One person wants a prenup and the other does not

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. No businesses owned. He makes more money than I. Any businesses that he creates in the marriage, he wants. No alimony. If I contribute, say 20 percent towards house bills, then in a divorce, that's what I get towards the house.

What else would you expect? It's not your business.

I don't care about the businesses and actually want no part in them. I was simply answering a previous posters question.

If you don't want any part of them, why won't you sign it?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. No businesses owned. He makes more money than I. Any businesses that he creates in the marriage, he wants. No alimony. If I contribute, say 20 percent towards house bills, then in a divorce, that's what I get towards the house.

Dump his sorry ass

OP here. I can't just walk away from love. I'm assuming there is no compromise though. I understand protecting a family business, but there isn't one. I get it's his own but if I'm still helping financially, and for the up keep up the house, and working, and raising kids, then it should account for something. I'm beyond torn

Don't not agree to this. Visit an attorney. Maybe the compromise can be a pre nup that is not so heavily in his favor.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. No businesses owned. He makes more money than I. Any businesses that he creates in the marriage, he wants. No alimony. If I contribute, say 20 percent towards house bills, then in a divorce, that's what I get towards the house.

Dump his sorry ass

OP here. I can't just walk away from love. I'm assuming there is no compromise though. I understand protecting a family business, but there isn't one. I get it's his own but if I'm still helping financially, and for the up keep up the house, and working, and raising kids, then it should account for something. I'm beyond torn

Yes you can. People do it all the time and for reasons other than disagreeing money but no better or no worse.

[Anonymous]

I meant to say don't agree to this

[Anonymous]

he will run off with his secretary and make her sign another prenup

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, what is his parents' marriage like. I know a few people who insisted on a prenup and did not own their own business. All came from unhappy homes whether it was cheating, volitile divorce, or just a lot of unhappiness. A couple ended up doing away with the prenup when their significant other said no marriage with one, 2 are in bad marriages but there were problems before the marriage (with respect, money, and cheating) and one is very happily
Married with a pre nup.

It's hard to say what you should do without knowing more details. Does he not trust you with money? Does he want to keep all things separate? Is he controlling in other ways?

OP here. His parents were happy, no prenup. My parents ended in divorce. I am not a spender, at all! I'm beyond cheap. He wants separate accounts but agreed upon a separate account and then one joint account. It just doesn't feel like a marriage out of love, to me. This is about business and numbers it seems like.

Pp here. Honestly, I think this is going to be a battle your whole marriage. What if you lose your job? Will you have to pay him back for the time you aren't earning? What about if you stay at home for a bit? Would he support you going back to school to further your career? Etc. have you asked him why he thinks the way he does regarding finances? Finally, before you throw in the towel, I suggest pre marital counseling. I suspect you may be the couple who benefits from going through potential future scenarios and seeing if you are on the same page.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. No businesses owned. He makes more money than I. Any businesses that he creates in the marriage, he wants. No alimony. If I contribute, say 20 percent towards house bills, then in a divorce, that's what I get towards the house.

What else would you expect? It's not your business.

I don't care about the businesses and actually want no part in them. I was simply answering a previous posters question.

If you don't want any part of them, why won't you sign it?

OP here, because the prenup involves more than just the businesses. If just the businesses, I will sign it ASAP

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, what is his parents' marriage like. I know a few people who insisted on a prenup and did not own their own business. All came from unhappy homes whether it was cheating, volitile divorce, or just a lot of unhappiness. A couple ended up doing away with the prenup when their significant other said no marriage with one, 2 are in bad marriages but there were problems before the marriage (with respect, money, and cheating) and one is very happily
Married with a pre nup.

It's hard to say what you should do without knowing more details. Does he not trust you with money? Does he want to keep all things separate? Is he controlling in other ways?

OP here. His parents were happy, no prenup. My parents ended in divorce. I am not a spender, at all! I'm beyond cheap. He wants separate accounts but agreed upon a separate account and then one joint account. It just doesn't feel like a marriage out of love, to me. This is about business and numbers it seems like.

Pp here. Honestly, I think this is going to be a battle your whole marriage. What if you lose your job? Will you have to pay him back for the time you aren't earning? What about if you stay at home for a bit? Would he support you going back to school to further your career? Etc. have you asked him why he thinks the way he does regarding finances? Finally, before you throw in the towel, I suggest pre marital counseling. I suspect you may be the couple who benefits from going through potential future scenarios and seeing if you are on the same page.

OP here. He said he will support me staying home but then the percentage I get from the house, would be reduced because I'm providing. He wants to do this because statics show that helps a healthy divorce and the biggest problem with marriage and divorce, is finances. We will be going to counseling, thanks for the advice

[Anonymous]

Yes, he's right that finances are the biggest problem in marriages. But how he is going about it is causing a problem. The more you post the more I'm torn between thinking he's really misguided and he's a jerk. I stayed home for a bit and if DH ever told me that I wasn't providing as much into the household as him, he'd be looking at crashing on a friends couch for awhile

[Anonymous]

The prenup should say 50-50

[Anonymous]

OP here. He said he will support me staying home but then the percentage I get from the house, would be reduced because I'm providing. He wants to do this because statics show that helps a healthy divorce and the biggest problem with marriage and divorce, is finances. We will be going to counseling, thanks for the advice

Don't go to counseling. Walk.

I am sorry.

He is going into the marriage planning for divorce. His plan also involves screwing you as much as possible.

You don't go into a healthy, viable marriage with an eye on divorce as the most important consideration. You also don't go into a healthy marriage with the intention of screwing over your spouse as much as possible for the future divorce that you are planning for.

There are other men and you will fall in love with someone else.

Do you want your daughter to grow up with this as a model for how her future relationships and future marriage should be?

Would you want your son to approach the covenant of marriage and his future wife the way this man is approaching a marriage with you?

[Anonymous]

It would be one thing if he had some family business and wanted to make sure you couldn't force a sale, but was still willing to provide ample resources to you if divorced. Or if he had kids from previous marriage he wanted to protect. But his ideas are just wack. Has he actually given you a written pre nup yet, or are these just his off the wall ideas?

[Anonymous]

No, no, no. Everything he is saying is wrong. He's saying that if you contribute 20% towards the household! you get 20% of the house??? That is not how marriage works. You will never get paid for staying home and raising the children. So are you supposed to get nothing?

Lady, this is not love.

How old are you? How long have you known him?

[Anonymous]

Even if you were to agree to a prenup, it would have to be fair and equitable. That means you GET something for GIVING UP something. (Which is called consideration in legal terms) Does he understand that? What he is proposing is basically a no-consideration prenup, which is illegal on its face.

Do not sign a prenup without an attorney to negotiate it for you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

OP here. He said he will support me staying home but then the percentage I get from the house, would be reduced because I'm providing. He wants to do this because statics show that helps a healthy divorce and the biggest problem with marriage and divorce, is finances. We will be going to counseling, thanks for the advice

Don't go to counseling. Walk.

I am sorry.

He is going into the marriage planning for divorce. His plan also involves screwing you as much as possible.

You don't go into a healthy, viable marriage with an eye on divorce as the most important consideration. You also don't go into a healthy marriage with the intention of screwing over your spouse as much as possible for the future divorce that you are planning for.

There are other men and you will fall in love with someone else.

Do you want your daughter to grow up with this as a model for how her future relationships and future marriage should be?

Would you want your son to approach the covenant of marriage and his future wife the way this man is approaching a marriage with you?

+1. This is a horribly one-sided prenup - they aren't usually this harsh and punitive. He doesn't sound like a good guy, OP.