Question for the rich, skinny moms who post judgy remarks about someone's looks/attire on here
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Anonymous
This is me too. But also I'll bite on the OP's primary question. I judge. Not based on purse brand or shoe quality. I think mean thoughts about people who block the flow of traffic (people, cars, or bikes). Why do so many people leave their grocery carts in the middle of the aisle at the store and then appear to NOT NOTICE all the people who are stuck on either side of them waiting politely? I also judge people who smoke. My uncle died of lung cancer from smoking (painfully!) and I can't help but think that anyone smoking is a total idiot. Finally, although I don't notice 30 or 40 extra pounds, once we're into the 80-100 pound range, I judge. I don't buy that allllll these people have a genuine medical condition. It happens, for sure. It just doesn't explain the vast majority of people who are obese. Plus I have too many friends who have lost that much weight and kept it off to believe that most people who are that big simply can't lose it. That kind of thinking (e.g., it can't be done) is just fear of failure talking. It's defeatist. Not reality. So, mostly I feel wonder when I see someone obese. How can someone let themselves get like that and how do they let themselves stay that way? |
Anonymous
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OP here. thanks everyone for giving honest forthright responses. To answer some questions, No, I am not worried about how people on DCUM judge or anything. Honestly (HONESTLY) I never ever have given it a thought when I'm not on DCUM. In my real life, dcum opinions never cross my mind. My OP was because as I'm reading people saying things like "if you have fat arms, cover them up. they're gross and I don't like looking at them" or "I think you're trying too hard when you have a fake purse" or comments like that. It occurred to me that wow, I am probably one of those women the poster is referring to. So, that's why I asked the question. And like I said - I really thought no one even notices me or looks twice IRL - they ignore me actually. So, it never occurred to me that someone who appears to be ignoring me is actually thinking "Ugh, she's trying too hard"
Also, I don't know that I'd say I don't dress to fit my shape. I've had people (in the office, in the neighborhood) compliment my clothes and say I "put myself together nice" but I dress within my budget. It seemed the thread tended to focus on my weight (or being fat) and yes that's part of it, but I was also asking about me getting a cheaper version of what you get. When I see someone dressed nice with a gorgeous purse or shoes or jewelery, I do admire it and want something that looks similar (but in my price range) i just can't spend an entire paycheck on a purse. But if I like the look or style, and then see a knock-off at Marshalls or Ross, I'll get it because I like the way it looks. Thanks again everyone. It sounds like for the most part, my thinking is right in that we don't give each other a judgy thought outside of DCUM. |
Anonymous
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I do wonder how people let themselves go and get overweight (more than say 20lbs). I don't understand how people can allow their health to slip and have all that extra fat hanging off their body.
I wonder if you are only in your 30s and 40s and are already 20, 30, 40lbs if it occurs to you what a physical mess you are going to be at 50, 60, and 70. I wonder if you have children and if it bothers you that you might not be around for them very long when they reach adulthood, or if you are around if you will have limited mobility and energy for them. |
Anonymous
I do wonder why people like you don't have enough empathy to put yourself in someone else's shoes and realize not everyone is perfect at every single aspect of their lives. I do wonder why people like you think just because you can manage something perfectly, everybody else must be held to the same standard. I wonder whether people like are capable of teaching empathy to your kids when it's a skill you clearly struggle with. |
Anonymous
| My guess is that these people have been overweight their entire lives. Sure, some have the themselves go, but in my experience, many have always been overweight and have no idea how to eat properly. My experience is based on family members, and close friends who are overweight. |
Anonymous
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Here's the thing OP: to many in this area, it never once occurred to them to be nice without effort. Nor did it occur to them that those who are naturally nice do so without effort. Instead, they see it as an opportunity to have a doormat.
