Perspecitive from the mother of a very popular teenage boy or girl.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Popular kids are definitely doing drugs, drinking, and having sex. I would prefer mine to be "average" or "unpopular". They really have a lot to manage when they get into stuff they are not ready for. Just adds to an already stressful time in life. I wouldn't want to revisit my adolescence for anything, or have to deal with being the parent of a popular kid. You are lucky, OP!

I deeply resent this comment. What an ignorant blanket statement! My D is a 16 year old honor student, straight A's, captain of two teams, as hard working as they come and very popular. She DOES NOT do drugs, believes in waiting until marriage to have sex rarely drinks. She does not do the party scene on a regular basis because she practices her sport early mornings on Sat. and Sunday ( a blessing in disguise). I really think you need to retract that statement, you might want to say "in your opinion, many popular kids,etc....." but to lump them all together and make it sound so matter of fact is crazy talk!

No, she's a jock. There's a difference between jocks and the popular kids.

My D is not a jock. She plays field hockey and runs track. She is athletic but very feminine. She I repeat is NOT a jock, IS very popular, possibly the most popular girl in her HS and I repeat DOES NOT do drugs, drink or have sex. Now stop spreading false statements. Please, as a parent you should be more responsible than that.

Oh sweetie, that's what my mom thought too. And I did all of those things with my "true love waits ring" on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Popular kids are definitely doing drugs, drinking, and having sex. I would prefer mine to be "average" or "unpopular". They really have a lot to manage when they get into stuff they are not ready for. Just adds to an already stressful time in life. I wouldn't want to revisit my adolescence for anything, or have to deal with being the parent of a popular kid. You are lucky, OP!

I deeply resent this comment. What an ignorant blanket statement! My D is a 16 year old honor student, straight A's, captain of two teams, as hard working as they come and very popular. She DOES NOT do drugs, believes in waiting until marriage to have sex rarely drinks. She does not do the party scene on a regular basis because she practices her sport early mornings on Sat. and Sunday ( a blessing in disguise). I really think you need to retract that statement, you might want to say "in your opinion, many popular kids,etc....." but to lump them all together and make it sound so matter of fact is crazy talk!

No, she's a jock. There's a difference between jocks and the popular kids.

My D is not a jock. She plays field hockey and runs track. She is athletic but very feminine. She I repeat is NOT a jock, IS very popular, possibly the most popular girl in her HS and I repeat DOES NOT do drugs, drink or have sex. Now stop spreading false statements. Please, as a parent you should be more responsible than that.

If your dd isn't very involved in the party scene because of her sports, she's not one of the popular kids. She may be well known and well liked, but the "popular kids" are a different breed. They're known as the "popular kids" but really only popular among themselves and those who want in. Everybody else can't stand them.

That's your opinion. I knw my D

[Anonymous]

Is your popular girl mean?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Popular kids are definitely doing drugs, drinking, and having sex. I would prefer mine to be "average" or "unpopular". They really have a lot to manage when they get into stuff they are not ready for. Just adds to an already stressful time in life. I wouldn't want to revisit my adolescence for anything, or have to deal with being the parent of a popular kid. You are lucky, OP!

I deeply resent this comment. What an ignorant blanket statement! My D is a 16 year old honor student, straight A's, captain of two teams, as hard working as they come and very popular. She DOES NOT do drugs, believes in waiting until marriage to have sex rarely drinks. She does not do the party scene on a regular basis because she practices her sport early mornings on Sat. and Sunday ( a blessing in disguise). I really think you need to retract that statement, you might want to say "in your opinion, many popular kids,etc....." but to lump them all together and make it sound so matter of fact is crazy talk!

No, she's a jock. There's a difference between jocks and the popular kids.

My D is not a jock. She plays field hockey and runs track. She is athletic but very feminine. She I repeat is NOT a jock, IS very popular, possibly the most popular girl in her HS and I repeat DOES NOT do drugs, drink or have sex. Now stop spreading false statements. Please, as a parent you should be more responsible than that.

If your dd isn't very involved in the party scene because of her sports, she's not one of the popular kids. She may be well known and well liked, but the "popular kids" are a different breed. They're known as the "popular kids" but really only popular among themselves and those who want in. Everybody else can't stand them.

