Do you ever find yourself having a "smug married" moment?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:(ie from Bridget Jones)

I admit I have this type of moment on occasion. Two in particular: a few friends who are not married and/or do not have children but are in their 30s post tons of pictures on facebook of their dog. This seems kind of sad to me. The other type of person I feel smug about is 35ish year olds who are still out bar hopping on the weekends. I just feel like their life is a little pointless, without deeper meaning that marriage and kids bring.

Yes I know these feelings are really obnoxious on my part. Would never admit in real life to feeling this smugness!

hahahahaha!
+10000000000000000000000000

[Anonymous]

No. I have no single friends and anyway, am not that happily married.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You should make your life fun the majority of the weekends! Stop standing in your own way.

Wow, really? How do you do that, and get family time in, exercise, run the kids to activities, do errands and chores?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You should make your life fun the majority of the weekends! Stop standing in your own way.

Wow, really? How do you do that, and get family time in, exercise, run the kids to activities, do errands and chores?

I fit it in. Peapod is my friend, and I seriously limit weekend kids activities. We go away at least two weekends a month, often camping to save money. Fun is the biggest priority for us, as it makes everyone happy. Most of my exercise is dealt with with my walking, biking, or running commute, but I still fit in a couple yoga classes every week, not set ones though and sometimes not at home. I work full time and am extremely active in my community, but I try to incorporate fun in everything possible. But mostly I pay a great deal of attention to minimizing time kills, so we have a small condo and a walkable commute.

For example, an in town weekend will generally include Friday night family happy hour where we all socialize. My husband I I will alternate exercising in the mornings and downtime in which some chores, educational supplementation, or community emails are taken care of. At least one afternoon is usually a museum and the playground and we usually have dinner guests one night and neighborhood hop the other. Weeknights are typically lower key, with us alternating community meetings and one on one kid time, and the later evening is either a bit if TV or socializing with neighbors. We both from scratch but we are efficient and often cook with neighbors too. We get a lot of planning and together time on trips.

My single friends do not work nearly as hard to fit it in, they just do it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"The other type of person I feel smug about is 35ish year olds who are still out bar hopping on the weekends. I just feel like their life is a little pointless, without deeper meaning that marriage and kids bring. "

Deeper meaning - LOL!

+1,000,000

I was one of those 35 year olds (am now a smug married 41 year old myself) and can tell you: I was not envious of the people posting pictures of their kids and houses. I was glad to be enjoying myself still.

I'm not OP and I also think she sounds a little ridiculous, but I can tell you that the vast majority of my still-single 35 year old friends ARE envious of kids and homes unless they truly don't want that life (which is fine, but then they won't end up 41 year old smug marrieds, either).

I also love how you claim you were 'enjoying yourself still.' I've never enjoyed my life as much as I do with my husband and two little boys. I wouldn't trade any of what I have for my previous single, freewheeling life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am a single mom with one kid. I am not envious of your blowhardy, pontificating husband. I am also not jealous of the fact that you are taking most of the career hits that come with parenting, doing all of the pediatrician's appointments, buying all of the clothes, and doing all of the research on schools, while also arranging visits to his family members and picking up his dry cleaning. I do wonder at your sense of superiority, since many of you are not capable of supporting your kids, so that the difference between you and a welfare mother is the fact that you married well.

I was not smug before I read this post but I am now. My husband does all of those things that you assume are 'womens work'. I make 5k less than he does and we are not house poor. You are definitely bitter.

I don't like pet pics but I get it. I don't feel smug, I feel sad for those friends that desperately want and deserve kids and understand that it was painful to redirect their lives. I spoken with many of them at length about this. I'm envious of the travel pics.

I'm annoyed by the date night pics of married couples. Who the hell cares that you went to Outback Steakhouse last night? You, and only you, that's who.

I am smug about people like this PP who hates the world and thinks every man is evil. The 'I hate my EX' posters are downright embarassing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You should make your life fun the majority of the weekends! Stop standing in your own way.

Wow, really? How do you do that, and get family time in, exercise, run the kids to activities, do errands and chores?

I fit it in. Peapod is my friend, and I seriously limit weekend kids activities. We go away at least two weekends a month, often camping to save money. Fun is the biggest priority for us, as it makes everyone happy. Most of my exercise is dealt with with my walking, biking, or running commute, but I still fit in a couple yoga classes every week, not set ones though and sometimes not at home. I work full time and am extremely active in my community, but I try to incorporate fun in everything possible. But mostly I pay a great deal of attention to minimizing time kills, so we have a small condo and a walkable commute.

