One person wants a prenup and the other does not

[Anonymous]

You are in love. He is not. Get out now.

I make twice as much as my husband. If we got divorced, I would fully expect to split things 50/50. There are other contributions a person makes to a marriage besides money.

If you sign and marry him, you'll live to regret it someday.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Oh, I don't know. What if you made most of the money? The era of dependent women is coming to an end, and good riddance. You need to expect to hold your own and if you can't, what makes you think some guy wants to subsidize you?

Well. Does he want her to do more than 50% of the child rearing? If so, does he expect to receive that subsidy for free? I suspect so.

I'd be giving exactly the same advice to a guy whose fiancée made a lot of money and wanted the same arrangement: run.

[Anonymous]

I am not a lawyer, but I do not think there is a middle-ground for this type of situation.

If someone doesn't want a pre-nup, what exactly are the reasons for it?

This may be a red flag.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. No businesses owned. He makes more money than I. Any businesses that he creates in the marriage, he wants. No alimony. If I contribute, say 20 percent towards house bills, then in a divorce, that's what I get towards the house.

What are you planning to contribute to the marriage? This isn't 1950.

[Anonymous]

OP. Please don't sign the pre-up. It grossly underestimates your value to the marriage. Even if you are staying at home with kids, you are contributing to the success of his businesses. You are taking care of duties at home, maintaining the household, nurturing the kids, nurturing your husband, etc. that allow him to focus fully on his work. The type of pre-nup he proposes is absolutely unfair. I would have serious concerns about anyone that believes this type of agreement is just. Please consult a good attorney. You will regret your decision otherwise.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. No businesses owned. He makes more money than I. Any businesses that he creates in the marriage, he wants. No alimony. If I contribute, say 20 percent towards house bills, then in a divorce, that's what I get towards the house.

What are you planning to contribute to the marriage? This isn't 1950.

Does he expect her to do more than 50% of the domestic labor and child-rearing? Something tells me the answer is yes.

[Anonymous]

OP, my sister signed a pre-nup to protect her husband's trust fund assets. She had an attorney look it over and make changes before signing it. The basic prenup of "I will not go after your trust fund" remained, but then her attorney muddied it so much it's practically useless. Many clauses are null and void upon having children, upon assets getting commingled into housing, etc. For instance, they used the money that my sister rolled over from a previous house sale to make the down payment on the house they shared, which they again sold for a profit, then used that money to make the down payment on their current house, and used his trust fund to make significant improvements to the house. So now it's all melted together and it would take a forensic accountant to unravel it all. So you can do a prenup and still protect yourself, with various contingencies like any contribution you make, financial or otherwise, to those businesses or house, etc. make the prenup void.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. No businesses owned. He makes more money than I. Any businesses that he creates in the marriage, he wants. No alimony. If I contribute, say 20 percent towards house bills, then in a divorce, that's what I get towards the house.

What are you planning to contribute to the marriage? This isn't 1950.

Yes. This isn't 1950, when only men's labor was valued.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. No businesses owned. He makes more money than I. Any businesses that he creates in the marriage, he wants. No alimony. If I contribute, say 20 percent towards house bills, then in a divorce, that's what I get towards the house.

What are you planning to contribute to the marriage? This isn't 1950.

OP, I you are married to a person who is starting the business, you will contribute to the success of that business in countless unpaid hours, too many ways to count.

Anyone who owns a business will tell you that the spouse does indeed contribute to the businesses success.

Anyone who tells you otherwise, including your fiancé, is flat out lying.

That part is another red flag and an issue you should not budge on, in the event you actually go through with the prenup.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. No businesses owned. He makes more money than I. Any businesses that he creates in the marriage, he wants. No alimony. If I contribute, say 20 percent towards house bills, then in a divorce, that's what I get towards the house.

What are you planning to contribute to the marriage? This isn't 1950.

OP, I you are married to a person who is starting the business, you will contribute to the success of that business in countless unpaid hours, too many ways to count.

Anyone who owns a business will tell you that the spouse does indeed contribute to the businesses success.

Anyone who tells you otherwise, including your fiancé, is flat out lying.

That part is another red flag and an issue you should not budge on, in the event you actually go through with the prenup.

+1. My DH makes double what I do. It was a mutual decision for me to leave my job and start my own business -- one which would not have been feasible without his support. He has sacrificed in many ways to help me get my business going, no doubt about it.

[Anonymous]

When prenups are too one-sided, courts will often throw them out as being unconscionable. Hard to predict beforehand what would qualify though.

[Anonymous]

I would not marry without a pre-nup. It was a deal-breaker.

But in the event of divorce, the distribution of assets was fair. Don't listen to those who view a pre-nup as a reason not to marry but do make sure that you get treated fairly in the event of divorce.

[Anonymous]

What he's asking in the prenup is actually not legal. He can protect assets/businesses that he's bringing into the marriage but he can not decree that if you make 20% of the total income, you can only take that 20% upon divorce. Or that you can only take what you put into buying a house. Those things get divided 50/50. You should get a separate lawyer to look over the pre-nup and negotiate for you. I suspect that if you do sign it as is and then divorce, a judge will throw it out.

FWIW, I had a friend whose fiance wanted her to sign a pre-nup. They ended up breaking up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would not marry without a pre-nup. It was a deal-breaker.

But in the event of divorce, the distribution of assets was fair. Don't listen to those who view a pre-nup as a reason not to marry but do make sure that you get treated fairly in the event of divorce.

Sure, but the pre-nup he's proposing is ridiculous. I suspect he wrote it up himself. They should both get lawyers.

[Anonymous]

Why marry someone who is already planning for your relationship to fail? I'm Canadian and think Americans are so weird about this, I don't know ANYONE with a prenup and my friends have money.