What is a Tiger Mom? If you are one how are you different from everyone else?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The top asian schools are more rigorous than the american public schools. Difference is the American schools are usually open to all. Whereas only the top 1-5% go to the top asian schools.

Now, where the US educational system wins is college and grad school.

Indeed. And so many of the top researchers and professors there are Asians. Take away the Asians and the US graduate school lose their lustre. Research how many Asians are in US universities and other organizations like NASA, NIST etc - and you will see that it is a huge percentage of their population in the US.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The top asian schools are more rigorous than the american public schools. Difference is the American schools are usually open to all. Whereas only the top 1-5% go to the top asian schools.

Now, where the US educational system wins is college and grad school.

Indeed. And so many of the top researchers and professors there are Asians. Take away the Asians and the US graduate school lose their lustre. Research how many Asians are in US universities and other organizations like NASA, NIST etc - and you will see that it is a huge percentage of their population in the US.

Ah, but the contention of the critics of tiger parenting is that they are all "good little soldiers" as a PP put it - incapable of an original thought, lacking leadership skills and creativity.

Unfortunately it is a stereotype that some actually believe!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Our DCs are awesome - on nationally ranked sports teams, have taken SATs at age 12 to qualify for Johns Hopkins SET, etc. Never once have I goaded them to do more. Rather, I engage with them in discussions about life, philosophy, why it's important to be engaged in what you do. And I do NOT shield them from anything in the popular culture - no matter how vulgar. But I do make clear I disapprove of some things (like tattoos), and explain why. They can eat what they want, go to bed when they want, watch what they want on TV. I never hid candy or anything from them, and as a result they are not interested. And I never coach them - that's for professionals, which I am not. And we take them everywhere we can for travel - safari, Europe, all over US (you can see a lot of it on top travel teams). Just for exposure to other places, people, experiences. Education is way more important than mommy guidance. In fact, at the top level of any sport there are jokes about "daddy" and "mommy" coaches being inadequate.

Right like Tiger Woods and the Williams sisters. Oh and Tom Brady. Didn't work out for any of them having Dad as coach.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Our DCs are awesome - on nationally ranked sports teams, have taken SATs at age 12 to qualify for Johns Hopkins SET, etc. Never once have I goaded them to do more. Rather, I engage with them in discussions about life, philosophy, why it's important to be engaged in what you do. And I do NOT shield them from anything in the popular culture - no matter how vulgar. But I do make clear I disapprove of some things (like tattoos), and explain why. They can eat what they want, go to bed when they want, watch what they want on TV. I never hid candy or anything from them, and as a result they are not interested. And I never coach them - that's for professionals, which I am not. And we take them everywhere we can for travel - safari, Europe, all over US (you can see a lot of it on top travel teams). Just for exposure to other places, people, experiences. Education is way more important than mommy guidance. In fact, at the top level of any sport there are jokes about "daddy" and "mommy" coaches being inadequate.

Right like Tiger Woods and the Williams sisters. Oh and Tom Brady. Didn't work out for any of them having Dad as coach.

I do not know anything about the Williams sisters (tennis, right?) of Tom Brady( football?) but while Tiger Woods may be a fantastic tennis player, he is not the best example of a fully integrated, mature person. He may be getting there, late and not the easy way, but he was certainly seen as lacking in personality when he was younger. Not to mention the sexual acting out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Our DCs are awesome - on nationally ranked sports teams, have taken SATs at age 12 to qualify for Johns Hopkins SET, etc. Never once have I goaded them to do more. Rather, I engage with them in discussions about life, philosophy, why it's important to be engaged in what you do. And I do NOT shield them from anything in the popular culture - no matter how vulgar. But I do make clear I disapprove of some things (like tattoos), and explain why. They can eat what they want, go to bed when they want, watch what they want on TV. I never hid candy or anything from them, and as a result they are not interested. And I never coach them - that's for professionals, which I am not. And we take them everywhere we can for travel - safari, Europe, all over US (you can see a lot of it on top travel teams). Just for exposure to other places, people, experiences. Education is way more important than mommy guidance. In fact, at the top level of any sport there are jokes about "daddy" and "mommy" coaches being inadequate.

Right like Tiger Woods and the Williams sisters. Oh and Tom Brady. Didn't work out for any of them having Dad as coach.

I do not know anything about the Williams sisters (tennis, right?) of Tom Brady( football?) but while Tiger Woods may be a fantastic tennis player, he is not the best example of a fully integrated, mature person. He may be getting there, late and not the easy way, but he was certainly seen as lacking in personality when he was younger. Not to mention the sexual acting out.

Have you been living in a cave or something? Tiger Woods is (or was) the best GOLF player for a while. And I wouldn't necessarily attribute his bad behavior to "tiger" parenting. More like, his fame got to his head, little and big one.

[Anonymous]

I am not in hyper competitive DC..I am in a Western rural area...but compared to my kids' classmates, I am a Tiger Mom.

I expect them to be in high level classes and get good grades.

I limit TV and video games. I do not emphasize sports. The kids play sports but I do not talk about professional sports teams and we don't watch sports on tv.