That's your opinion. I knw my D

You seem oddly obsessed with maintaining the "popular" label for your dd.

[Anonymous]

My kids are in elementary school. When do indeed to start homeschooling to avoid this crap. Truly, can my older DD stay in school through middle school or do I need to pull her in 6th?

OP consider yourself blessed. This all sounds way too familiar and I feel lucky to have survived my own youth unscathed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Popular kids are definitely doing drugs, drinking, and having sex. I would prefer mine to be "average" or "unpopular". They really have a lot to manage when they get into stuff they are not ready for. Just adds to an already stressful time in life. I wouldn't want to revisit my adolescence for anything, or have to deal with being the parent of a popular kid. You are lucky, OP!

I deeply resent this comment. What an ignorant blanket statement! My D is a 16 year old honor student, straight A's, captain of two teams, as hard working as they come and very popular. She DOES NOT do drugs, believes in waiting until marriage to have sex rarely drinks. She does not do the party scene on a regular basis because she practices her sport early mornings on Sat. and Sunday ( a blessing in disguise). I really think you need to retract that statement, you might want to say "in your opinion, many popular kids,etc....." but to lump them all together and make it sound so matter of fact is crazy talk!

No, she's a jock. There's a difference between jocks and the popular kids.

My D is not a jock. She plays field hockey and runs track. She is athletic but very feminine. She I repeat is NOT a jock, IS very popular, possibly the most popular girl in her HS and I repeat DOES NOT do drugs, drink or have sex. Now stop spreading false statements. Please, as a parent you should be more responsible than that.

Jock is not an insult and it doesn't mean someone is not feminine. You have some weird hang
Ups.

[Anonymous]

I think jock implies some boyish looking overly developed rough about the edge, girl who is very masculine, think that's a common stereotype.

My own D. is a athlete but anything but a jock. She is as feminine as a girl can be, so I think she would be offended if someone called her a jock. Just my own opinion.

OP, I think its hard if you were a popular girl and equate HS with all of your outings and friends and special experiences and especially if it was a great experience, you so badly want that for your own D. but obviously she is different and doesn't need all that. The sooner you accept it because you will NOT change it, the more content you will be with how things are and the sooner you will accept and embrace all of her strengths. Use that energy to do that and life will be so much better and sweeter for both of you.

Trust me, that party scene, the breakups with boyfriends, the drama with all the petty girls, it is not pretty and certainly not at all its cracked up to be. If you even got a taste of it for a few days you would go running back to your D with open arms!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Oh get over it. You are kidding yourself to not think that I would say MOST mothers secretly DO bask in the glory of their darling little Kate or Will being the ringleader of their peer groups. YES parents (especially competitive moms who wear yoga pants to shop in Whole Foods and drive big shiny SUV's) get off on this kind of thing. For you to think they dont' you are living in another world.

My kids attend a local elite private school and I them coming all day long. My kids are young thankfully too young still for me to even think of this but having gone through it with my step kids to an extent and being very involved in the school/community, I have seen this on full display. They live for their kids to be popular!

You are crazy pants. Most parents around here don't care. They weren't popular and are successful. Their children will be the same.

Sure they do. Do you think the competitiveness and overachieving does not extend to social situations?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think jock implies some boyish looking overly developed rough about the edge, girl who is very masculine, think that's a common stereotype.

Snort.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Popular kids are definitely doing drugs, drinking, and having sex. I would prefer mine to be "average" or "unpopular". They really have a lot to manage when they get into stuff they are not ready for. Just adds to an already stressful time in life. I wouldn't want to revisit my adolescence for anything, or have to deal with being the parent of a popular kid. You are lucky, OP!

I deeply resent this comment. What an ignorant blanket statement! My D is a 16 year old honor student, straight A's, captain of two teams, as hard working as they come and very popular. She DOES NOT do drugs, believes in waiting until marriage to have sex rarely drinks. She does not do the party scene on a regular basis because she practices her sport early mornings on Sat. and Sunday ( a blessing in disguise). I really think you need to retract that statement, you might want to say "in your opinion, many popular kids,etc....." but to lump them all together and make it sound so matter of fact is crazy talk!

No, she's a jock. There's a difference between jocks and the popular kids.

