How would you feel if your spouse spent thousands on your birthday gift?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'd think there's a $1000s item he has his eye on.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I know where you're coming from OP. Did you happen to grow up poorer than your husband? The reason I ask is I did and it makes me a bit crazy when my DH used to buy me expensive things.

For Christmas, my just graduated college daughter bought me what I thought was a really expensive bath set (the ones you see in beauty salons). I didn't open it because I thought it was too nice. Well, we were just in NYC over the weekend, and I saw that the whole set was only $7.95 even though it looked like $100 set. So, now I can enjoy it.

It might have something to do with subconscious self-worth OP.

Op here. I grew up watching my shopaholic Sah stepmother squander a lot of my fathers money at the mall buying high end products none of us needed (or could really afford, though we all did fine). It was all just very wasteful. There were many many awful fights (and still are!) as a result of this. It ruined many gift giving occasions as they frequently became about what had been spent. None of the spending was on me but rather my half sister and herself. Occasionally my father, but she would buy him things he didn't need or want (cashmere Burberry sweater) with the money that he he worked for but was theirs.

I guess it's all deeper than it appears though I hadn't really thought about it until your post.

Have you told this to your DH in the past?

I agree that you might benefit from therapy. Your husband spoiling you occasionally is an act of love. You associate spending lots of money with being selfish and wasteful, but that is unusual. And frankly, it seems you might not consider yourself worth extravagant gifts.

I get where you are coming from. Really. I am a SAHM. I buy what I consider thoughtful and expensive gifts for my husband. But he buys me outrageously pricey jewelry every Christmas and birthday. It hurts his feelings if my main concern is the price. He thinks that I should wear jewelry that reflects how valued and cherished I am by him. It is not how I was raised, but I have learned to deal with it.

I don't think OP needs therapy, my goodness. I know most who post on here probably don't understand that thousands of dollars on a gift that wasn't wanted or needed is ott but try to have some perspective.

That's not why people are recommending therapy. Did you read the rest of her posts? Associating expensive gifts with her step-mom, who never spent money on her but did on every other member of the family?

[Anonymous]

You associate spending lots of money with being selfish and wasteful, but that is unusual

That is not unusual where I come from.

I think OP needs a conversation with her husband about what is valuable to her. And to him, presumably, so they are both on the same page. It doesn't sound like they have the same priorities right not.

If the conversation is extremely difficult or you get a lot of push back from DH, or don't feel comfortable talking about this with DH, then maybe marriage counseling is in order, or at least some therapy for OP. But I wouldn't immediately jump to that conclusion.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I know where you're coming from OP. Did you happen to grow up poorer than your husband? The reason I ask is I did and it makes me a bit crazy when my DH used to buy me expensive things.

For Christmas, my just graduated college daughter bought me what I thought was a really expensive bath set (the ones you see in beauty salons). I didn't open it because I thought it was too nice. Well, we were just in NYC over the weekend, and I saw that the whole set was only $7.95 even though it looked like $100 set. So, now I can enjoy it.

It might have something to do with subconscious self-worth OP.

Op here. I grew up watching my shopaholic Sah stepmother squander a lot of my fathers money at the mall buying high end products none of us needed (or could really afford, though we all did fine). It was all just very wasteful. There were many many awful fights (and still are!) as a result of this. It ruined many gift giving occasions as they frequently became about what had been spent. None of the spending was on me but rather my half sister and herself. Occasionally my father, but she would buy him things he didn't need or want (cashmere Burberry sweater) with the money that he he worked for but was theirs.

I guess it's all deeper than it appears though I hadn't really thought about it until your post.

Have you told this to your DH in the past?

I agree that you might benefit from therapy. Your husband spoiling you occasionally is an act of love. You associate spending lots of money with being selfish and wasteful, but that is unusual. And frankly, it seems you might not consider yourself worth extravagant gifts.

I get where you are coming from. Really. I am a SAHM. I buy what I consider thoughtful and expensive gifts for my husband. But he buys me outrageously pricey jewelry every Christmas and birthday. It hurts his feelings if my main concern is the price. He thinks that I should wear jewelry that reflects how valued and cherished I am by him. It is not how I was raised, but I have learned to deal with it.