I have emphasized reading since they were babies. I expect them to read a lot and read high quality stuff.

I talk about top colleges and careers and point out that they aren't going to get in unless they do well in school. I tell them they want/need professional careers because they are intelligent people and intelligent people are not happy being in jobs that don't use smarts.

[Anonymous]

The whole point of Amy Chua's book was that the technique worked for her older daughter, but not for her younger one. I only knew a few Tiger parents when I was growing up, but that ratio was reflected in their experience as well; i.e., half the kids excelled, and half rebelled, and not in a small way.

Some of her "techniques" simply contradict all of the available research on the science of learning. People don't learn well when they are afraid.

[Anonymous]

OP again. I couldn't resist coming back to this thread seeing the number of postings since this morning and I'm glad that it has taken a more balanced discussion rather than an attack on tiger parenting. I find it interesting that not one of my friends Asian or otherwise has ever claimed to be a tiger parent. Is that part of being humble because its seen as a compliment or are moms worried about being judged? I've been called a tiger mom by some of my Asian friends though which confuses and embarrasses me because I feel there is no way that I work hard enough, am tough enough or that my kids are successful academically enough to "own" that label. I guess that's why I started the thread because I feel like the conventional wisdom is that a tiger mom is someone who doesn't allow her child to be #2 but the reality is more like a mom who understands her child and makes sure that he/ she reaches their potential by working very hard and making lots of sacrifices. Under the second definition, the parent doesn't accept her child is"bad" in a subject for example but rather provides whatever tools are necessary to succeed. Under the second definition, I would probably qualify as a tiger mom, but definitely not under the first one.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am not in hyper competitive DC..I am in a Western rural area...but compared to my kids' classmates, I am a Tiger Mom.

I expect them to be in high level classes and get good grades.

I limit TV and video games. I do not emphasize sports. The kids play sports but I do not talk about professional sports teams and we don't watch sports on tv.

I have emphasized reading since they were babies. I expect them to read a lot and read high quality stuff.

I talk about top colleges and careers and point out that they aren't going to get in unless they do well in school. I tell them they want/need professional careers because they are intelligent people and intelligent people are not happy being in jobs that don't use smarts.

I wouldn't categorize this as tiger parenting. Just good parenting. Tiger parenting is more like pushing the kid above and beyond., having most of their days scheduled with activities, not allowing much free time or socializing outside of said activities.

I do pretty much what you do, but I don't get upset if my kid brings home an I on the report card whereas a tiger mom would. I make my kids go outside and play if the weather is nice, even if it is with sticks and stones and mud - imaginative play; a tiger mom wouldn't do that. I don't put them in after school tutoring to be "more challenged", as the tiger moms would put it. But I do expect them to try their best. This is just a life philosophy that I'm trying to impart.

[Anonymous]

IT'S A CONTINUUM, PEOPLE!

Sorry for shouting, but continua exist for most conditions in life, medical and otherwise, and many people simply find this concept too mature to apply to their petty black-and-white melodramas.

I am a Tiger mother in some respects, and not in others. Like a lot of parents, I tend to require more practice and have higher expectations for subjects that I gravitate towards. It's natural.

Read the Talent Code, by Daniel Coyle. Except for the rare gifted person, most of us succeed with damn hard work, and not only that, but the right kind of hard work - one that is kept just on the right side of challenging.

I am my children's best coach, unless I can find a better one (I did, for my son's swimming). The best way to coach is by honing in on specific weaknesses and pushing to correct them, and praising the effort that overcomes obstacles.

A good parent/coach needs above all to be atuned to his child/student's particular personality and needs. The question is: "How do you reach inside the mind of the child to explain to and convince him to progress?".
Each child is different and will require a different approach, which is why parenting is perforce different for each child.
This is ultimately the best way of respecting a child. Too treat him as the strong and valuable individual he is.

I greatly enjoyed Ame Chua's Tiger Mother book. The author delights in shocking her readers, but I felt that beyond her hyperbolic approach, she knows full well how imperfect and vulnerable she is.

I can keep telling my kids til I'm blue in the face that practice makes perfect. It's only by doing it and seeing the results themselves that they will incorporate that lesson for the rest of their lives.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Our DCs are awesome - on nationally ranked sports teams, have taken SATs at age 12 to qualify for Johns Hopkins SET, etc. Never once have I goaded them to do more. Rather, I engage with them in discussions about life, philosophy, why it's important to be engaged in what you do. And I do NOT shield them from anything in the popular culture - no matter how vulgar. But I do make clear I disapprove of some things (like tattoos), and explain why. They can eat what they want, go to bed when they want, watch what they want on TV. I never hid candy or anything from them, and as a result they are not interested. And I never coach them - that's for professionals, which I am not. And we take them everywhere we can for travel - safari, Europe, all over US (you can see a lot of it on top travel teams). Just for exposure to other places, people, experiences. Education is way more important than mommy guidance. In fact, at the top level of any sport there are jokes about "daddy" and "mommy" coaches being inadequate.

Right like Tiger Woods and the Williams sisters. Oh and Tom Brady. Didn't work out for any of them having Dad as coach.

