Do you ever find yourself having a "smug married" moment?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am a single mom with one kid. I am not envious of your blowhardy, pontificating husband. I am also not jealous of the fact that you are taking most of the career hits that come with parenting, doing all of the pediatrician's appointments, buying all of the clothes, and doing all of the research on schools, while also arranging visits to his family members and picking up his dry cleaning. I do wonder at your sense of superiority, since many of you are not capable of supporting your kids, so that the difference between you and a welfare mother is the fact that you married well.

A smug non-married boasting about not needing a man. Interesting! Well I, for one, don't take your smugness personal because I am in that MAJORITY who hit it out of the park when I chose my DH. I thank(ed) my lucky stars when he orders clothes online, researched and found an excellent daycare, picks up the dry cleaning, does ALL the laundry, decided to come off the road and accept a non-traveling position (for less pay I might add) when DS #2 came so he could be present and engaged while they were young, took off from work for six weeks when DS #2 was born, does 60% of the cooking and serves as our unpaid landscaper/house keeper. Did I mention that he has a giant ____ that still feels amazing after giving birth to two DSs?

I'll see your invisible partner and raise you one imperfect, yet awesome, blowhardy, pontificating PARTNER any day of the week.

You're trying too hard to convince strangers that you are blissfully happy. Why is that?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Love my children, love my husband, but actually, lately I'm a bit envious of my single friends who are living their dreams, traveling to cool places, training for marathons, taking weekend trips at a moment's notice, etc. I say that as I am still recovering from an overly busy, child-centric weekend that involved Little League, dance recital, swim lessons, birthday party, etc...

Your single friends with jobs aren't doing most of these things. How much time do you think we get off from work every year? As a single person, I work, try to stay professionally relevant by taking courses once in a while, maintaining my condo w/o help (how am I going to get that couch from one side of the room to another), trying to eat healthy, etc. Single people don't spend every weekend having "girls nights".

NP here. Most of mine are. Then again I bet I lead a much more active life than you even with a kid. Why do you spend so much time doing boring crap that you don't find time for the fun? There isn't one thing that you listed that should prevent a weekend away at least a couple times a month. I bet you don't exercise, which is why you think that thinking about eating healthy precludes training for a marathon. And, you get the couch from one side of the room to the other not by staring at it but by inviting a bunch of friends over for a drink and then asking for a hand.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am a single mom with one kid. I am not envious of your blowhardy, pontificating husband. I am also not jealous of the fact that you are taking most of the career hits that come with parenting, doing all of the pediatrician's appointments, buying all of the clothes, and doing all of the research on schools, while also arranging visits to his family members and picking up his dry cleaning. I do wonder at your sense of superiority, since many of you are not capable of supporting your kids, so that the difference between you and a welfare mother is the fact that you married well.

A smug non-married boasting about not needing a man. Interesting! Well I, for one, don't take your smugness personal because I am in that MAJORITY who hit it out of the park when I chose my DH. I thank(ed) my lucky stars when he orders clothes online, researched and found an excellent daycare, picks up the dry cleaning, does ALL the laundry, decided to come off the road and accept a non-traveling position (for less pay I might add) when DS #2 came so he could be present and engaged while they were young, took off from work for six weeks when DS #2 was born, does 60% of the cooking and serves as our unpaid landscaper/house keeper. Did I mention that he has a giant ____ that still feels amazing after giving birth to two DSs?

I'll see your invisible partner and raise you one imperfect, yet awesome, blowhardy, pontificating PARTNER any day of the week.

You do realize that tomorrow he could get hit by a bus, stricken with terminal cancer, or cheat on and divorce you?

I do. But that wouldn't make any of what I wrote untrue.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Love my children, love my husband, but actually, lately I'm a bit envious of my single friends who are living their dreams, traveling to cool places, training for marathons, taking weekend trips at a moment's notice, etc. I say that as I am still recovering from an overly busy, child-centric weekend that involved Little League, dance recital, swim lessons, birthday party, etc...

Your single friends with jobs aren't doing most of these things. How much time do you think we get off from work every year? As a single person, I work, try to stay professionally relevant by taking courses once in a while, maintaining my condo w/o help (how am I going to get that couch from one side of the room to another), trying to eat healthy, etc. Single people don't spend every weekend having "girls nights".

