How would you feel if your spouse spent thousands on your birthday gift?

[Anonymous]

Yes another 1st world problem.

DH spent several thousand on a birthday gift for me. While the gift is lovely, there are many things much cheaper that I would have liked just as much (or more) frankly. We've been working hard to increase retirement savings, savings for a trip to that we want to take, and savings for our (eventual) "upgrade" house that would accommodate our growing family.

I can't help but feel frustrated (and admittedly) angry that he did this. Mostly because the jewelry cannot be simply taken back (ie local return), but we must spend several hundred in restocking fees and insured shipping to send it back. So at the end of the day, I feel guilty for keeping the gift as it keeps our family from achieving our mutually decided upon financial goals. I feel angry that sending it back involves several errands/chores for me (3 to be exact). And I feel overwhelmingly frustrated that he didn't ask me but made a unilateral decision to spend a lot of the family's money on this. If he had just asked me, we could have found something MUCH less expensive that would have been just as nice. I get that birthday presents are supposed to be a surprise, but this seems like a ridiculous price to pay for the surprise factor.

FWIW, DH out earns me significantly. We live comfortably with zero debt and it's not like he charged it to a credit card. However we have a ways to go to be able to provide the lifestyle we want for our children and ourselves. We have always prioritized saving first, buying on sale/used, making big purchases ($200+) a family decision, etc. So this was very out of character, but I know his heart was in a good place.

[Anonymous]

Maybe you and him actually aren't 100% on the same page about what lifestyle you want or the list of priorities. Maybe those are your priorities that he has gone along with. It sounds like there are things that he prioritizes over larger bank accounts.

[Anonymous]

I would let it go. While saving is nice, I'm not a fan of putting off the "now" for later.

Bitching him out over a thoughtful gift would be a really ungrateful move.

[Anonymous]

I'd think there's a $1000s item he has his eye on.

[Anonymous]

Are your finances separate or joint?

[Anonymous]

Keep it and be grateful for what you have before you lose it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Are your finances separate or joint?

Joint

[Anonymous]

Is he having an affair?

[Anonymous]

Honestly, OP, if you have no debt and could afford it I would have just kept it. It doesn't sound like your DH has a major spending problem or that this is a typical thing.

[Anonymous]

Will this purchase impede your ability to save for the trip? Will it delay significantly the purchase of a new house?

I would be upset if DH dipped into our savings to buy me expensive jewelry, or if the jewelry purchase came at the expense of us doing something else. It sounds like you would rather him spend less and put the money he didn't spend on jewelry into retirement savings, while he wanted to get a lavish present for the wife he loves.

I would feel loved and grateful to have a thoughtful spouse, as well as blessed that my family could absorb an extravagant cost like this without going into the poor house.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Will this purchase impede your ability to save for the trip? Will it delay significantly the purchase of a new house?

I would be upset if DH dipped into our savings to buy me expensive jewelry, or if the jewelry purchase came at the expense of us doing something else. It sounds like you would rather him spend less and put the money he didn't spend on jewelry into retirement savings, while he wanted to get a lavish present for the wife he loves.

I would feel loved and grateful to have a thoughtful spouse, as well as blessed that my family could absorb an extravagant cost like this without going into the poor house.

It will take longer to get where we are going but won't make it impossible. I just feel like a big purchase of any kind should be a mutual decision and the control freak in me feels frustrated that I was usurped.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Will this purchase impede your ability to save for the trip? Will it delay significantly the purchase of a new house?

I would be upset if DH dipped into our savings to buy me expensive jewelry, or if the jewelry purchase came at the expense of us doing something else. It sounds like you would rather him spend less and put the money he didn't spend on jewelry into retirement savings, while he wanted to get a lavish present for the wife he loves.

I would feel loved and grateful to have a thoughtful spouse, as well as blessed that my family could absorb an extravagant cost like this without going into the poor house.

It will take longer to get where we are going but won't make it impossible. I just feel like a big purchase of any kind should be a mutual decision and the control freak in me feels frustrated that I was usurped.

Is it pretty? If it's hideous, tacky and tasteless, then I would have trouble showing/feeling gratitude. But if it's beautiful, unexpected, and outside of your control, then it sounds like a very nice birthday present.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are your finances separate or joint?

Joint

Then I feel he definitely should have discussed it with you first.

[Anonymous]

I feel bad for your husband...

[Anonymous]

I agree with you, OP. However, let me offer this up. I put the kibosh on flowers or really any frivolous gifts during the early years of our marriage, when we really needed to save up and invest. Now that it's a few years later, he still doesn't spend much money and I never get flowers. He learned that lesson too well I'd say enjoy it, but discuss with him your desire make mutual decisions about spending any money over x amount. For us, it's $300.