Do you ever find yourself having a "smug married" moment?

[Anonymous]

No! My single/childless friends are all doing awesome things i can't do as a mom of a small kid, like investing a ton of time in cool careers, yoga retreats, sailing around the world, building (as in, by hand) houses, quitting a lame job and moving halfway around the world. I know they would all like to settle down and have a kid (they are all late 30s) so it makes me sad they haven't found what they want, but that is a far cry from being smug. I envy them and wish we could all have everything we want!

The only time I feel smuggish is with a younger millennial friend who does a ton of Internet dating repeating all the dumb mistakes I did. And even then I don't feel smug but more like, "My god, what was I thinking?"

[Anonymous]

[Anonymous]

No, I do not feel smug, ever. I have feelings of gratitude for what I have, but know it can all disappear in an instant.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Nah, you are fine being smug.

People who post pictures of their dog are pretty pathetic. Ranks right up there with people who post pictures of their meals. People, no one but you cares about this shit. Your dog and your brunch don't have a loving grandmother or cousins who want to keep up with them (why photos of kids aren't pathetic, even though most fb friends probably don't care about those, either).

I have a married but childless friend who's in her 40s and posts so many photos of her dog, it's clear it's some weird need to be loved publicly or something. And then she loves to post about how her dog is just like a baby. LOL sure thing crazy insecure lady!

Speak for yourself. I find both interesting. I'm married with a child.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:(ie from Bridget Jones)

I admit I have this type of moment on occasion. Two in particular: a few friends who are not married and/or do not have children but are in their 30s post tons of pictures on facebook of their dog. This seems kind of sad to me. The other type of person I feel smug about is 35ish year olds who are still out bar hopping on the weekends. I just feel like their life is a little pointless, without deeper meaning that marriage and kids bring.

Yes I know these feelings are really obnoxious on my part. Would never admit in real life to feeling this smugness!

Arrogance and smugness is often a reflection of limited life experience, and feeling concerned that those with greater life experience "have got something over them". Rather than seeking to find out more through questions and learning (actions viewed by them as showing vulnerability), arrogant people tend to generalize from their limited, narrow life experiences and try to impose their small worldview on others.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Nah, you are fine being smug.

People who post pictures of their dog are pretty pathetic. Ranks right up there with people who post pictures of their meals. People, no one but you cares about this shit. Your dog and your brunch don't have a loving grandmother or cousins who want to keep up with them (why photos of kids aren't pathetic, even though most fb friends probably don't care about those, either).

I have a married but childless friend who's in her 40s and posts so many photos of her dog, it's clear it's some weird need to be loved publicly or something. And then she loves to post about how her dog is just like a baby. LOL sure thing crazy insecure lady!

You sound like an awesome "friend". Many people enjoy looking at pictures of animals, it raises their mood. I would much rather look at an adorable picture of a happy dog playing then I would of a messy drooling kid eating a cupcake. Not to mention, I enjoy seeing all the pictures of animals on my news field while there are only a few people who have kids I care to see.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:(ie from Bridget Jones)

I admit I have this type of moment on occasion. Two in particular: a few friends who are not married and/or do not have children but are in their 30s post tons of pictures on facebook of their dog. This seems kind of sad to me. The other type of person I feel smug about is 35ish year olds who are still out bar hopping on the weekends. I just feel like their life is a little pointless, without deeper meaning that marriage and kids bring.

Yes I know these feelings are really obnoxious on my part. Would never admit in real life to feeling this smugness!

There is this mom from my kid's school who added me and a few other moms on FB. She is very beautiful and fit, even after having 4 kids. She is nice, but honestly, no one really talks to her. She tries, but she just seems really needy and desperate. I'm probably the nicest to her because she just looks so lonely sometimes (she is married and her husband is handsome, they are a really beautiful family.) So sometimes I feel smug because even though she looks the way she looks, she posts 300 pictures of herself every week. She has like 2,000 friends on FB and no one ever comments on her pictures. So I can't imagine even her family likes her too much. So I guess I get a smug feeling from that. Which makes me an ass, so then I try to be nicer to her to feel better LOL

[Anonymous]

sometimes I feel smug, but sometimes I feel super envious. I love my husband and kids, but I do long for those single days sometimes.

