Another friend refused to be my divorce witness.

[Anonymous]

[Anonymous]

Even though the witness just needs to confirm facts, to those witnesses, there is definitely more at play. Like it or not, people may not want to get involved for a variety of reasons: the appearance of "taking sides", getting involved in other peoples business, burning bridges with other who may judge them for getting involved.

I feel for you OP, but like it or not, it isn't just as simple as confirming facts and signing a paper. To you it may be, but to others (especially mutual friends, family members, etc.) it isn't. You can't hold it against others for not wanting to get involved.

[Anonymous]

You do not need someone who knows you both in Virginia. You only need someone who knows that you have been living apart from him for the past year. There must be someone. Get a new lawyer and stop being such an isolated wimp.

[Anonymous]

I am a pp who has told you on several occasions to get a different witness that doesn't know him. I am very angry about this, and I am angry with you for putting people in this position because my father asked me to do this for him and my mother. As I was young, and all I was doing was confirming facts, I did it. I later realized how much it hurt my mother, and I deeply regretted it. I am overjoyed that they are divorced, but there was absolutely no reason that I had to be the one that attested to it. Anyone who knows that you don't live with him will do. Stop trying to get his family involved!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP: I don't care about money. I don't need his money. I just want to divorce him.

I don't want to spend all of my funds to fight in court. What's the point for spending 100K in lawyers fee to get 1K a month in child support?

I just wish people will stop throwing stones at me. Okay maybe I will stay married to him then. I am sick of people who tell me how they love my child but do not want to get involved in my divorce. People who care get involved. That's fine. I am a monster. I don't deserve any help. I am a shitty person. I am the lowest piece of crap. okay okay i get it.

OP, I fear that you are losing control here. I have been where you are - feeling desparate with seemingly nowhere to turn. I do agree with the PP's who suggest that you head to a women's resource center. That is what I did and I actually learned that a neighbor who could verify that my DH was not living with me was sufficient. However, it sounds like in your case that you may not even be that.

I will tell you though that you need to exit the pity party. On one hand you say that you have no friends for various reasons, but then complain that you do not have anyone close to you to help. That's kind of a self-fufilling problem. The people you are forced to ask for help are not close enough to you help and part of that is your isolation. GL

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I already responded, but I really want to reiterate that what you are doing is absolutely wrong. You should not be asking his relatives. They are not your friends, they are his relatives. You are divorcing, they are on his side, stop trying to change that. It just puts them in an awful position and makes you look like a moron. Find someone, anyone, who knows that you have not lived with him for the past year, and ask them to be a witness. And, most importantly, learn how to treat people and get some friends.

NP here. I don't understand how it would put anyone in a bad position just to confirm that the soon-to-be-ex doesn't live with this woman anymore. How is that taking sides?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I already responded, but I really want to reiterate that what you are doing is absolutely wrong. You should not be asking his relatives. They are not your friends, they are his relatives. You are divorcing, they are on his side, stop trying to change that. It just puts them in an awful position and makes you look like a moron. Find someone, anyone, who knows that you have not lived with him for the past year, and ask them to be a witness. And, most importantly, learn how to treat people and get some friends.

NP here. I don't understand how it would put anyone in a bad position just to confirm that the soon-to-be-ex doesn't live with this woman anymore. How is that taking sides?

Because like it or not, the dynamics between family members (especially divorcing family members) are more complex than just signing a piece of paper. While it may be confirming facts, others in the family may perceive it as taking sides.

[Anonymous]

OP --you have been misinformed by your attorney. You can swear on an affidavit that you have not lived with your spouse during the time period required. You are your own witness. You said the divorce is uncontested. There are no "grounds" for divorce to be considered unless you also have children--then you or your ex's behavior comes in under custody arrangements..

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP: Thanks everyone. I do admit I suck at making friends. I do have friends but not many people know both of us. The witness do need to know both of us and there are limited people that do.

He is not contesting the divorce. He can simply care less. I don't want to ask him for many reasons. What's more, since I file first I am the plaintiff and all the witness questions are related how well the witness know me, not him.

I enjoy being alone and I find socializing exhausting. I do not hang out with couple friends even when we were married because I do not enjoy going out with my ex. It is not a crime right?

My ex has spent my child's college savings on strip clubs. He's cashing 401k to go to Las Vegas. He spends every night in the local clubs and bars and somehow I am the evil monster.

I work full time. I take care of my child all by myself financially, physically, and in every way shape or form. My crime is that I do not have a social life. I do not have a close relationship with anyone really that I feel I can impose this on them. I am the type who would rather walk a mile after surgery than asking for help. I don't think I deserve the flame.

I grew up in Asia and my real friends are there. I have no family here except my child. It's hard enough to be a single mom. I just want to divorce him because he's racking up serious debt and I am very worried it may affect me. Where are we supposed to live if we lose the house?

I do have a lawyer but a witness is required by law. I never thought the hardest part is finding a witness. They don't have to take sides. Just confirm basic facts. That is all.

What makes me mad is that this person sent me an email telling me that he loves my child like his own. Give me a break. He does not get to be the nice guy. He is telling me that he never asks about my child's home life when my kid's dad lives at his house for 3 years?

You could have saved up in three years to fly a family member over and sign the dang form and go back home at this point.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I already responded, but I really want to reiterate that what you are doing is absolutely wrong. You should not be asking his relatives. They are not your friends, they are his relatives. You are divorcing, they are on his side, stop trying to change that. It just puts them in an awful position and makes you look like a moron. Find someone, anyone, who knows that you have not lived with him for the past year, and ask them to be a witness. And, most importantly, learn how to treat people and get some friends.

NP here. I don't understand how it would put anyone in a bad position just to confirm that the soon-to-be-ex doesn't live with this woman anymore. How is that taking sides?

That's what I thought, which is why I did it. But in the middle of a divorce, sometimes everything looks like taking sides, even when it is not.

[Anonymous]

can't you just ask a friend. seems much easier. i just agreed to do this for a friend of mine. does not seem like a huge favor to me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
You could have saved up in three years to fly a family member over and sign the dang form and go back home at this point.

OP: They can sign overseas in US Consulate. The point is they are not witness because they never see our living situations.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I already responded, but I really want to reiterate that what you are doing is absolutely wrong. You should not be asking his relatives. They are not your friends, they are his relatives. You are divorcing, they are on his side, stop trying to change that. It just puts them in an awful position and makes you look like a moron. Find someone, anyone, who knows that you have not lived with him for the past year, and ask them to be a witness. And, most importantly, learn how to treat people and get some friends.

NP here. I don't understand how it would put anyone in a bad position just to confirm that the soon-to-be-ex doesn't live with this woman anymore. How is that taking sides?

That's what I thought, which is why I did it. But in the middle of a divorce, sometimes everything looks like taking sides, even when it is not.

Seeing as there are 32 questions the witness has to answer, it sounds a little more detailed and involved then just signing saying you are confirming living arrangements.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:can't you just ask a friend. seems much easier. i just agreed to do this for a friend of mine. does not seem like a huge favor to me.

Op doesn't have any

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:can't you just ask a friend. seems much easier. i just agreed to do this for a friend of mine. does not seem like a huge favor to me.

OP: Thank you. It's like I am asking him to donate a kidney to me.

I don't want to argue about whether my lawyer is right or wrong. I googled the law and it is apparently required to have a collaborating witness in Virginia. I need to sign a deposition too myself.

My point is this is a relatively straightforward thing. There is no side to be taken. We both agreed to divorce.

He treated me like I am the biggest witch on the planet. He has no right to insult me. He should just say no. That's what I am angry about.