How do I tell the foodie hosting me I'm a very picky eater?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I wonder if these people who are calling the OP unrefined and immature are the same who have kids or understanding for kids who have sensory issues. And, if so, if they think that all kids will just outgrow those issues one day. I don't know any adult person who is picky just because. I am and, if I had to choose, I would definitely make the pickiness go away. It would make my life easier, interactions easier and I wouldn't get judged all the time.
I agree that people are not required to make food specially for me and, because of that, I rarely go to other people's houses for dinner. And I'm okay with that. But the bitchiness and judgement is really unnecessary.

+1. Lay off, folks.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow, OP -- water and tortilla chips? You really couldn't bring yourself to try anything else on the menu?

Yours is more than a food preference or aversion, it's an illness. Adults learn to broaden their palette and try new things.

I HAVE tried new things. I just don't like a lot of them. The first time I ate strawberries with vinegar on them I (didn't know about the vinegar and) thought they'd gone horribly rotten. When I was in Mexico I tried chicken mole even though it looked like liquid shit on top of chicken. It tasted fine. I had an Indian roommate and tried her food numerous times and always wound up gulping tons of water. I was once given a complementary glass of OJ at a restaurant. When I took a sip it tasted wrong and mentioned it to the friend I was brunching with - she tasted it and laughed at me - it had champagne in it. I tried quinoa (didn't like it), some pasta dish my sister made (it would have been okay without the white sauce) - I try things regularly.

You are incredibly immature. The way you describe traditional Mexican mole sause says all we need to know about you.

How old are you? Because if I did not know better from the context of the exchange, I would honestly put you at 13.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wonder if these people who are calling the OP unrefined and immature are the same who have kids or understanding for kids who have sensory issues. And, if so, if they think that all kids will just outgrow those issues one day. I don't know any adult person who is picky just because. I am and, if I had to choose, I would definitely make the pickiness go away. It would make my life easier, interactions easier and I wouldn't get judged all the time.
I agree that people are not required to make food specially for me and, because of that, I rarely go to other people's houses for dinner. And I'm okay with that. But the bitchiness and judgement is really unnecessary.

+1. Lay off, folks.

Uh, ok? Lock the thread down moderator.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, give us a rundown of your typical daily diet. I'm really curious. Have you traveled much in the U.S.? Ever been outside the country? I'm curious about people who've never learned to expand their palate. It's really weird, IMO.

I've traveled a bit through the US (though mostly each coast and little in the middle). I've been to Mexico and Canada once each.
For breakfast I'll eat yogurt (fruit on the bottom or a smoothie yogurt) and crackers, or scrambled eggs and a bagel, oatmeal with sliced banana, french toast, pancakes, etc.
Lunch: most often a chicken caesar salad (no dressing), matzoh ball soup, won ton soup, yogurt and a piece of toast
Dinner: a bunch of variations of chicken (marinated chicken breasts, chicken parm, baked eighths, fried, etc.), seafood, cheese ravioli or tortellini, variations of steak (flank, filet, etc.), pizza, lamb chops, chinese food

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, give us a rundown of your typical daily diet. I'm really curious. Have you traveled much in the U.S.? Ever been outside the country? I'm curious about people who've never learned to expand their palate. It's really weird, IMO.

I've traveled a bit through the US (though mostly each coast and little in the middle). I've been to Mexico and Canada once each.
For breakfast I'll eat yogurt (fruit on the bottom or a smoothie yogurt) and crackers, or scrambled eggs and a bagel, oatmeal with sliced banana, french toast, pancakes, etc.
Lunch: most often a chicken caesar salad (no dressing), matzoh ball soup, won ton soup, yogurt and a piece of toast
Dinner: a bunch of variations of chicken (marinated chicken breasts, chicken parm, baked eighths, fried, etc.), seafood, cheese ravioli or tortellini, variations of steak (flank, filet, etc.), pizza, lamb chops, chinese food

What are baked eighths?

[Anonymous]

I get that the OP won't eat. I think the friend who invites is really wrong to comment on what everyone is and is not eating. I would call this friend and explain the problem, tell her the truth (that you don't like much) and will eat before coming but also that her making notice of everything you eat or do not eat makes you want to decline the invite. Don't expect her to change the menu, but if she can concede not to comment on what you eat, then eat before you go, and don't let the friend call you out.

Or just decline, telling your friend also the truth. It really doesn't sound like much fun to have someone commenting about what you are eating.