I do not know anything about the Williams sisters (tennis, right?) of Tom Brady( football?) but while Tiger Woods may be a fantastic tennis player, he is not the best example of a fully integrated, mature person. He may be getting there, late and not the easy way, but he was certainly seen as lacking in personality when he was younger. Not to mention the sexual acting out.

Have you been living in a cave or something? Tiger Woods is (or was) the best GOLF player for a while. And I wouldn't necessarily attribute his bad behavior to "tiger" parenting. More like, his fame got to his head, little and big one.

Read what I wrote. of course he was (and is) a great golfer. But I remember his early career well and what people said about his personality. And when it all blew up the people who knew him consistently said it was a reaction to a completely abnormal upbringing, that he had not been able to grow and differentiate in normal developmental ways and so it all came out in an unhealthy way. Of course, we'll never know what contributed to what. My point is that he is the farthest thing possible from a poster child. If anything he proves my anti-Tigering point: you can produce a prodigy but thats not thte same thing as producing a happy, integrated human being.

[Anonymous]

When I was in high school my best friend (Asian immigrant parents) was Tiger parented. She loved art and was a very good artist but her parents forced her to study math and science. She was very rarely allowed to come to my house and not allowed to stay over with me and was never allowed to go to any social events. Her parents hired teams of coaches to help her in Math, Science etc and she was meant to study virtually all the time. As a result, she rebelled and dated a drug dealer who also went to our school. When it came to university, her choice was simple - Law or Medicine? (this was not in the US so both of these were undergraduate courses) She did a couple of semesters of Law but loathed it so dropped out.

She was one of 6 siblings all of whom were parented this way. One sister, the oldest, became a lawyer and did very well in her field. She married a guy of the same ethnicity as her family but from a lower social class and her parents refused to go to the wedding. Two other sisters dropped out of college and both had babies out of wedlock in their teens with non-Asian guys. The oldest brother was good at math and wanted to be an engineer. The parents forced him to study Medicine instead and he became extremely depressed during residency. After his first year of residency, he committed suicide.

After the suicide, the parents had a huge crisis and realized that they had made many mistakes in their parenting. My friend worked in various low level jobs none of which were her passion. She does art on the side and now she is a SAHM to three young kids. Her parents have become accepting loving grandparents and they put absolutely no pressure on either their older or younger grandchildren. They love my friend's husband even though he is not of their ethnic background. But this is all too little too late.

I realize that not all tiger parents are like my friend's parents but I've read Amy Chua's book and a lot of her methods sound very similar to the methods which were used on my friend and her siblings.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am not in hyper competitive DC..I am in a Western rural area...but compared to my kids' classmates, I am a Tiger Mom.

I expect them to be in high level classes and get good grades.

I limit TV and video games. I do not emphasize sports. The kids play sports but I do not talk about professional sports teams and we don't watch sports on tv.

I have emphasized reading since they were babies. I expect them to read a lot and read high quality stuff.

I talk about top colleges and careers and point out that they aren't going to get in unless they do well in school. I tell them they want/need professional careers because they are intelligent people and intelligent people are not happy being in jobs that don't use smarts.

Do you scold and punish your kids for bad grades? Do you only show affection on the condition that your expectations are met?

[Anonymous]

I am wondering what all of these parents who think of themselves as their children's coaches are coaching them in. I usually think of coaches as being for competitive activities.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When I was in high school my best friend (Asian immigrant parents) was Tiger parented. She loved art and was a very good artist but her parents forced her to study math and science. She was very rarely allowed to come to my house and not allowed to stay over with me and was never allowed to go to any social events. Her parents hired teams of coaches to help her in Math, Science etc and she was meant to study virtually all the time. As a result, she rebelled and dated a drug dealer who also went to our school. When it came to university, her choice was simple - Law or Medicine? (this was not in the US so both of these were undergraduate courses) She did a couple of semesters of Law but loathed it so dropped out.

She was one of 6 siblings all of whom were parented this way. One sister, the oldest, became a lawyer and did very well in her field. She married a guy of the same ethnicity as her family but from a lower social class and her parents refused to go to the wedding. Two other sisters dropped out of college and both had babies out of wedlock in their teens with non-Asian guys. The oldest brother was good at math and wanted to be an engineer. The parents forced him to study Medicine instead and he became extremely depressed during residency. After his first year of residency, he committed suicide.

After the suicide, the parents had a huge crisis and realized that they had made many mistakes in their parenting. My friend worked in various low level jobs none of which were her passion. She does art on the side and now she is a SAHM to three young kids. Her parents have become accepting loving grandparents and they put absolutely no pressure on either their older or younger grandchildren. They love my friend's husband even though he is not of their ethnic background. But this is all too little too late.

I realize that not all tiger parents are like my friend's parents but I've read Amy Chua's book and a lot of her methods sound very similar to the methods which were used on my friend and her siblings.

OP here- I can say similar things about kids who were raised in very liberal households. I know someone whose parenting philosophy was that their kids should have fun and experiment. One is in jail another working retail.