Do you secretly resent DH for not making enough money for you to be a SAHM?
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Anonymous
| I resent my ex for rarely paying child support on time or the amount he is supposed to. Nothing happens to him for this unless it goes on for 6+ months and he knows it. A bit off topic but that's why I resent my ex. Oh and he can call at the last minute (or not show up) when it is his ONE DAY to visit every other weekend. I resent that too. I feel better now. |
Anonymous
| Just the opposite here. My DH makes a ton of money. I stay a home and my kids are in middle school. I secretly resent all of the time he spends at the office. Money isn't everything. |
Anonymous
Agreed! |
Anonymous
| Not at all. I stopped looking for work even though we can't really afford it. I made slightly less than him and most of my paycheck went to daycare before I lost my job. I hope he doesn't start to resent ME for staying home. |
Anonymous
| I was laid off a few weeks after our third was born and did not look for work. DH is in a very high stress position and works a lot but did not make a ton more than I did. Meanwhile my position was fairly flexible but I was still doing both jobs and really burnt out. We had a hard time for a little while, I was pretty lonely for adult company at first and with three under four, it was really hard. It has been a year now and I miss my income and ability to randomly buy shoes or clothing but I am glad that I am focusing solely on one job and doing it to the best of my ability. DH is really a fantastic father and is 100% there when he is home which is helpful. I definitely used to resent him though before being laid off and it wasn't a great feeling. I am glad our circumstances changed. |
Anonymous
Not bizarre at all. See it as the positive outcome of the feminist movement, women like knowing they have the CHOICE of working or staying at home. Or, at least the wish to stay at home. |
Anonymous
Do men have such CHOICES or at least, WISHES? |
Anonymous
| give the OP a break, I think we all have feelings that we intellectually know aren't "right" but we sometimes have them anyway - thus posting on an anonymous board to have a chance to vent in a safe (ha, ha) atmosphere |
Anonymous
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My husband could make more but has made it clear that he is not interested in advancement opportunities that involve more money but also longer hours. We share all the tasks related to the kids and the house, and for that I am very grateful.
I am not interested in being a SAHM. I do wish he made more so that I can find a job I enjoy more--my current one is fine, I don't love it, but it pays well. We can't really afford for me to take a lower paying or part-time job right now. Which is a bummer but I don't resent him for it. |
Anonymous
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Primary bread winner, flexible job and I have amazing benefits.
My office would let me go part time but we can't afford it. |
Anonymous
I don't know, ask your DH. I know my DH would love to stay home with our daughter. Like me, he doesn't have a spouse who makes enough to be the sole breadwinner. LOL. Neither of us resents the other, I think that's probably a stronger word than I'd use. That doesn't mean we don't both openly acknowledge that we wish our financial realities were different. We are blessed to both have well-paying 40-45hr/wk jobs, although neither of us love what we do. Doesn't mean I wouldn't love to have $5M dropped in my lap so that I had more options regarding where to put my time and energy. |
Anonymous
MY DH would go insane if he stayed at home. He genuinely loves what he does and loves that he is the primary breadwinner (I work too). He just has this traditional, old school need to be the provider/caretaker of women. He takes care of everyone. For example, we live a ten min walk from a safe metro stop on the red line. If a girlfriend of mine is over visiting and takes metro, he will drive her all the way home, instead of just putting her on the train. Here is the kind of stuff he does: He keeps my car gassed up. I have not taken out the trash in the almost 10 years that we've been together more than 3 times (when he's been away and trash day came up). He does most of the laundry He deals with any home maintenance issues and coordinates work on the house He consults me for my opinion and makes sure I agree with what he is doing but deals with all bill paying, tax preparing and financial planning He wants me to be able to stay home when the timing is right because he knows I do not get as much satisfaction out of working that he does. Yikes, I guess when I start thinking hard about how great he is, I have it pretty good! |
Anonymous
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My DH is the breadwinner, I SAH with our 3 children (2 school age, one toddler) and we employ a part-time nanny/housekeeper.
I not-so-secretly resent the hours he works, the constant Blackberry monitoring when he is home and the conference calls on the weekends (they are occasional, but they get on my nerves because family time is so limited.) He does not hang out with his buddies or keep time consuming hobbies, so really all of his time not working is with us. He adores the kids and stays home late enough in the mornings to see them off to school. Typically, he'll get home after bedtime about 3 times a week. If he makes it home before bedtime, it is an hour, 2 if we're lucky. We cherish vacations and are bummed that snow didn't force all inside together at least once this winter! 
SAH is what I wanted - DH was supportive either way. I do miss the autonomy and have struggled with the lack of adult interaction, intellectual stimulation, sense of accomplishment, etc. I was on a fast career track prior to kids, working long hours, traveling all around the country - slamming the brakes on that to stay home and raise a child was a huge transition for me. But, in the end, I felt - and still feel, that this arrangement was best for my kids (don't care if that sounds 1950s to you). We checked out the best of the best daycares/nannies - and nothing felt right - nothing seemed even close to what I wanted for them. So here we are. Not perfect, but doing the best we can. |
Anonymous
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DH makes $100K/yr and I stay at home with 2 kids.
I am very happy this way, however the tradeoff is that I worry about getting back in the workforce when both children go to school. Enjoy what you have and don't fret too much. |
Anonymous
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Yes.
I also kind of resent myself, for not making more since I am working anyway. I AM glad I am not in some soul-less job making people feel bad about themselves to sell something they don't need or ripping people off in a courthouse somewhere. |