Do you ever find yourself having a "smug married" moment?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Nah, you are fine being smug.

People who post pictures of their dog are pretty pathetic. Ranks right up there with people who post pictures of their meals. People, no one but you cares about this shit. Your dog and your brunch don't have a loving grandmother or cousins who want to keep up with them (why photos of kids aren't pathetic, even though most fb friends probably don't care about those, either).

I have a married but childless friend who's in her 40s and posts so many photos of her dog, it's clear it's some weird need to be loved publicly or something. And then she loves to post about how her dog is just like a baby. LOL sure thing crazy insecure lady!

Realize that many people think this about your kid and pictures of your home, vacation, DH, etc.

LOL I don't post pictures on fb, because I'm not an insecure famewhore. So no, don't think anyone thinks that about me, dear!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Nah, you are fine being smug.

People who post pictures of their dog are pretty pathetic. Ranks right up there with people who post pictures of their meals. People, no one but you cares about this shit. Your dog and your brunch don't have a loving grandmother or cousins who want to keep up with them (why photos of kids aren't pathetic, even though most fb friends probably don't care about those, either).

I have a married but childless friend who's in her 40s and posts so many photos of her dog, it's clear it's some weird need to be loved publicly or something. And then she loves to post about how her dog is just like a baby. LOL sure thing crazy insecure lady!

You are not her friend. She deserves to know this.

[Anonymous]

I actively try to avoid being a "smug married" around my single friends. I feel pretty lucky to have met my husband and that he is a really good guy and we are happy together. However, I get together with one other married friend for drinks and we've toasted to "thank god I am not out there trying to date at this age." I would never say that to a single friend. I figure it could just as easily be me single, mid 40s trying to date. I'm actually surprised I got married. When I was younger, I never imagined getting married. Getting married was never in the plan for how I imagined my life would be.

[Anonymous]

I do, but it's normally late at night in bed, so there aren't any single people around to know.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I actively try to avoid being a "smug married" around my single friends. I feel pretty lucky to have met my husband and that he is a really good guy and we are happy together. However, I get together with one other married friend for drinks and we've toasted to "thank god I am not out there trying to date at this age." I would never say that to a single friend. I figure it could just as easily be me single, mid 40s trying to date.

This is me. I am so grateful to be married to a terrific guy. When I'm with my single friend we do not talk about marriage, though we talk about Dh and the kids. I feel bad for her because I know she's tired of the single life and thinks her prospects are slim because she's older.

I'm really glad I'm not dating at this point.

[Anonymous]

I have always thought of being a "smug married" differently - when I realize my marriage is SO MUCH BETTER than someone elses. DH and I were on the train once when it stopped suddenly. An older woman said something like "I wonder why we've stopped - maybe there's something on the tracks..." and her husband snapped, "Are you a fucking conductor? Are you a train conductor, Marge? I didn't think so." I wanted to slip her my phone number and help her escape her abusive husband, and was just so, SO relieved I'm not in a relationship where my husband speaks to me that way.

I also have what I think of as "Smug Mama" moments. When DD2 and I are out and see some kid behaving completely inappropriately, and I quietly whisper a thank you to DD for keeping her shit together.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:(ie from Bridget Jones)

I admit I have this type of moment on occasion. Two in particular: a few friends who are not married and/or do not have children but are in their 30s post tons of pictures on facebook of their dog. This seems kind of sad to me. The other type of person I feel smug about is 35ish year olds who are still out bar hopping on the weekends. I just feel like their life is a little pointless, without deeper meaning that marriage and kids bring.

Yes I know these feelings are really obnoxious on my part. Would never admit in real life to feeling this smugness!

Honestly, you sound a bit like a jerk. Maybe count your blessings and don't find validation in other people's pain.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have a friend who has always tried to one up me on EVERYTHING. I'm married with two kids and I've been with the same man for almost 20 years; married for half that. When I first met my husband and she realized how serious we were getting she met someone and got married very quickly in the Caribbean. He was kind of creepy but I never said anything; 22 months later she was divorced.

I got married about 3 years after she divorced and had a great weeding. She was a bridesmaid and was very engaged. She was dating her second husband when I got married and they married 3 years after I got married. I was not invited to be in her wedding but I attended and was very excited for her. Her wedding was almost an exact replica of mine and she tried to outdo me than also.