When we travel home to visit, amongst successful, intelligent, educated and (gasp!) nice people, I have to shift my thinking. I return here to really p*ssed off people that would never admit it. They compare themselves to the Joneses constantly, to no avail. They will always be disappointed in themselves, but not nearly as much as their own parents are disappointed in them. It is okay to be happy. Maybe you have a nice life and are grateful. Maybe you have know so many losses that (likely) you have better coping mechanisms than most here. It seems I have met two types of people in this area: either people from podunk who tend to be the comparing themselves to the Joneses type and will never be happy; or the ones you describe - they are NEVER in all of my experiences and years the same. EVER. The two groups do not overlap. The group you describe have very different problems than the keep up with the Joneses kind. Which is why you do not see them hang out together. The group you describe, in my experience is the nicest, and I would choose them in a heartbeat. But I need to clear this up- the group you describe is not exactly the same as the ones I encounter. The "rich" "skinny" moms I know are friendly and happy. Most important, they could care less about what anyone else is doing, but they are STILL friendly and happy. They don't pretend not to see you, for example. I think it is a class distinction (NOT a money distinction). You would never know they are "rich" (some with an insane amount of money). For example, they dress humbly(nice but humbly); have a self effacing sense of humor; and they do not wear their nice jewelry unless they are going somewhere formal that actually warrants it. Why? Because they can afford to. They are here to impress NO one. The unhappy ones pretend they are "too busy" (L-A-Z-Y) for others, are needy and not very loyal. It is a lower class epidemic. They have no right to be so p*ssed off because if they wanted to, they could work harder, but they do not apply themselves. It never occurred to them that the other group does not owe them. [As an aside, I am not talking about tiger mom this or that, I am talking about the adults and their responsibility to contribute to society instead of take, take, take. Not everything is one way, but they don't get ahead because they are too stupid to realize this.] Sorry for the long post, but you asked. Cue the lower class feigning ignorance here. |
Anonymous
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PP, overweight comes in different forms - many times the weight is caused by an illness, the weight is kept on as a result of treatment, etc. It is a very vicious cycle. I am not saying this is true in all cases, just trying to enlighten you.
Not everyone can be glam all the time (if someone was glam at the pool I would say they have big problems). But hey, this is D.C. - Ugly Hollywood - so it really doesn't matter all that much. The bar is pretty low. |
Anonymous
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I judge more for someone having a fake bag then being 20 lbs overweight. Not because you cannoot or will not buy a designer bag but because its just stupid.
I would rather see someone with a cute Le Sport Sac then trying to pawn off a fake bag. I have many designer bags but I do not judge people without them. I do not drive a luxury car but I like designer handbags and could care less about what car someone drives. But there is no need to try and impress someone with a fake one because face it...why else would you buy a knock off to try and have people think its real. Just buy something you like. |
Anonymous
Guess what? If I see a cute bag at Marshall's, I might buy it. But I tell you the chances of me not knowing it's a knock off of a bag you're carrying are near 100%. I don't think I'd be "rich" today if I were designer-savvy. |
Anonymous
No no you mis-read my post about "fake bags". I do not care about bags that look like another bag...but I mean going to Georgetown and deliberately buying a fake LV or kate Spade bag and then trying to tell people its real. Thats what I think it sjust dumb. If you have a target bag, Kohls, etc. I see nothing wrong with non-deisgner name brands, just trying to pawn off a fake one for being real. |
Anonymous
| I have fake (small) bags and real (big and designer $$$$$) bags. I have not been able to find the model I like in the small size. What do you care? Do you scrutinize bags but pretend not to care? Seriously? Wow. |
Anonymous
I truly have no idea what you are asking with your post? Scrutinize bags and not care? Yes I can tell if a fake is a fake if thats what you are asking. And yes I will silently judge you for trying to tell me its real if you do. Do I care that much to make it a hobby...no but I can tell and I think trying to convince people a fake bag is real is stupid in my opinion. Whats the point in buying a knock off for $50 (bc yes the knock offs are not that cheap). And for someone who HAS real bags I have no clue why you would ever buy a fake one? |
Anonymous
| These posts sound so shallow. I could not care less about what bag someone is carrying or what car they are driving. My best friend drives old cars. She is worth quite a lot. But it is not my business to ask her about her money or her assets. She happens to be good with money and she has earned every penny. She also happens to be nice and genuine, and would not stab me in the back, which is why we are friends. She is skinny and pretty also. According to your posts, I should hate this woman because she has things I do not? I don't think she would call anyone, even a stranger, fat - that is the kind of person she is, and that is why I spend time with her. What is wrong with you people? Why are you so angry that you look for trouble? You don't sound like grown adults to me. |
Anonymous
Since you ask I will try to give my experience. I was like you I just thought fat people ate too much and didn't care enough. I was always thin. But not naturally - I ate healthy and exercised. Then my dad got sick and my son was diagnosed with a disability all the same week - oh and I turned 40 and my doctor had me try a new medications. Well 6 months later I was 20-30 lbs heavier. EEK - my doctor took me off the medication and said don't worry about it the weight will fall right off - well 6 months later it did not. So I did weight watchers and worked out - and well 2 years later I was still over weight by 25 lbs - that is 3 full years of being overweight. I tried everything - WW, bootcamps, running 5K's, organic food, Atkins, etc. Part of me thinks that Karma was giving a big kick in the ass. I lost all but 10 lbs because the stress in my life is much lower and I actually sleep at night. It was a 3 year lesson but I feel like a better person for it... and if i had to choose I would rather be overweight than judgemental. |
Anonymous
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Tell me where you live, PP. We will bring all of our bags over for your authentication and approval. It will be like that antiques show. Pffffft. Puleeese.
If anyone lies to you about their bag, it is because they don't care what you think. Dumba$$. |