My D is not a jock. She plays field hockey and runs track. She is athletic but very feminine. She I repeat is NOT a jock, IS very popular, possibly the most popular girl in her HS and I repeat DOES NOT do drugs, drink or have sex. Now stop spreading false statements. Please, as a parent you should be more responsible than that.

Oh sweetie, that's what my mom thought too. And I did all of those things with my "true love waits ring" on.

+1

[Anonymous]

Popular kids are assholes!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Oh get over it. You are kidding yourself to not think that I would say MOST mothers secretly DO bask in the glory of their darling little Kate or Will being the ringleader of their peer groups. YES parents (especially competitive moms who wear yoga pants to shop in Whole Foods and drive big shiny SUV's) get off on this kind of thing. For you to think they dont' you are living in another world.

My kids attend a local elite private school and I them coming all day long. My kids are young thankfully too young still for me to even think of this but having gone through it with my step kids to an extent and being very involved in the school/community, I have seen this on full display. They live for their kids to be popular!

You are crazy pants. Most parents around here don't care. They weren't popular and are successful. Their children will be the same.

Sure they do. Do you think the competitiveness and overachieving does not extend to social situations?

Only for those who aren't successful. Most parents around here would rather see their child as the valedictorian and don't care at all if the kid is the most popular. Usually because the most popular is drinking and not a great student. The valedictorian is never the most popular. I would go as far as to say most parents around here do not want their kids to be popular. Friendly and have a good group of friends? Yes. Popular? No. The only parents I have noticed who care about popularity are the washed-up former homecoming queens and football star parents trying to relive their glory days.

[Anonymous]

My mother was the queen of her high school in the '50s. I was a HS floater -- not in the in crowd -- with a circle of close friends, and I always felt I was a disappointment to her for not being popular. Now I have a nice teen son who seems to be very much a longer with a couple of good friends in school he doesn't see outside of school at all, and I worry he isn't replicating my own outsider experience that was right for me.

[Anonymous]

Like all of us, I worry about my son every single day.

Some of the things I worry about, I should worry about - he is a bit high strung, unorganized, and comes off as argumentative sometimes. These characteristics will make his life a bit harder, so I worry.

Some of the things I worry about really come down to - "if I were his age, I would be happier if X were true, but he doesn't do that" - he's more of a loner than I, he doesn't have the very tight circle of friends that were key to my high school happiness (I was far from the "popular crowd" but I did have a large circle).

When these worries crop up, I just repeat that mantra: I am not my child. My child is not me. I must raise the child I have, not the child I expected to have or wanted to have.

My kid couldn't give a rat's ass about popularity. I admire that, most of the time, but sometimes I forget to.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Oh get over it. You are kidding yourself to not think that I would say MOST mothers secretly DO bask in the glory of their darling little Kate or Will being the ringleader of their peer groups. YES parents (especially competitive moms who wear yoga pants to shop in Whole Foods and drive big shiny SUV's) get off on this kind of thing. For you to think they dont' you are living in another world.

My kids attend a local elite private school and I them coming all day long. My kids are young thankfully too young still for me to even think of this but having gone through it with my step kids to an extent and being very involved in the school/community, I have seen this on full display. They live for their kids to be popular!

You are crazy pants. Most parents around here don't care. They weren't popular and are successful. Their children will be the same.

Sure they do. Do you think the competitiveness and overachieving does not extend to social situations?

Only for those who aren't successful. Most parents around here would rather see their child as the valedictorian and don't care at all if the kid is the most popular. Usually because the most popular is drinking and not a great student. The valedictorian is never the most popular. I would go as far as to say most parents around here do not want their kids to be popular. Friendly and have a good group of friends? Yes. Popular? No. The only parents I have noticed who care about popularity are the washed-up former homecoming queens and football star parents trying to relive their glory days.

I tend to agree. It would be hard for a teen to put great emphasis and energy into their social life - dating, going to parties, pecking orders, hanging out, going to the mall, texting, etc. AND still find time to significantly develop their academic skills/prepare for their future. I think, as parents, we want our kids to have some fun, memorable times with their friends but not at the expense of their academic learning. Balance is best. Not always easy to achieve, but balance is the goal.