Responsibilities of Adult Step Parent

[Anonymous]

I call troll. The extravagant purchases keep getting bigger with each post.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I call troll. The extravagant purchases keep getting bigger with each post.

I wish. This is a real problem. The daughters seem to be the bookkeepers. I'm glad that most people agree that the daughters are selfish to expect financial support as adults. I'm just want them to stop acting like they have a chip on their shoulders.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No we won't ever be completely estranged. Older kid has a wonderful husband who doesn't share her entitlement attitude and expects nothing in return. He will always stay in touch. The older daughter has been married for some years. The husband is so gracious. He will spend hours helping me with various projects which I know makes older daughter mad. Older daughter has young kids and both work full time and privately complains to DW that he doesn't have the time to help but feels bad about saying no. She will often call after he's been helping for a few hours with excuses with why her husband needs to come home. I mean he only spends about 20 hours a year helping us and I'm getting older with back problems.

You do realize that "wonderful husband" is only biting his tongue for his wife's sake so that she still has a relationship with her mother.

OP, you sound like a selfish twat. I don't expect you to give them thousands of dollars, but your financial decisions and attitude (you called one daughter a "major problem"!) are just god awful. You threw a lavish wedding and couldn't help your young kid trying to make her way in life with a dress that YOU made her wear? F'ing ridiculous.

She and her husband make a similiar income to us and we had a ton of wedding expenses. Neither of our parents helped out with the wedding and they are all alive. I would never expect to be a groomsman and not pay for the outfit. It was 150 dollars and she was a spoiled sport about the whole thing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No we won't ever be completely estranged. Older kid has a wonderful husband who doesn't share her entitlement attitude and expects nothing in return. He will always stay in touch. The older daughter has been married for some years. The husband is so gracious. He will spend hours helping me with various projects which I know makes older daughter mad. Older daughter has young kids and both work full time and privately complains to DW that he doesn't have the time to help but feels bad about saying no. She will often call after he's been helping for a few hours with excuses with why her husband needs to come home. I mean he only spends about 20 hours a year helping us and I'm getting older with back problems.

You don't want to buy them things but you expect the husband to help out because you're getting older with back problems? Maybe you should spend some of your money on household help.

Seriously, why should money be tied to helping out family? Why should I have to pay them for help? We bought them great gifts for Christmas though it shouldn't be relevant to getting physical help. We bought the kids each an electronic gizmo game the guys sweaters and t-shirts and the daughters cosmetic purses and usb devices.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No we won't ever be completely estranged. Older kid has a wonderful husband who doesn't share her entitlement attitude and expects nothing in return. He will always stay in touch. The older daughter has been married for some years. The husband is so gracious. He will spend hours helping me with various projects which I know makes older daughter mad. Older daughter has young kids and both work full time and privately complains to DW that he doesn't have the time to help but feels bad about saying no. She will often call after he's been helping for a few hours with excuses with why her husband needs to come home. I mean he only spends about 20 hours a year helping us and I'm getting older with back problems.

You don't want to buy them things but you expect the husband to help out because you're getting older with back problems? Maybe you should spend some of your money on household help.

Seriously, why should money be tied to helping out family? Why should I have to pay them for help? We bought them great gifts for Christmas though it shouldn't be relevant to getting physical help. We bought the kids each an electronic gizmo game the guys sweaters and t-shirts and the daughters cosmetic purses and usb devices.

The point is they expect something from you (monetary items) and you expect something from them ( physical help). If you want to take you need to be willing to give.

[Anonymous]

OP, based on your defensive responses, you shouldn't have come here if you don't want to hear what people think.

Best case scenario for you: you and your step daughters are both wrong.

Worst case: you don't care for them and are trying to find justification for it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No we won't ever be completely estranged. Older kid has a wonderful husband who doesn't share her entitlement attitude and expects nothing in return. He will always stay in touch. The older daughter has been married for some years. The husband is so gracious. He will spend hours helping me with various projects which I know makes older daughter mad. Older daughter has young kids and both work full time and privately complains to DW that he doesn't have the time to help but feels bad about saying no. She will often call after he's been helping for a few hours with excuses with why her husband needs to come home. I mean he only spends about 20 hours a year helping us and I'm getting older with back problems.

You don't want to buy them things but you expect the husband to help out because you're getting older with back problems? Maybe you should spend some of your money on household help.

Seriously, why should money be tied to helping out family? Why should I have to pay them for help? We bought them great gifts for Christmas though it shouldn't be relevant to getting physical help. We bought the kids each an electronic gizmo game the guys sweaters and t-shirts and the daughters cosmetic purses and usb devices.

The point is they expect something from you (monetary items) and you expect something from them ( physical help). If you want to take you need to be willing to give.

We gave them great Christmas gifts. I still don't understand how I am wrong.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No we won't ever be completely estranged. Older kid has a wonderful husband who doesn't share her entitlement attitude and expects nothing in return. He will always stay in touch. The older daughter has been married for some years. The husband is so gracious. He will spend hours helping me with various projects which I know makes older daughter mad. Older daughter has young kids and both work full time and privately complains to DW that he doesn't have the time to help but feels bad about saying no. She will often call after he's been helping for a few hours with excuses with why her husband needs to come home. I mean he only spends about 20 hours a year helping us and I'm getting older with back problems.

