Responsibilities of Adult Step Parent

[Anonymous]

I was talking to a coworker. He mentioned this site.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So how does a 50+ year old guy with no children stumble across a website called DC Urban Moms & Dads and then proceed to share specific details about step family, finances and the like?

It's for dads, too, and he is a stepdad. Also, many anonymous posters share specific details.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:With every post the problem becomes harder for you to define. You simply do not like them.

THIS, and it's obvious from your posts OP. What you need to understand is that these are HER children. They are not yours and you need to stay out of things. Your wife needs to handle things with them. Whatever you feel about them YOU have absolutely no experience raising children and do not have any adult children yourself. I honestly see you as extremely selfish. You married into a family and don't seem willing to be part of that family.

Now, I'm not saying you need to hand over your wallet/bank account etc...but you need to understand how families work. This one works in one way and others may or may not. You either need to deal with it, set realistic boundries

that don't allienate their mother from them (then you are a serious serious bad guy

, although I'm willing to bet they already see you as such), or divorce and get out. Honestly you seem like you would function better single.

Even if he did this, the mother would have to go along with it. Her choice, not him being a bad guy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I probably should have mentioned this in the Op and maybe you will have less sympathy for them. Daughters get entitlement from her parents (grandparents) not my wife. My wife's parents paid for their ganddaughters' college and gave them a substantial downpayment for their house. They also gave them lots of money for their wedding too.

Dude, who cares? You are the only person who thinks money makes people happy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We made a decision to limit spending to about $300 total between the two families birthday's/ Christmas.

So for 8 family members you spent $300 total, covering two occasions? Even if $300 was just supposed to cover Christmas that's about $37 per person you spent. That's nothing to brag about.

Look, if you're not a troll then you're an asshole. If the girls are entitled, then it's because they were raised that way. Blame your new wife. You sound very cold and like all you pay attention to is money and material things. If my mother married you I would not like you either.

We don't always get the grandkids birthday gifts. The parents throw huge parties and the kids get so much anyway. Beside whatever we did would not be enough for them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I probably should have mentioned this in the Op and maybe you will have less sympathy for them. Daughters get entitlement from her parents (grandparents) not my wife. My wife's parents paid for their ganddaughters' college and gave them a substantial downpayment for their house. They also gave them lots of money for their wedding too.

Dude, who cares? You are the only person who thinks money makes people happy.

Right. I agree they should just enjoy our company. We offer to take them out to eat to a specific restaurant several times a year and older daughter refuses. She clsims that she got food poisoning there and is unwilling to go back there. I don't think it is true. It is our favorite restaurant.

[Anonymous]

OP Do you or your wife help out watching grandkids ever?

[Anonymous]

No we don't. My wife has offered but they've declined. I don't understand why though.

[Anonymous]

Ok, your wife and the kids' father(s) did a bad job raising them. That's part of what you marry into. That's part of why 70% of second marriages fail.

You need to prioritize what's important here, to your marriage, not to the kids. Focus on that. If that includes the kids then I hear talk of presents and son in law helping on projects. I hear a desire that they come over and enjoy your company. But I don't hear anything about what you do to foster a relationship other than buying things. Have you offered to babysit to give the parents a break? Invited them to a play or dinner or some common activity? Set up a Sunday night dinner that they can come to? Get season tickets to football or something else you all might enjoy? Attend their kids' school activities?

It is reasonable that the daughter is upset her husband spends a lit of time helping you, especially with kids in the picture. Parents of young kids do a lot of running around, cleaning up, entertaining,homework, additional housework, etc. much less try to have couple time themselves. Her annoyance is perfectly understandable.

Bottom line, in my opinion as a bio mom and step mom, you need to foster a relationship outside of money and gifts. And pick up a book or two on step parenting. Very helpful, IME.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ok, your wife and the kids' father(s) did a bad job raising them. That's part of what you marry into. That's part of why 70% of second marriages fail.

You need to prioritize what's important here, to your marriage, not to the kids. Focus on that. If that includes the kids then I hear talk of presents and son in law helping on projects. I hear a desire that they come over and enjoy your company. But I don't hear anything about what you do to foster a relationship other than buying things. Have you offered to babysit to give the parents a break? Invited them to a play or dinner or some common activity? Set up a Sunday night dinner that they can come to? Get season tickets to football or something else you all might enjoy? Attend their kids' school activities?

It is reasonable that the daughter is upset her husband spends a lit of time helping you, especially with kids in the picture. Parents of young kids do a lot of running around, cleaning up, entertaining,homework, additional housework, etc. much less try to have couple time themselves. Her annoyance is perfectly understandable.

Bottom line, in my opinion as a bio mom and step mom, you need to foster a relationship outside of money and gifts. And pick up a book or two on step parenting. Very helpful, IME.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I probably should have mentioned this in the Op and maybe you will have less sympathy for them. Daughters get entitlement from her parents (grandparents) not my wife. My wife's parents paid for their ganddaughters' college and gave them a substantial downpayment for their house. They also gave them lots of money for their wedding too.

Dude, who cares? You are the only person who thinks money makes people happy.

Right. I agree they should just enjoy our company. We offer to take them out to eat to a specific restaurant several times a year and older daughter refuses. She clsims that she got food poisoning there and is unwilling to go back there. I don't think it is true. It is our favorite restaurant.

Have you suggested other restaurants?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I probably should have mentioned this in the Op and maybe you will have less sympathy for them. Daughters get entitlement from her parents (grandparents) not my wife. My wife's parents paid for their ganddaughters' college and gave them a substantial downpayment for their house. They also gave them lots of money for their wedding too.

Dude, who cares? You are the only person who thinks money makes people happy.

Right. I agree they should just enjoy our company. We offer to take them out to eat to a specific restaurant several times a year and older daughter refuses. She clsims that she got food poisoning there and is unwilling to go back there. I don't think it is true. It is our favorite restaurant.

Have you suggested other restaurants?

No my wife loves the restaurant. The kids should go just to spend time with their mom. I think the older one does it just for spite.

[Anonymous]

If you are as thick headed with your step kids as you are on this site, your problem will never resolve.

[Anonymous]

I can't actually believe this is a real person. No one is really this obtuse, right? If so, dude, you have more of an entitlement issue than your wife's kids. Also, no one just wants to enjoy your company because you are a wretched human being and not in the slightest bit enjoyable.

Signed,
A step mom who adamantly is against giving adult children money and still thinks you sound like a dick

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you are as thick headed with your step kids as you are on this site, your problem will never resolve.

I agree. If you can't be flexible about a restaurant choice, there is no hope.