[Anonymous]

OP -- I'm a picky eater too, but part of being a picky eater is knowing how to make it work in the real world. What is it that you do for a living that you never have to deal with business lunches/dinners in fancy restaurants that do not feature roasted chicken and mashed potatoes?

I was feeling your pain until you mentioned the "exotic" foods that she flies in from other countries as being caprese salad, Indian, and Mexican. While all those may be "ethnic," they hardly qualify as ethnic and are pretty much mainstream now, esp in the big cities. I'm a picky eater too and I find that in order to not stand out in a bad way, I can only tell people 1 thing I absolutely won't eat and find a way to deal with everything else; for me that's sushi (which gets a ton of judgment), but if you say "I'm up for anything besides sushi, that leaves a LOT of different options." You cannot politely say "well I'm up for anything besides sushi, Indian, Mexican, Italian, Thai, or Chinese" because the host will be thinking WTF.

I'm someone who on my own would never order anything besides burgers, pizza, or pasta marinara. There are a LOT of things I don't like -- for me mostly having to do with sauces and cheeses -- I still think plain food w/o too much added on is best. Yet through years of eating out, I've grown to LOVE Turkish/Lebanese/Middle Eastern, and I like Chinese/Thai, Indian, and Mexican. Granted I tend to eat the simplest thing off of each of those menus, but I eat enough things to make it work (chicken shawrma (sp?); any kind of chicken/tofu with veggies; paneer tikka masala or a few other Indian vegetarian dishes; chicken or steak fajitas etc.)

It can be done and the reason it isn't working for you is because you are refusing to try stuff and going in with an "ew that looks like $hit" attitude. You have to try stuff on a repeated basis and your tastebuds start to figure it out. As for your aversion to spice, I'm sorry but that's just lack of exposure to anything besides bland chicken. So what if you ate Indian food and had to gulp water -- you eat it a few more times, you'll get used to it and not need water.

For this dinner, I'd decline. I'm sorry but it's embarrassing for a grown adult to go to a dinner and eat plain naan and water while everyone is chowing down on chicken tikka and whatever else. Of course your hostess comments -- it's REALLY obvious that you're not eating and don't like the food. It's not like you're a 4 yr old and your mom can say "oh Joey had a late snack, he must not be hungry." You're a grown woman who should understand that part of etiquette and socializing includes eating things you may not love, so as to take the focus off the food and to be able to socialize; you're not there for a meal, you're there to hang with your friends -- not much hanging out with happen if your friends are constantly saying "oh why aren't you eating, can I get you something else?"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, give us a rundown of your typical daily diet. I'm really curious. Have you traveled much in the U.S.? Ever been outside the country? I'm curious about people who've never learned to expand their palate. It's really weird, IMO.

I've traveled a bit through the US (though mostly each coast and little in the middle). I've been to Mexico and Canada once each.
For breakfast I'll eat yogurt (fruit on the bottom or a smoothie yogurt) and crackers, or scrambled eggs and a bagel, oatmeal with sliced banana, french toast, pancakes, etc.
Lunch: most often a chicken caesar salad (no dressing), matzoh ball soup, won ton soup, yogurt and a piece of toast
Dinner: a bunch of variations of chicken (marinated chicken breasts, chicken parm, baked eighths, fried, etc.), seafood, cheese ravioli or tortellini, variations of steak (flank, filet, etc.), pizza, lamb chops, chinese food

I'm the picky eater PP. This sounds much like my daily diet as well. I guess the question is do you want to broaden your eating in order to not stand out in a bad way socially? Or are you comfortable with just eating the above? In an area like DC, there is some expectation that everyone eats some/most ethnic foods -- that does come with different flavors, textures, and spice than the traditional American fare that you have listed. If you want to broaden out -- you need to start eating out and trying things. If you don't because it doesn't affect your work life or your social life except with this one friend -- then it's fine to stick to what you've listed above and decline invites that'll have you eating things you know you won't like.

[Anonymous]

This is why my friend never gets an invite to my house for dinner!

[Anonymous]

For this meal -- decline. It's only your family and her family. It's not a cocktail party where you'll be wandering around -- it'll be super obvious and rude when you sit at the table drinking water and eating none of what the hostess has worked hard to prepare or spend money on to have catered.

For the future -- decide if you want to expand your palate or not. If you do, start going to restaurants that are not Cheesecake Factory or Applebees and thus will not have what you normally eat. If you don't, that's fine too -- just be prepared to decline invites from people that you know enjoy different foods.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP -- I'm a picky eater too, but part of being a picky eater is knowing how to make it work in the real world. What is it that you do for a living that you never have to deal with business lunches/dinners in fancy restaurants that do not feature roasted chicken and mashed potatoes?

