaying pornography to a child"

Wondering, does anyone believe having live sex in front of a child constitutes "displaying porn to a child"? Again, I think I'd feel uncomfortable but I don't believe it's abuse nor do I believe the county would make a report or actively investigate this. This topic came up because of co-sleeping, correct? We're not talking about a couple who built a stage in their living room to have sex on with their kids as the audience.

What is the difference in children watching adults have sex live in front of them and watching adults have sex on TV?

I think a hotline is probably going to look at the overall situation. They might be concerned about parents in a living space so small that there are not enough sleeping areas for everyone to have a private space. They might be concerned about parents cosleeping at all. I think the hotline would be concerned about the story where a woman has incestual sex while her older children watch TV in the same room. But I don't think that they will be as concerned about a couple having sex in the same room as their child, or even the same bed as their sleeping child.

Also, for what it's worth, in order to display genitals OR pornography to a child, the child has to actually be awake. The poster who related the original story states pretty clearly that her child was asleep at the time. I've fooled around with my husband when we all shared a bed on vacation. We didn't have sex, but that was primary because it's pretty hard to get in the mood when your baby is snoring next to you. Was the making out sex abuse too, PPs?

Correct, the hotline will look at the overall situation and usually has the ability to search the database to see if the family has had any formal reports taken and/or investigated.

Keep in mind, the last dozen calls I've made were to do with flat out CSA between parent or sibling and a child (child told me), suspected child sex trafficking, and parents doing drugs with their young children (and by with I don't mean in the same area, I mean doing drugs while their child also does the drug). If I called because of a middle class family (not that this SHOULD have anything to do with it but in the neighborhood I live in, it does) TTC while their infant/toddler peacefully sleeps in the bed next to them, the operator would probably laugh or at least think I was an idiot.

Just because worse things happen doesn't make it right.

It doesn't make it child abuse either. the other thread has the definition posted--it talks about harm, potential harm, or threatened harm. I said it there and I'll say it here: please describe what harm is done to an infant sleeping next to TTC parents. The best anyone has been able to do is say it might be evidence of poor judgment, poverty, or that the cosleeping might be endangering the child. Nobody has tried to claim it will harm the child's development, sexual or otherwise. Just this vague "omg, sex, gross" objection.

Would you let an infant hang out in a room, in view, of a gruesomely violent movie?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm also a mandated reporter, for the county I live in as well as the county north of where I live. I don't think either of the hotlines I call would end up taking a formal report for this. I'm not saying it's not "weird", hey I couldn't even get in the mood with my dog in the room, but that doesn't mean it's illegal.

"indecent exposure of the genitals to a child"

To the PPs who believe that having sex in the same bed/room as your child (not to mention, while the child is sleeping) qualifies as "indecent exposure of the genitals to a child"- does this mean you also believe it's CSA to walk around the home naked (even if just to walk from the bathroom to the bedroom)? or bathe with a child? I'm honestly wondering, not trying to imply anything.

"displaying pornography to a child"

Wondering, does anyone believe having live sex in front of a child constitutes "displaying porn to a child"? Again, I think I'd feel uncomfortable but I don't believe it's abuse nor do I believe the county would make a report or actively investigate this. This topic came up because of co-sleeping, correct? We're not talking about a couple who built a stage in their living room to have sex on with their kids as the audience.

What is the difference in children watching adults have sex live in front of them and watching adults have sex on TV?

I think a hotline is probably going to look at the overall situation. They might be concerned about parents in a living space so small that there are not enough sleeping areas for everyone to have a private space. They might be concerned about parents cosleeping at all. I think the hotline would be concerned about the story where a woman has incestual sex while her older children watch TV in the same room. But I don't think that they will be as concerned about a couple having sex in the same room as their child, or even the same bed as their sleeping child.

Also, for what it's worth, in order to display genitals OR pornography to a child, the child has to actually be awake. The poster who related the original story states pretty clearly that her child was asleep at the time. I've fooled around with my husband when we all shared a bed on vacation. We didn't have sex, but that was primary because it's pretty hard to get in the mood when your baby is snoring next to you. Was the making out sex abuse too, PPs?

Correct, the hotline will look at the overall situation and usually has the ability to search the database to see if the family has had any formal reports taken and/or investigated.

Keep in mind, the last dozen calls I've made were to do with flat out CSA between parent or sibling and a child (child told me), suspected child sex trafficking, and parents doing drugs with their young children (and by with I don't mean in the same area, I mean doing drugs while their child also does the drug). If I called because of a middle class family (not that this SHOULD have anything to do with it but in the neighborhood I live in, it does) TTC while their infant/toddler peacefully sleeps in the bed next to them, the operator would probably laugh or at least think I was an idiot.

Just because worse things happen doesn't make it right.

Several people have posted that they aren't as shocked or horrified as you are. Several people have said that while they wouldn't do it and don't really understand how a person could find that romantic, they do not find it to be sexual abuse.

Look, sexual abuse is real. I work with traumatized kids and it is absolutely heartbreaking. But you need to put things in perspective. The parent who posted on the other thread (and this one) is not a predator. She and her husband are not involving their child in their sex life. They maybe should go in the other room, but I do not find anything dangerous or predatory about what was described. People who take definitions on Wikipedia, of all places, literally in the way that many on this thread are doing minimize the dangerous actual abuse that happens to children every day.

That said, if what you're really after is to sit around and pat yourself on the back about what a perfect virtuous person you are, and how other people's sliding scale of evil is beneath you, that's entirely up to you. I don't think it does anything for child abuse victims, though.

[Anonymous]

Oh lord. Here DCUM goes.