I don't think OP needs therapy, my goodness. I know most who post on here probably don't understand that thousands of dollars on a gift that wasn't wanted or needed is ott but try to have some perspective.

That's not why people are recommending therapy. Did you read the rest of her posts? Associating expensive gifts with her step-mom, who never spent money on her but did on every other member of the family?

Yes I did. I still don't think OP needs therapy over this specific issue. I feel exactly the same way and didn't have a wasteful parent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I know where you're coming from OP. Did you happen to grow up poorer than your husband? The reason I ask is I did and it makes me a bit crazy when my DH used to buy me expensive things.

For Christmas, my just graduated college daughter bought me what I thought was a really expensive bath set (the ones you see in beauty salons). I didn't open it because I thought it was too nice. Well, we were just in NYC over the weekend, and I saw that the whole set was only $7.95 even though it looked like $100 set. So, now I can enjoy it.

It might have something to do with subconscious self-worth OP.

Op here. I grew up watching my shopaholic Sah stepmother squander a lot of my fathers money at the mall buying high end products none of us needed (or could really afford, though we all did fine). It was all just very wasteful. There were many many awful fights (and still are!) as a result of this. It ruined many gift giving occasions as they frequently became about what had been spent. None of the spending was on me but rather my half sister and herself. Occasionally my father, but she would buy him things he didn't need or want (cashmere Burberry sweater) with the money that he he worked for but was theirs.

I guess it's all deeper than it appears though I hadn't really thought about it until your post.

Have you told this to your DH in the past?

I agree that you might benefit from therapy. Your husband spoiling you occasionally is an act of love. You associate spending lots of money with being selfish and wasteful, but that is unusual. And frankly, it seems you might not consider yourself worth extravagant gifts.

I get where you are coming from. Really. I am a SAHM. I buy what I consider thoughtful and expensive gifts for my husband. But he buys me outrageously pricey jewelry every Christmas and birthday. It hurts his feelings if my main concern is the price. He thinks that I should wear jewelry that reflects how valued and cherished I am by him. It is not how I was raised, but I have learned to deal with it.

I don't think OP needs therapy, my goodness. I know most who post on here probably don't understand that thousands of dollars on a gift that wasn't wanted or needed is ott but try to have some perspective.

That's not why people are recommending therapy. Did you read the rest of her posts? Associating expensive gifts with her step-mom, who never spent money on her but did on every other member of the family?

I agree that the stepmother has given me issues with money, however not all of those issues are bad. I find that a determination to not be materialistic and save are good things. Also living within your means. It gets tricky when it comes to these types of situation.

[Anonymous]

While a lot of money, $3000 is not enough to make a stink about and possibly spoil the whole experience for your DH. If he doesn't do this often (and your post suggests that this is the first time he's been this extravagant), you need to let it go.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:While a lot of money, $3000 is not enough to make a stink about and possibly spoil the whole experience for your DH. If he doesn't do this often (and your post suggests that this is the first time he's been this extravagant), you need to let it go.

Then he'll think it's fine to do it again and who are you to dictate that 3k isn't 'enough to make a stink about?'

[Anonymous]

Again, $3k is a lot of money to some people. And it's not really the amount, it's more the, "what about that present was something you thought I really wanted?" conversation.

[Anonymous]

My DH does this every few years including this last Christmas. He waits until the last minute, then goes to the closest, most convenient store (often some random jewelry store downtown) then asks the salesclerk for a recommendation. He puts almost no thought into the purchase, then I'm stuck with some random piece of jewelry I don't really want when he could have bought something I actually did want for considerably less. Lesson learned- make a list of items you'd like. Ask him to stick to the list. Win-win!

[Anonymous]

My DH did this one year--it was out of character and we were in the same financial place as you. I was bowled over but it was a beautiful piece. Three weeks after he gave it to me our house was robbed and they took all my jewelry. Get it insured if you keep it.

[Anonymous]

live a little saving is over rated

[Anonymous]

jeweler y has value at least it's not a car

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I know where you're coming from OP. Did you happen to grow up poorer than your husband? The reason I ask is I did and it makes me a bit crazy when my DH used to buy me expensive things.

For Christmas, my just graduated college daughter bought me what I thought was a really expensive bath set (the ones you see in beauty salons). I didn't open it because I thought it was too nice. Well, we were just in NYC over the weekend, and I saw that the whole set was only $7.95 even though it looked like $100 set. So, now I can enjoy it.