I was feeling your pain until you mentioned the "exotic" foods that she flies in from other countries as being caprese salad, Indian, and Mexican. While all those may be "ethnic," they hardly qualify as ethnic and are pretty much mainstream now, esp in the big cities. I'm a picky eater too and I find that in order to not stand out in a bad way, I can only tell people 1 thing I absolutely won't eat and find a way to deal with everything else; for me that's sushi (which gets a ton of judgment), but if you say "I'm up for anything besides sushi, that leaves a LOT of different options." You cannot politely say "well I'm up for anything besides sushi, Indian, Mexican, Italian, Thai, or Chinese" because the host will be thinking WTF.

I'm someone who on my own would never order anything besides burgers, pizza, or pasta marinara. There are a LOT of things I don't like -- for me mostly having to do with sauces and cheeses -- I still think plain food w/o too much added on is best. Yet through years of eating out, I've grown to LOVE Turkish/Lebanese/Middle Eastern, and I like Chinese/Thai, Indian, and Mexican. Granted I tend to eat the simplest thing off of each of those menus, but I eat enough things to make it work (chicken shawrma (sp?); any kind of chicken/tofu with veggies; paneer tikka masala or a few other Indian vegetarian dishes; chicken or steak fajitas etc.)

It can be done and the reason it isn't working for you is because you are refusing to try stuff and going in with an "ew that looks like $hit" attitude. You have to try stuff on a repeated basis and your tastebuds start to figure it out. As for your aversion to spice, I'm sorry but that's just lack of exposure to anything besides bland chicken. So what if you ate Indian food and had to gulp water -- you eat it a few more times, you'll get used to it and not need water.

For this dinner, I'd decline. I'm sorry but it's embarrassing for a grown adult to go to a dinner and eat plain naan and water while everyone is chowing down on chicken tikka and whatever else. Of course your hostess comments -- it's REALLY obvious that you're not eating and don't like the food. It's not like you're a 4 yr old and your mom can say "oh Joey had a late snack, he must not be hungry." You're a grown woman who should understand that part of etiquette and socializing includes eating things you may not love, so as to take the focus off the food and to be able to socialize; you're not there for a meal, you're there to hang with your friends -- not much hanging out with happen if your friends are constantly saying "oh why aren't you eating, can I get you something else?"

You win! Excellent advice.

[Anonymous]

If she's your friend, doesn't she already know that you're a very picky eater. I mean she's watched you sit there and eat crackers and plain naan -- how much more indication does she need that your family (or maybe just you) are not the ones who will enjoy a Mexican meal?

I'd decline this dinner and then maybe go out with her separately (not for food -- coffee or drinks) and tell her straight up that you love spending time with her and her family, but these are your food issues and they aren't about to change, and you don't feel like you want to be at her house being scrutinized for what you do/don't eat or being "taught" who to eat good food. She'll either accept that and invite you over next time and say "I'm doing chicken and potatoes, is that ok" or she'll be offended and will wonder how you were ever friends, and that'll be the end of dining with her.

[Anonymous]

You cannot go to a dinner party and tell a hostess what to cook for you. So your choices are
a) decline (which I would advocate) or
b) eat beforehand and push the food around your plate.

I am an excellent cook and try different things. I hold parties like this and I can say that a huge part is to have my guests enjoy the novel things I bring out that are amazingly delicious. It is clear you would not share in this joy, so if I knew this I would prefer you would decline. That doesn't mean that I wouldn't want you as a friend, I would just rather have coffee with you or see a movie or even go to a restaurant where you can be catered to instead. I strongly encourage you to decline.

If this is the only situation where your food preferences cause you problems, you are likely fine. But if you are avoiding dinners at your boss' house, family holidays, etc., you should consider that there are ways to work on this problem. But only if you care enough. Honestly, it sounds like you are getting by. But please recognize it is a limitation of yours, like being tone deaf or not at all understanding sports. You cannot expect others to cater to your limitations, you must cater to others likes. I say that as someone who is not into things that some of my friends are (read: baseball or something). I decline invitations to baseballs games.

You are not into fancy food. Decline an invitation to a celebration of it.

[Anonymous]

OP, you sound absolutely exhausting to be around. I'm shocked anyone would even ask you to a dinner party. Do everyone a favor and decline the invitation. No explanation needed, if the hostess is indeed your friend she probably knows about your idiotic diet and will be relieved.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Troll fail.

This. No one cares what anyone drinks. Lol.