For example, an in town weekend will generally include Friday night family happy hour where we all socialize. My husband I I will alternate exercising in the mornings and downtime in which some chores, educational supplementation, or community emails are taken care of. At least one afternoon is usually a museum and the playground and we usually have dinner guests one night and neighborhood hop the other. Weeknights are typically lower key, with us alternating community meetings and one on one kid time, and the later evening is either a bit if TV or socializing with neighbors. We both from scratch but we are efficient and often cook with neighbors too. We get a lot of planning and together time on trips.

My single friends do not work nearly as hard to fit it in, they just do it.

Okay, thanks. My life is just different than yours. We don't go away on the weekends because our kids are older and we want them involved with their activities and friends, plus we attend church every Sunday and like to fit in formal exercise. Thanks.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am a single mom with one kid. I am not envious of your blowhardy, pontificating husband. I am also not jealous of the fact that you are taking most of the career hits that come with parenting, doing all of the pediatrician's appointments, buying all of the clothes, and doing all of the research on schools, while also arranging visits to his family members and picking up his dry cleaning. I do wonder at your sense of superiority, since many of you are not capable of supporting your kids, so that the difference between you and a welfare mother is the fact that you married well.

A smug non-married boasting about not needing a man. Interesting! Well I, for one, don't take your smugness personal because I am in that MAJORITY who hit it out of the park when I chose my DH. I thank(ed) my lucky stars when he orders clothes online, researched and found an excellent daycare, picks up the dry cleaning, does ALL the laundry, decided to come off the road and accept a non-traveling position (for less pay I might add) when DS #2 came so he could be present and engaged while they were young, took off from work for six weeks when DS #2 was born, does 60% of the cooking and serves as our unpaid landscaper/house keeper. Did I mention that he has a giant ____ that still feels amazing after giving birth to two DSs?

I'll see your invisible partner and raise you one imperfect, yet awesome, blowhardy, pontificating PARTNER any day of the week.

Really, you think the majority of women hit it out of the park with their choice of husbands? I have a great husband and a great marriage. Many people do not. What is the divorce rate now?

I think smugness often reflects a lack of thoughtfulness, and by that I mean the ability to think, not kindness.

[Anonymous]

No OP. I think it is really bad karma to gloat or feel smug. The bad karma is bound to come back your way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No OP. I think it is really bad karma to gloat or feel smug. The bad karma is bound to come back your way.

Yes to this. Be humble with what you have and enjoy it, but no need to put down others' choices or realities. I have a good marriage and I like being married, but my marriage isn't perfect. Love being a mother and adore my children, but sure, life is more restricted - money is tighter, less travel, less "me time", less sex. There are trade offs.

Moreover, my single friends aren't all waiting around for the right man or posting pictures of their dogs on FB. They're taking motorcycle trips across the Sahara, climbing mountains in Patagonia, training for Triathlons, opening their own businesses, volunteering huge amounts of time to really worthy causes - their lives are full and happy. Single doesn't equate to empty.

[Anonymous]

Thank you, PP! You put it very nicely and you sound like you have it got it all going on! The OP sounds like a bitter lady who is trying to convince herself that she is happy SIMPLY because she is MARRIED! HA! A JOKE!

Yep, I am single. And happily so far for now. Am I looking for a husband? Of course! Will I acquire 12 cats if I don't find one? NO.

Am I envious of all of you posting about your private high school tuition expenses and how to save for college expenses? HELL NO.

Am I looking at all of these "Millennial's" and thinking "THANK GOD I DID NOT HAVE ONE!?" Of course I am!

At the grocery store today - couple, both on cell phones (clearly married) could not control their THREE unruly children who were running amok all over the store, screaming, etc. Do you think the parents were SMUG? Of course. Do I want to be them? NOT IN A MILLION FRICKEN YEARS!

The bottom line is that NO ONE deserves to be SMUG EVER! As someone, somewhere on this very lengthy thread said, "your husband could be hit by a bus tomorrow."

BE GRATEFUL you silly woman!!! And check your husband! P.S. Try to be KIND if you know how and if your parents taught you how to be!

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