Fast forward 10 years and she's separating. This DH isn't a creep he's just someone who wasn't right for her.

I don't feel the "smug married" thing but I do feel something. I'm not jumping for joy that she is divorcing DH #2 but maybe I feel a little [insert word] because everything was always such a competition on her part. She's a great friend and I love her dearly but I've always been bothered by the underlying "outdoing" stuff.

Do you honestly believe that she got married the first time just b/c you were getting married? I can understand thinking that someone copied your wedding in a competitive type way, but that they married just because you did.... well, that's different.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a friend who has always tried to one up me on EVERYTHING. I'm married with two kids and I've been with the same man for almost 20 years; married for half that. When I first met my husband and she realized how serious we were getting she met someone and got married very quickly in the Caribbean. He was kind of creepy but I never said anything; 22 months later she was divorced.

I got married about 3 years after she divorced and had a great weeding. She was a bridesmaid and was very engaged. She was dating her second husband when I got married and they married 3 years after I got married. I was not invited to be in her wedding but I attended and was very excited for her. Her wedding was almost an exact replica of mine and she tried to outdo me than also.

Fast forward 10 years and she's separating. This DH isn't a creep he's just someone who wasn't right for her.

I don't feel the "smug married" thing but I do feel something. I'm not jumping for joy that she is divorcing DH #2 but maybe I feel a little [insert word] because everything was always such a competition on her part. She's a great friend and I love her dearly but I've always been bothered by the underlying "outdoing" stuff.

Do you honestly believe that she got married the first time just b/c you were getting married? I can understand thinking that someone copied your wedding in a competitive type way, but that they married just because you did.... well, that's different.

NP here. And newsflash: every wedding is an exact replica of the last.

[Anonymous]

I had a co-worker who was very smug about her marriage. I found out years later that the marriage ended after 2.5 years with allegations of physical abuse. I never felt bad though, I overheard one of her conversations with her new husband and I thought that I was very lucky to be single and have intact self-esteem.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The barhoppers in their mid 30s make me really sad, because the ones I know REALLY want to find someone.

I think pics of dogs suck no matter who posts them.

NO, NO! Take it back. Before I had a dog I used to find dog-owners crazy, but after we brought our cuddly pup home - OMG - he is the cutest dog ever!

My dog is very smart - almost human. I agree that other people's dogs don't look that good - but you cannot say the same about my dog!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, you probably feel very lucky to be married. The only smug married people that I know are homely and feel like they hit the jackpot because someone chose them. BTW, I'm married w/kids.

Ouch, but OP was asking for that.

[Anonymous]

Be careful with that. I used to feel that way at times. Then I got cheated on and divorced. Not so smug anymore. All those "sad" folks are getting married. I'm on Facebook posting pics of my kids and answering private messages of why my spouse isn't in any of my pics anymore.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Be careful with that. I used to feel that way at times. Then I got cheated on and divorced. Not so smug anymore. All those "sad" folks are getting married. I'm on Facebook posting pics of my kids and answering private messages of why my spouse isn't in any of my pics anymore.

yeah - sorry, PP

But you speak the truth!

much luck!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have a friend who has always tried to one up me on EVERYTHING. I'm married with two kids and I've been with the same man for almost 20 years; married for half that. When I first met my husband and she realized how serious we were getting she met someone and got married very quickly in the Caribbean. He was kind of creepy but I never said anything; 22 months later she was divorced.

I got married about 3 years after she divorced and had a great weeding. She was a bridesmaid and was very engaged. She was dating her second husband when I got married and they married 3 years after I got married. I was not invited to be in her wedding but I attended and was very excited for her. Her wedding was almost an exact replica of mine and she tried to outdo me than also.

Fast forward 10 years and she's separating. This DH isn't a creep he's just someone who wasn't right for her.

I don't feel the "smug married" thing but I do feel something. I'm not jumping for joy that she is divorcing DH #2 but maybe I feel a little [insert word] because everything was always such a competition on her part. She's a great friend and I love her dearly but I've always been bothered by the underlying "outdoing" stuff.

Completely off topic, but I have a friend like that. We've been friends since college, and she has really been there for me over the years, but I could always feel her jealousy and insecurity toward me, and like she secretly relished any misfortune of mine. She is still single and childless, and while I of course want to see her happy, I feel "smug" in that I know exactly why she hasn't found it.