NP here. Most of mine are. Then again I bet I lead a much more active life than you even with a kid. Why do you spend so much time doing boring crap that you don't find time for the fun? There isn't one thing that you listed that should prevent a weekend away at least a couple times a month. I bet you don't exercise, which is why you think that thinking about eating healthy precludes training for a marathon. And, you get the couch from one side of the room to the other not by staring at it but by inviting a bunch of friends over for a drink and then asking for a hand.

I don't know, why don't YOU spend time doing fun stuff? Yes you have responsibilities, and so do I. I didn't say that life was never fun, but it's not fun all the time, especially not for the majority of weekends out of the month.

[Anonymous]

You should make your life fun the majority of the weekends! Stop standing in your own way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Hmmm . . . Ms. Smugvillie! I bet my dog loves ME more than your kids love YOU. And I bet my dog is better looking than your kids are. What a WITCH you are. No wonder this forum gets such bad reviews - it's people like you that get this forum such bad press. I feel sorry for you and your kids. Show us a picture of how beautiful you and your family are.

Quite frankly, I am happy to be in my 30's and not have a husband and kids. I don't want the fiscal obligation of either and with the crap I see of how all of you entitled DCUM'S are, I will live with my 500k+ salary with my lovely dog and post all the pics I want. PS. Your kids ARE NOT CUTE!!!

Oh, goodness. I can just stop reading right here. You are definitely a person your friends feel sorry for. $500 K or not. (Also, should I be impressed by that? We make significantly more than that as a couple. I didn't feel the need to post our dual income, however.)

[Anonymous]

I suppose I do find myself thinking about my friends or relatives who are still single who are around my age or a bit younger or older (late 30s to early 40s) and think I know better about what they should be doing / should have been doing if they wanted to get married. Some problems I "see:"

1) Living out in the boonies (exurbs) during those crucial "need to meet people" years -- 20s, 30s

2) Never going out -- spending much of their time doing fuddy-duddy, housewifely things: planting flowers, tinkering in their home, baking, etc.

3) Same as #2 above, but hanging out at home with their cats

4) Having a career which has severely limited possibilities for meeting male coworkers, mixing and mingling with colleagues who are male. Sorry, but I put teachers in this mix. I have seen too many females friends and relatives of mine who are teachers who have a really hard time breaking out of the "teacher happy hour, PTA Auction Night, tutoring" Bermuda Triangle of Socializing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"The other type of person I feel smug about is 35ish year olds who are still out bar hopping on the weekends. I just feel like their life is a little pointless, without deeper meaning that marriage and kids bring. "

Deeper meaning - LOL!

+1,000,000

I was one of those 35 year olds (am now a smug married 41 year old myself) and can tell you: I was not envious of the people posting pictures of their kids and houses. I was glad to be enjoying myself still.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a spouse and kid and still post 500 pictures of my dog on facebook. She makes me happy.

+ a million

this too! my dog is the best.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I suppose I do find myself thinking about my friends or relatives who are still single who are around my age or a bit younger or older (late 30s to early 40s) and think I know better about what they should be doing / should have been doing if they wanted to get married. Some problems I "see:"

1) Living out in the boonies (exurbs) during those crucial "need to meet people" years -- 20s, 30s

2) Never going out -- spending much of their time doing fuddy-duddy, housewifely things: planting flowers, tinkering in their home, baking, etc.

3) Same as #2 above, but hanging out at home with their cats

4) Having a career which has severely limited possibilities for meeting male coworkers, mixing and mingling with colleagues who are male. Sorry, but I put teachers in this mix. I have seen too many females friends and relatives of mine who are teachers who have a really hard time breaking out of the "teacher happy hour, PTA Auction Night, tutoring" Bermuda Triangle of Socializing.

PS One of my single friends (early 40s) spends too much time doing much of the above: hanging out at her house, drinking wine, moving furniture around and redecorating, tinkering in the garden, drinking more wine, playing with her cats, watching movies, talking online with her cat friends, and, did I mention, drinking MORE wine. Then sending FB posts about any or all of the above, some of which are really rambling (b/c of the wine). Also, please note the things that are not there, such as exercise.

