Do you think having sex on the same bed while 13mo child is sleeping consider child abused?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'd say inappropriate and a bad parenting choice. (I mean how many of us are actually in huts, PP?) But not abusive - at most you'd scare your baby if s/he woke up. That said, I really cannot fathom why anyone would have sex with baby in the *same bed* given that 99% of the PPs likely have a sofa in another room (and probably another bed somewhere in the house).

I spoke with my DH about this thread last night and he thinks couples who do this actually "get off" on the fact they have the kid in the bed. Thats what makes this so sick to me. Most people would not even be able to get in the mood with a child in the bed...let alone in the same room.

While I do not doubt that there may be some individuals who find such a thing to be a turn on, I really don't think that's the case with the vast majority of posters who have said that they have had sex in the same vicinity as their child. I had sex in my bed while my 3 month old was sleeping in her cosleeper attached to the bed. I also had sex in a hotel room when she was sleeping on the second bed.

I am one of the two mandated reporters who has been commenting on this thread, and I really hope that people develop a slightly more nuanced understanding of human behavior and what constitutes abuse than they have demonstrated on this thread. A couple TTC while their child is sleeping nearby is not "so sick" and if they have ulterior motives, certainly "getting off because their kid is watching" is a lot lower on the list than "conceive a child".

As I said earlier this morning, the universe between what some people consider to be gross or inappropriate and what rises to the legal standard of actionable child abuse is a fairly diverse one. I don't make a habit out of having sex while my child is nearby, but apparently to you, even doing it one time is "so sick" and abusive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There's a movie with Diane Keaton like this where she loses custody of her (older) daughter. I forget the name, it was made in the 80s late 80s I believe.

The Good Mother.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'd say inappropriate and a bad parenting choice. (I mean how many of us are actually in huts, PP?) But not abusive - at most you'd scare your baby if s/he woke up. That said, I really cannot fathom why anyone would have sex with baby in the *same bed* given that 99% of the PPs likely have a sofa in another room (and probably another bed somewhere in the house).

I spoke with my DH about this thread last night and he thinks couples who do this actually "get off" on the fact they have the kid in the bed. Thats what makes this so sick to me. Most people would not even be able to get in the mood with a child in the bed...let alone in the same room.

Something tells me you guys don't cosleep.

Co-sleeping and having sex in the bed when your child is in it are two completely different things. Do you really not know that?

[Anonymous]

I wouldn't consider it "abuse," but I would consider it strange and inappropriate. Put the child in a crib, for Pete's sake.

[Anonymous]

It think there are boundary issues in this case.

It's just weird.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Get real people. Before you all had 6000sf homes, generations have been living in one room huts. Parents have been fucking in front of sleeping kids for ages.

[phone]

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm quite willing to bet PP knows anatomy and was exaggerating for effect. Looks like it worked.

Bingo. I am the poster who wrote so eloquently about my husband's penis. I can assure you I am not 13 years old, I'm well aware of the anatomical realities of sex while pregnant, and I am also clear that a 13 month old is not a newborn.

The point was, for the slower commenters of the thread, I was quoting a poster who exclaimed that she could not believe how ANYONE could possibly see it as appropriate to have sex with any child in the bed (she specifically mentions it being in appropriate even for a newborn). So I pointed out, that if she found this practice completely inappropriate and disgusting, it sure would be far, far more disgusting and inappropriate for a pregnant woman to have sex. As the proximity would be even closer and the baby even more "aware" of what was happening. I was exaggerating the level of vulgarity of sex while pregnant to illuminate the ridiculousness of that poster thinking that having sex next to a sleeping newborn was also vulgar. See how that works?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm quite willing to bet PP knows anatomy and was exaggerating for effect. Looks like it worked.

Bingo. I am the poster who wrote so eloquently about my husband's penis. I can assure you I am not 13 years old, I'm well aware of the anatomical realities of sex while pregnant, and I am also clear that a 13 month old is not a newborn.

The point was, for the slower commenters of the thread, I was quoting a poster who exclaimed that she could not believe how ANYONE could possibly see it as appropriate to have sex with any child in the bed (she specifically mentions it being in appropriate even for a newborn). So I pointed out, that if she found this practice completely inappropriate and disgusting, it sure would be far, far more disgusting and inappropriate for a pregnant woman to have sex. As the proximity would be even closer and the baby even more "aware" of what was happening. I was exaggerating the level of vulgarity of sex while pregnant to illuminate the ridiculousness of that poster thinking that having sex next to a sleeping newborn was also vulgar. See how that works?

Yeah, fail.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Get real people. Before you all had 6000sf homes, generations have been living in one room huts. Parents have been fucking in front of sleeping kids for ages.

[phone]

Our house is small and one-level (6,000 sq ft, suuuure) and yet we still manage to have sex without our child being inches away! Amazing! How do we ever pull it off??? Oh yeah, a crib.

Come on, I don't care how fanatical you are about co-sleeping - give yourselves some privacy and let your baby sleep in peace. People live in one-room huts because they HAVE to, not because of some trendy attachment parenting trend. You have better options, so use them.

[Anonymous]

To the last two PP's - your logic is clearly lacking. The point about the one room huts? Not valid to compare current society to cavemen. The point is that we as people have EVOLVED. We DON'T live in caves anymore. I am not even going to waste my time outlining it any further for you.

As for the woman that made the crude post about having sex while pregnant. Sobered up this morning and trying to back track? You are one foul mouthed thing.

No one said that pregnant women shouldn't have sex.

