Responsibilities of Adult Step Parent

[Anonymous]

We made a decision to limit spending to about $300 total between the two families birthday's/ Christmas.

[Anonymous]

TROLLLLLL

[Anonymous]

With every post the problem becomes harder for you to define. You simply do not like them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We made a decision to limit spending to about $300 total between the two families birthday's/ Christmas.

So for 8 family members you spent $300 total, covering two occasions? Even if $300 was just supposed to cover Christmas that's about $37 per person you spent. That's nothing to brag about.

Look, if you're not a troll then you're an asshole. If the girls are entitled, then it's because they were raised that way. Blame your new wife. You sound very cold and like all you pay attention to is money and material things. If my mother married you I would not like you either.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We made a decision to limit spending to about $300 total between the two families birthday's/ Christmas.

So for 8 family members you spent $300 total, covering two occasions? Even if $300 was just supposed to cover Christmas that's about $37 per person you spent. That's nothing to brag about.

Look, if you're not a troll then you're an asshole. If the girls are entitled, then it's because they were raised that way. Blame your new wife. You sound very cold and like all you pay attention to is money and material things. If my mother married you I would not like you either.

Their mother feels the same way I do. I completely agree we shouldn't be focusing on material things. They should just come over and enjoy our company and help out when needed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I just married two years ago and my wife has adult children/ grandchildren. Do I have any responsibilities to these people? I don't feel close to them and frankly neither does she. When the younger one got married last year we paid 1k for the alcohol at the wedding as our gift. We wanted to buy a home theater system for 7.5k and a third car for 25k and we just couldn't afford to do anymore for her and pay for what we want to do but the kids acted like we were being cheap. The younger daughter seems to have a chip on her shoulder now and the older one is worse. I feel like these kids are incredibly entitled to think that their mom owes them anything at this point. They both good jobs and in my opinion should pay their own way.

This phrasing says it all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Btw DW did explain this but went over like a lead balloon. Older daughter is more hostile than younger one and it is strained to spend Christmas with them. Why can't they just enjoy our company without expecting things?

They don't like you. Or they don't like you for their mother. If you were someone they had any interest in at all, they would probably let a lot of this slide and not be bothered by it. I have no interest in determining how much "right" they do or don't have to be bothered, since it really doesn't matter.
I'm sorry this is so blunt, but its pretty clearly the problem.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:With every post the problem becomes harder for you to define. You simply do not like them.

THIS, and it's obvious from your posts OP. What you need to understand is that these are HER children. They are not yours and you need to stay out of things. Your wife needs to handle things with them. Whatever you feel about them YOU have absolutely no experience raising children and do not have any adult children yourself. I honestly see you as extremely selfish. You married into a family and don't seem willing to be part of that family.

Now, I'm not saying you need to hand over your wallet/bank account etc...but you need to understand how families work. This one works in one way and others may or may not. You either need to deal with it, set realistic boundries that don't allienate their mother from them (then you are a serious serious bad guy, although I'm willing to bet they already see you as such), or divorce and get out. Honestly you seem like you would function better single.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You don't have a responsibility, but you may want to think about how your actions are viewed. A little bit of generosity from your wife towards her daughters may pay dividends in terms of your relationship with the kids.

I come froma a family where my parents (separately) either didn't have any money (my mom) or didn't prioritize helping me when he could have (my dad - when I was paying my way through college, having a baby, etc.). I turned out fine.

That being said, neither of my parents were buying luxury goods for themselves when I was desperate for some help. Sound systems and third cars? Luxury goods.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Nope, I don't have kids of my own just pets. I am still miffed at older one due to the way she acted before our wedding. We asked her to be a bridesmaid and she was miffed that we didn't pay for her dress. Who pays for bridesmaid dresses? The bridesmaids of course! It was a big honor that we made her such a big part of our wedding. She told DW that she thought the wedding was lavish. I think she was jealous too because I bought DW a 20k engagement ring. Do all adult kids think the world revolves around them?

Wow, OP. You're really deaf to the way you sound. You're in for a long, difficult relationship and/or eventual estrangement from your wife's kids. I was going to guess that you didn't have kids or if you did you weren't close to them. I have to think your attitude bleeds over into other areas of your life.

My parents generally don't help me out at all, but my dad and his wife paid for my bridesmaid dress when I was in their wedding (at 23yo).

Or a divorce from your wife when she wakes up.to the fact that her relationship with you is alienating her from her children.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I call troll. The extravagant purchases keep getting bigger with each post.

I wish. This is a real problem. The daughters seem to be the bookkeepers. I'm glad that most people agree that the daughters are selfish to expect financial support as adults. I'm just want them to stop acting like they have a chip on their shoulders.

Can you read? Not ONE poster has agreed with you, geezer.

[Anonymous]

this it's either troll, or the most clueless knucklehead out there. There's no tile saying bridesmaids pay for their own dress. I've been a bridesmaids twice and both times the bride paid. buying a dress it's not the same as renting a tux. Dresses also require shoes, jewelry, hairand makeup, so that $150 dress can easily end up costing $300 or more. And those great gifts aren't that great... a sweater and makeup bag? not that awesome. If you're real, you're very stringy and as entitled as the kids.

[Anonymous]

Your stepdaughter was unhappy she had to buy a bridesmaid dress..... For a wedding she did NOT want to be a part of! Clearly they don't like you! And why should they? You have no love or kindness to offer them.

[Anonymous]

I probably should have mentioned this in the Op and maybe you will have less sympathy for them. Daughters get entitlement from her parents (grandparents) not my wife. My wife's parents paid for their ganddaughters' college and gave them a substantial downpayment for their house. They also gave them lots of money for their wedding too.

[Anonymous]

So how does a 50+ year old guy with no children stumble across a website called DC Urban Moms & Dads and then proceed to share specific details about step family, finances and the like?