Husband wants to move for job, I don't

[Anonymous]

OP here. I'm surprised to hear so many people think a 10% raise is enough to uproot a family and move across the country away from close family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's not just her parents. It's her children aunts and uncles and cousins (it sounds like.) That's worth a lot.

I agree. So rare to have that.

There are pros on the other side too though.

But his are in CA. I think it's OP who is having the mommy/daddy issue here. Didn't OP say somewhere that she grew up in this area, meaning (I assume) never lived anywhere else?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I'm surprised to hear so many people think a 10% raise is enough to uproot a family and move across the country away from close family.

I would agree with you if you had no family in SoCal but you said your inlaws are there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I'm surprised to hear so many people think a 10% raise is enough to uproot a family and move across the country away from close family.

YOUR family, OP. What about your DH's? Hey, you married a man from across the country. You had to have known this would come up eventually.

[Anonymous]

It's like... marriage means you don't get what you want all the time. But there is a way to live with autonomy and being to make all decisions yourself without considering others... it's called being single.

[Anonymous]

Also I think that when you get married your spouse and you kids are your primary family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I'm surprised to hear so many people think a 10% raise is enough to uproot a family and move across the country away from close family.

It's not just the intial 10%. I'm assuming by the fact that you have young kids you're in your 30's? So he'll be working for another 25-30 years? That means that decisions your husband makes today will have an impact on his career over a long period of time.

[Anonymous]

OP, it's clear you only want the opinion of those agreeing with you.

[Anonymous]

DH makes about 150k. He was offered 200k to work in another province. It was also a step up career wise and would have accelerated his career.

I said no way, no how. He can still make that money eventually here. But I will not move just to speed up his career progression. My kids like their school. They are 12 and 14. I Won't sell my 1.5 million dollar house. I would pay 75k just in real estate fees to sell my house.
Plus, I work two days a week, I only make 40k but if I worked FT I would make 100k. If we moved I would lose my job. Again down another 40 k. Not seeing the upside.
Plus if I was that desperate for DH to have a 50 k raise, then I would rather work FT myself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I'm surprised to hear so many people think a 10% raise is enough to uproot a family and move across the country away from close family.

It's not just the intial 10%. I'm assuming by the fact that you have young kids you're in your 30's? So he'll be working for another 25-30 years? That means that decisions your husband makes today will have an impact on his career over a long period of time.

NP here. That is not something I would move for. No guarantee.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I'm surprised to hear so many people think a 10% raise is enough to uproot a family and move across the country away from close family.

It's not just the intial 10%. I'm assuming by the fact that you have young kids you're in your 30's? So he'll be working for another 25-30 years? That means that decisions your husband makes today will have an impact on his career over a long period of time.

NP here. That is not something I would move for. No guarantee.

How is there any less of a guarantee than if he were to stay where he is? There are no guarantees in life, but advancing in your career can give you greater security. Your 30's are too early to coast, IMO.

[Anonymous]

Op do you like his family? Is it just his parents or are there also aunts and uncles out there, too?

[Anonymous]

I also think OP would have a better case if she were planning to go back to work at some point. If she were able to say... "I'm not working now, but being DC will be better for MY career when I go back in 2, 3, 4, years so that means staying here is better for US."

But if he's the only earner, I think it's too risky to turn down a promotion just because you'd rather live here.

[Anonymous]

I did not grow up here but my sister, brother and I ended up here. I know he, our kids and myself are our family. I know it sounds like I'm being selfish. His parents are the only family in CA. Here, we have a lot more.

[Anonymous]

I am interested in all opinions, not just those who say I should stay. DH's parents mean well. They love our kids but I'd rather see them in small doses. My MIL is a lot to handle. She is the kind of person who is really nice and great to those who matter to her, but can be very rude to those who don't.