I stand by my original statement that it is strange, odd and creepy to have sex with a 13 month old on the same bed. For those of you that think it's fine - SMH.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:To the last two PP's - your logic is clearly lacking. The point about the one room huts? Not valid to compare current society to cavemen. The point is that we as people have EVOLVED. We DON'T live in caves anymore. I am not even going to waste my time outlining it any further for you.

As for the woman that made the crude post about having sex while pregnant. Sobered up this morning and trying to back track? You are one foul mouthed thing.

No one said that pregnant women shouldn't have sex.

I stand by my original statement that it is strange, odd and creepy to have sex with a 13 month old on the same bed. For those of you that think it's fine - SMH.

Hallelujah!!!!! Some sanity!!!!!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:To the last two PP's - your logic is clearly lacking. The point about the one room huts? Not valid to compare current society to cavemen. The point is that we as people have EVOLVED. We DON'T live in caves anymore. I am not even going to waste my time outlining it any further for you.

As for the woman that made the crude post about having sex while pregnant. Sobered up this morning and trying to back track? You are one foul mouthed thing.

No one said that pregnant women shouldn't have sex.

I stand by my original statement that it is strange, odd and creepy to have sex with a 13 month old on the same bed. For those of you that think it's fine - SMH.

People all over Asia, Africa, Latin America and Eastern Europe still live in one room dwellings (whether they are huts or not will probably depend on location). Nice to know you think people in those regions = cavemen. I am from one of those regions and when I was a small child, my parents and I lived in one room. I assure you, that was not in prehistoric times unless I am a lot older than I look.

I am not a poster who thinks the behavior in OP's question is fine and dandy (move the kid off the bed, at the very least, ugh!), but acknowledge your privilege.

[Anonymous]

I'd say inappropriate and a bad parenting choice. (I mean how many of us are actually in huts, PP?) But not abusive - at most you'd scare your baby if s/he woke up. That said, I really cannot fathom why anyone would have sex with baby in the *same bed* given that 99% of the PPs likely have a sofa in another room (and probably another bed somewhere in the house).

I spoke with my DH about this thread last night and he thinks couples who do this actually "get off" on the fact they have the kid in the bed. Thats what makes this so sick to me. Most people would not even be able to get in the mood with a child in the bed...let alone in the same room.

Something tells me you guys don't cosleep.

Co-sleeping and having sex in the bed when your child is in it are two completely different things. Do you really not know that?

Ah, I did co-sleep (I'm the first PP). When we had sex, we did it in another room. Boom ba-da-bing. Not hard.

So again, can't fathom why you would do it with a baby in the *same bed* (think crib across hotel room while TTC is a completely different matter). I mean, even putting the abuse question aside, just the physical realities would be damper (Yes, yes... wait, whoops! Just double-bounced junior off the bed!)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'd say inappropriate and a bad parenting choice. (I mean how many of us are actually in huts, PP?) But not abusive - at most you'd scare your baby if s/he woke up. That said, I really cannot fathom why anyone would have sex with baby in the *same bed* given that 99% of the PPs likely have a sofa in another room (and probably another bed somewhere in the house).

I spoke with my DH about this thread last night and he thinks couples who do this actually "get off" on the fact they have the kid in the bed. Thats what makes this so sick to me. Most people would not even be able to get in the mood with a child in the bed...let alone in the same room.

While I do not doubt that there may be some individuals who find such a thing to be a turn on, I really don't think that's the case with the vast majority of posters who have said that they have had sex in the same vicinity as their child. I had sex in my bed while my 3 month old was sleeping in her cosleeper attached to the bed. I also had sex in a hotel room when she was sleeping on the second bed.

I am one of the two mandated reporters who has been commenting on this thread, and I really hope that people develop a slightly more nuanced understanding of human behavior and what constitutes abuse than they have demonstrated on this thread. A couple TTC while their child is sleeping nearby is not "so sick" and if they have ulterior motives, certainly "getting off because their kid is watching" is a lot lower on the list than "conceive a child".

As I said earlier this morning, the universe between what some people consider to be gross or inappropriate and what rises to the legal standard of actionable child abuse is a fairly diverse one. I don't make a habit out of having sex while my child is nearby, but apparently to you, even doing it one time is "so sick" and abusive.

NP, and not only am I still a mandated reporter, I worked for CPS for more than 10 yrs. You are absolutely right PP. I haven't read this whole thread, but after reading some of these responses on the last page, just wanted to chime in with this PP. It may seem like a very poor parenting choice to many, but having sex in the same bed as a sleeping baby is so far from actual child abuse, it's absolutely NOT actionable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:To the last two PP's - your logic is clearly lacking. The point about the one room huts? Not valid to compare current society to cavemen. The point is that we as people have EVOLVED. We DON'T live in caves anymore. I am not even going to waste my time outlining it any further for you.

As for the woman that made the crude post about having sex while pregnant. Sobered up this morning and trying to back track? You are one foul mouthed thing.

No one said that pregnant women shouldn't have sex.

I stand by my original statement that it is strange, odd and creepy to have sex with a 13 month old on the same bed. For those of you that think it's fine - SMH.

This post is so ignorant and obnoxious. Both of which come up often on DCUM, but you may have taken the prize for the month PP. Do yourself a favor, get out of NW or whatever area of DMV you live in. Go somewhere where people actually make their homes and food themselves. Meet people who have more talent, skill and know-how in their little fingers than you have in your entire body or life experience. Oh, and run the "We don't live in caves anymore" comment by them, I'm sure they'll enjoy it.