I am not sure how she thinks Prince Charming is going to ever hear about her and go knocking on her door to find her, but if anyone's reading this and thinks this sounds appealing, let me know and I am happy to get the two of you together.

[Anonymous]

All this time, I've felt smug reading my friends' complaints about their kids' meltdowns while my dog snoozes peacefully in my lap. I've been doing it wrong!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:All this time, I've felt smug reading my friends' complaints about their kids' meltdowns while my dog snoozes peacefully in my lap. I've been doing it wrong!

You have, b/c then you write smug but inaccurate suggestions in response, and just end up looking a little bit sad and ridiculous.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I suppose I do find myself thinking about my friends or relatives who are still single who are around my age or a bit younger or older (late 30s to early 40s) and think I know better about what they should be doing / should have been doing if they wanted to get married. Some problems I "see:"

1) Living out in the boonies (exurbs) during those crucial "need to meet people" years -- 20s, 30s

2) Never going out -- spending much of their time doing fuddy-duddy, housewifely things: planting flowers, tinkering in their home, baking, etc.

3) Same as #2 above, but hanging out at home with their cats

4) Having a career which has severely limited possibilities for meeting male coworkers, mixing and mingling with colleagues who are male. Sorry, but I put teachers in this mix. I have seen too many females friends and relatives of mine who are teachers who have a really hard time breaking out of the "teacher happy hour, PTA Auction Night, tutoring" Bermuda Triangle of Socializing.

About #2: I LOVE doing fuddy duddy stuff- gardening, baking, decorating my house, you name it. I think my single friends think I am a nut but it makes me happy, much happier than bar hopping or whatever.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I suppose I do find myself thinking about my friends or relatives who are still single who are around my age or a bit younger or older (late 30s to early 40s) and think I know better about what they should be doing / should have been doing if they wanted to get married. Some problems I "see:"

1) Living out in the boonies (exurbs) during those crucial "need to meet people" years -- 20s, 30s

2) Never going out -- spending much of their time doing fuddy-duddy, housewifely things: planting flowers, tinkering in their home, baking, etc.

3) Same as #2 above, but hanging out at home with their cats

4) Having a career which has severely limited possibilities for meeting male coworkers, mixing and mingling with colleagues who are male. Sorry, but I put teachers in this mix. I have seen too many females friends and relatives of mine who are teachers who have a really hard time breaking out of the "teacher happy hour, PTA Auction Night, tutoring" Bermuda Triangle of Socializing.

About #2: I LOVE doing fuddy duddy stuff- gardening, baking, decorating my house, you name it. I think my single friends think I am a nut but it makes me happy, much happier than bar hopping or whatever.

I can be just as much as a fuddy-duddy as anyone, don't get me wrong, but if you want to meet someone to date and/or get married, you have to have a time for fuddy-duddy things and you have to have times where get out there. No one's going to magically intuit that you are in your house, dabbling away, and think, "I must meet her! Show me the way to the wife of my dreams!" You gotta get out of the house for Prince Charming to find you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Love my children, love my husband, but actually, lately I'm a bit envious of my single friends who are living their dreams, traveling to cool places, training for marathons, taking weekend trips at a moment's notice, etc. I say that as I am still recovering from an overly busy, child-centric weekend that involved Little League, dance recital, swim lessons, birthday party, etc...

Your single friends with jobs aren't doing most of these things. How much time do you think we get off from work every year? As a single person, I work, try to stay professionally relevant by taking courses once in a while, maintaining my condo w/o help (how am I going to get that couch from one side of the room to another), trying to eat healthy, etc. Single people don't spend every weekend having "girls nights".

Mine are and that is what I was doing when I was single. If I needed a sofa moved, I moved it myself and even now, if I need a sofa moved and my DH is not around, I'll still do it myself.

And YES, I took weekend trips all the time. As a "professional" person without the expense of kids I had a lot of disposable income, which made all of these things possible. My friends that are still single have seen their incomes rise even more (not having to mommy track) and are living it up. There is a huge single scene here in DC.