You don't want to buy them things but you expect the husband to help out because you're getting older with back problems? Maybe you should spend some of your money on household help.

Seriously, why should money be tied to helping out family? Why should I have to pay them for help? We bought them great gifts for Christmas though it shouldn't be relevant to getting physical help. We bought the kids each an electronic gizmo game the guys sweaters and t-shirts and the daughters cosmetic purses and usb devices.

The point is they expect something from you (monetary items) and you expect something from them ( physical help). If you want to take you need to be willing to give.

We gave them great Christmas gifts. I still don't understand how I am wrong.

Kids will always be kids no matter how old they are. You need to stop keeping track of who asks for what. You will make your relationship with your wife miserable. Gifts are gifts. Did the children get you guys anything?

[Anonymous]

Yes we got gifts too but neither of us liked what we got (trinkets and a purse) with the exception of a tool from oldest daughters husband. The daughters don't ask for gifts and have never openly complained about their gifts.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No we won't ever be completely estranged. Older kid has a wonderful husband who doesn't share her entitlement attitude and expects nothing in return. He will always stay in touch. The older daughter has been married for some years. The husband is so gracious. He will spend hours helping me with various projects which I know makes older daughter mad. Older daughter has young kids and both work full time and privately complains to DW that he doesn't have the time to help but feels bad about saying no. She will often call after he's been helping for a few hours with excuses with why her husband needs to come home. I mean he only spends about 20 hours a year helping us and I'm getting older with back problems.

You don't want to buy them things but you expect the husband to help out because you're getting older with back problems? Maybe you should spend some of your money on household help.

Seriously, why should money be tied to helping out family? Why should I have to pay them for help? We bought them great gifts for Christmas though it shouldn't be relevant to getting physical help. We bought the kids each an electronic gizmo game the guys sweaters and t-shirts and the daughters cosmetic purses and usb devices.

The point is they expect something from you (monetary items) and you expect something from them ( physical help). If you want to take you need to be willing to give.

We gave them great Christmas gifts. I still don't understand how I am wrong.

OP, I don't think you are wrong. It seems that you have entitled, dependant, adult stepchildren; it is not your job to be a bank to them.

[Anonymous]

The only exception was the wedding. They have an old fashioned attitude about what parents are supposed to pay there EVERYTHING.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No we won't ever be completely estranged. Older kid has a wonderful husband who doesn't share her entitlement attitude and expects nothing in return. He will always stay in touch. The older daughter has been married for some years. The husband is so gracious. He will spend hours helping me with various projects which I know makes older daughter mad. Older daughter has young kids and both work full time and privately complains to DW that he doesn't have the time to help but feels bad about saying no. She will often call after he's been helping for a few hours with excuses with why her husband needs to come home. I mean he only spends about 20 hours a year helping us and I'm getting older with back problems.

You don't want to buy them things but you expect the husband to help out because you're getting older with back problems? Maybe you should spend some of your money on household help.

Seriously, why should money be tied to helping out family? Why should I have to pay them for help? We bought them great gifts for Christmas though it shouldn't be relevant to getting physical help. We bought the kids each an electronic gizmo game the guys sweaters and t-shirts and the daughters cosmetic purses and usb devices.

The point is they expect something from you (monetary items) and you expect something from them ( physical help). If you want to take you need to be willing to give.

We gave them great Christmas gifts. I still don't understand how I am wrong.

OP, I don't think you are wrong. It seems that you have entitled, dependant, adult stepchildren; it is not your job to be a bank to them.

PP Thank you for validating how I feel. Should DW and I say something to them? If so what?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No we won't ever be completely estranged. Older kid has a wonderful husband who doesn't share her entitlement attitude and expects nothing in return. He will always stay in touch. The older daughter has been married for some years. The husband is so gracious. He will spend hours helping me with various projects which I know makes older daughter mad. Older daughter has young kids and both work full time and privately complains to DW that he doesn't have the time to help but feels bad about saying no. She will often call after he's been helping for a few hours with excuses with why her husband needs to come home. I mean he only spends about 20 hours a year helping us and I'm getting older with back problems.

You don't want to buy them things but you expect the husband to help out because you're getting older with back problems? Maybe you should spend some of your money on household help.

Seriously, why should money be tied to helping out family? Why should I have to pay them for help? We bought them great gifts for Christmas though it shouldn't be relevant to getting physical help. We bought the kids each an electronic gizmo game the guys sweaters and t-shirts and the daughters cosmetic purses and usb devices.

The point is they expect something from you (monetary items) and you expect something from them ( physical help). If you want to take you need to be willing to give.

We gave them great Christmas gifts. I still don't understand how I am wrong.

OP, I don't think you are wrong. It seems that you have entitled, dependant, adult stepchildren; it is not your job to be a bank to them.

are they really asking you to be their bank? are they asking you to pay for their mortgage, car payments, daily living expenses, extra activities for the grand kids?

[Anonymous]

No...never they know we'd laugh them out of the house.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I call troll. The extravagant purchases keep getting bigger with each post.

I agree. Definitely a troll - nobody would be that much of a stingey ahole.