But my smug moments definitely stem from insecurity, and I suspect yours do too. Otherwise, you'd be like "oh wow... they are enjoying their lives and their dogs. How nice for them" Instead of feeling like you are better than them!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:(ie from Bridget Jones)

I admit I have this type of moment on occasion. Two in particular: a few friends who are not married and/or do not have children but are in their 30s post tons of pictures on facebook of their dog. This seems kind of sad to me. The other type of person I feel smug about is 35ish year olds who are still out bar hopping on the weekends. I just feel like their life is a little pointless, without deeper meaning that marriage and kids bring.

Yes I know these feelings are really obnoxious on my part. Would never admit in real life to feeling this smugness!

Honestly as someone who got married much later and with little fanfare, I wish you would admit these smug feelings. If anyone of my "friends" felt this way, I would have liked to have known.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:(ie from Bridget Jones)

I admit I have this type of moment on occasion. Two in particular: a few friends who are not married and/or do not have children but are in their 30s post tons of pictures on facebook of their dog. This seems kind of sad to me. The other type of person I feel smug about is 35ish year olds who are still out bar hopping on the weekends. I just feel like their life is a little pointless, without deeper meaning that marriage and kids bring.

Yes I know these feelings are really obnoxious on my part. Would never admit in real life to feeling this smugness!

Wow, that seems kind of sad. I have empathy for my friends who do not have but want kids. I might feel smug towards someone who felt smug towards me when I was single and they were married and...are now divorced.

[Anonymous]

My DH is the suggest married and I always call him out on how obnoxious it is. He admits it. He just really enjoys the married lifestyle and feels badly for people who are not married, but want to be.

BTW I love how everyone on this thread is such a wonderful, centered human being who never has the occasional bitchy thought.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My DH is the suggest married and I always call him out on how obnoxious it is. He admits it. He just really enjoys the married lifestyle and feels badly for people who are not married, but want to be.

BTW I love how everyone on this thread is such a wonderful, centered human being who never has the occasional bitchy thought.

*smuggest not suggest

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Nah, you are fine being smug.

People who post pictures of their dog are pretty pathetic. Ranks right up there with people who post pictures of their meals. People, no one but you cares about this shit. Your dog and your brunch don't have a loving grandmother or cousins who want to keep up with them (why photos of kids aren't pathetic, even though most fb friends probably don't care about those, either).

I have a married but childless friend who's in her 40s and posts so many photos of her dog, it's clear it's some weird need to be loved publicly or something. And then she loves to post about how her dog is just like a baby. LOL sure thing crazy insecure lady!

Realize that many people think this about your kid and pictures of your home, vacation, DH, etc.

[Anonymous]

I have a friend who has always tried to one up me on EVERYTHING. I'm married with two kids and I've been with the same man for almost 20 years; married for half that. When I first met my husband and she realized how serious we were getting she met someone and got married very quickly in the Caribbean. He was kind of creepy but I never said anything; 22 months later she was divorced.

I got married about 3 years after she divorced and had a great weeding. She was a bridesmaid and was very engaged. She was dating her second husband when I got married and they married 3 years after I got married. I was not invited to be in her wedding but I attended and was very excited for her. Her wedding was almost an exact replica of mine and she tried to outdo me than also.

Fast forward 10 years and she's separating. This DH isn't a creep he's just someone who wasn't right for her.

I don't feel the "smug married" thing but I do feel something. I'm not jumping for joy that she is divorcing DH #2 but maybe I feel a little [insert word] because everything was always such a competition on her part. She's a great friend and I love her dearly but I've always been bothered by the underlying "outdoing" stuff.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have a spouse and kid and still post 500 pictures of my dog on facebook. She makes me happy.

Yeah, I have a spouse and 2 kids too and will still post pics of my cat, and enjoy and comment on others' pet pics.
I understand the feeling that a pet is a member of the family.
I might feel sad for friends who haven't found love yet and want to very badly, but hopefully not in a smug way.
I would want someone to smack me if I seemed smug.