It might have something to do with subconscious self-worth OP.

Op here. I grew up watching my shopaholic Sah stepmother squander a lot of my fathers money at the mall buying high end products none of us needed (or could really afford, though we all did fine). It was all just very wasteful. There were many many awful fights (and still are!) as a result of this. It ruined many gift giving occasions as they frequently became about what had been spent. None of the spending was on me but rather my half sister and herself. Occasionally my father, but she would buy him things he didn't need or want (cashmere Burberry sweater) with the money that he he worked for but was theirs.

I guess it's all deeper than it appears though I hadn't really thought about it until your post.

Have you told this to your DH in the past?

I agree that you might benefit from therapy. Your husband spoiling you occasionally is an act of love. You associate spending lots of money with being selfish and wasteful, but that is unusual. And frankly, it seems you might not consider yourself worth extravagant gifts.

I get where you are coming from. Really. I am a SAHM. I buy what I consider thoughtful and expensive gifts for my husband. But he buys me outrageously pricey jewelry every Christmas and birthday. It hurts his feelings if my main concern is the price. He thinks that I should wear jewelry that reflects how valued and cherished I am by him. It is not how I was raised, but I have learned to deal with it.

I don't think OP needs therapy, my goodness. I know most who post on here probably don't understand that thousands of dollars on a gift that wasn't wanted or needed is ott but try to have some perspective.

That's not why people are recommending therapy. Did you read the rest of her posts? Associating expensive gifts with her step-mom, who never spent money on her but did on every other member of the family?

Yes I did. I still don't think OP needs therapy over this specific issue. I feel exactly the same way and didn't have a wasteful parent.

Well, but why do you think the advice about therapy to clear up the issue about her stepmom not treating her as well as the rest of the family applies to you? Are you saying that that is the same reason that you are thrifty? Because I, too, prefer to be thrifty - but not because a parent or step-parent screwed me up in some way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes another 1st world problem.

DH spent several thousand on a birthday gift for me. While the gift is lovely, there are many things much cheaper that I would have liked just as much (or more) frankly. We've been working hard to increase retirement savings, savings for a trip to that we want to take, and savings for our (eventual) "upgrade" house that would accommodate our growing family.

I can't help but feel frustrated (and admittedly) angry that he did this. Mostly because the jewelry cannot be simply taken back (ie local return), but we must spend several hundred in restocking fees and insured shipping to send it back. So at the end of the day, I feel guilty for keeping the gift as it keeps our family from achieving our mutually decided upon financial goals. I feel angry that sending it back involves several errands/chores for me (3 to be exact). And I feel overwhelmingly frustrated that he didn't ask me but made a unilateral decision to spend a lot of the family's money on this. If he had just asked me, we could have found something MUCH less expensive that would have been just as nice. I get that birthday presents are supposed to be a surprise, but this seems like a ridiculous price to pay for the surprise factor.

FWIW, DH out earns me significantly. We live comfortably with zero debt and it's not like he charged it to a credit card. However we have a ways to go to be able to provide the lifestyle we want for our children and ourselves. We have always prioritized saving first, buying on sale/used, making big purchases ($200+) a family decision, etc. So this was very out of character, but I know his heart was in a good place.

I didn't read through the whole thread.
I don't know how many thousand "several" is. Or how it impacts your budget.
But clearly you/he can afford it due to bolded above: He outlearns, you have 0 debt, live in comfort, and it wasn't charged. You save first and make joint decisions. All super duper.

So to your question - how would you feel?
I would feel thankful. There are many who have worse concerns.
There is a wise motto started by called YOLO. You only live once. Stop living in fear. You could die tomorrow then where would your goals go.
Not saying be irresponsible but you're on the right track in your household goals and this doesn't seem to prevent it, just maybe delay it a bit. So what?
Accept the gift, pass it to your children one day, and show the man some love.
You may want him to do things like the once you reach those goals you have.
Don't mess it up for yourself.

[Anonymous]

PP again. One more thing.

Consider apologizing to him for your initial reaction.
Then move on.
These overreactions are the things wives do that make a man 2nd guess himself in his role and position as husband.

Chillax.

Smooches