Do you secretly resent DH for not making enough money for you to be a SAHM?

[Anonymous]

No. I have no desire to stay home.

I would resent the hell out of him if he worked in one of those jobs that paid well but had insane hours or no flexiblity. I want him to coparent with me and be a part of his children's lives, and many dads in this town just aren't.

[Anonymous]

No. I want us to be partners and equals. I do resent that he doesn't make as much as I do, especially because I think he takes my (not ridiculously high) salary for granted. But I'd never resent him for not creating inequality in our lives.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Nope. For a variety of reasons I *could* stay home if I wanted to, but I have no interested in being home FT - it's not right for me.

And if DH made a ton more, he would also probably be working even more than he already does, leaving even more of the house/life management stuff for me to do.

So while it would - of course - be great to have more money, that almost never comes without strings, and I wouldn't like the time / family trade offs it would require.

Yup, absentee spouse and father. Ugh trade offs.

Those are not the trade-offs. My DH doesn't make very much money at all, and he's frequently away in the evening and during weekends. Let's not make it sound like a man with available time will necessarily spend it at home.

I'm the first PP. I wasn't trying to imply those are the trade-offs for every family, but those *are* the trade-offs for my family based on our careers (i.e. taking into account his existing career, the jobs where my DH would earn more would mean less time for family.)

[Anonymous]

I sometimes resent my husband for not making more money so that I can work part time. I don't want to SAH full time, but I really wish I didn't work so many hours.

Moreso, I resent my husband for making $30K a year. I understand the job market, but it puts way more stress on me than I am comfortable with, and I get angry about it.

I'd also like to add the caveat that he is wonderful in terms of support and I am very lucky. I try not to be this way. He's a great dad and an amazing husband. It's just hard to be the breadwinner.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I sometimes resent my husband for not making more money so that I can work part time. I don't want to SAH full time, but I really wish I didn't work so many hours.

Moreso, I resent my husband for making $30K a year. I understand the job market, but it puts way more stress on me than I am comfortable with, and I get angry about it.

I'd also like to add the caveat that he is wonderful in terms of support and I am very lucky. I try not to be this way. He's a great dad and an amazing husband. It's just hard to be the breadwinner.

Something all the women on here whining about how they wish their husbands made more so they could SAH would do well to remember.

[Anonymous]

YES! I make the higher salary AND I do everything else. DH gets too frustrated with the kids and can't function. If he is alone with them for more than 30 minutes he is frustrated and its chaos. I live under constant stress being the only one who does anything to make sure they are fed, bathed, go to sleep on time, and get their homework done. I do all the housework while he does maybe 1 or 2 things the entire week.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I sometimes resent my husband for not making more money so that I can work part time. I don't want to SAH full time, but I really wish I didn't work so many hours.

Moreso, I resent my husband for making $30K a year. I understand the job market, but it puts way more stress on me than I am comfortable with, and I get angry about it.

I'd also like to add the caveat that he is wonderful in terms of support and I am very lucky. I try not to be this way. He's a great dad and an amazing husband. It's just hard to be the breadwinner.

Something all the women on here whining about how they wish their husbands made more so they could SAH would do well to remember.

16:00 here - agreed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just curious how people feel about this. I love my DH and he is a great dad. I do not feel like this all the time, but occasionally I feel sadness and slight resentment toward DH that he does not make enough for me to quit my job and be a stay at home mom! This is my confession. I would never admit I feel this way to anyone b/c I think it is terrible. I would never tell DH I feel this way! BUt I really want to be home with my kids and money, of course, is the only reason I can't. I truly appreciate everything DH does but there is still part of me that is resentful! I feel so bad about it!!

No. My mom resented my dad in this way until her career really took off and she realized that she didn't enjoy staying home with us after all.

[Anonymous]

No. Dh makes more than enough $ for me to stay at home, but I don't think that is ever a scenario either of us would be comfortable with.

Putting the financial weight solely on one person would change the great dynamics we have going. I have a very, very flex WAH govt job that has full-benefits and great pay so it would be silly for me to quit it when I can be finished work the same time that the kids get out of school. I also wouldn't know what I would do with all of that time once the flee the nest or start having their own interests and want to hang out with their friends more than me.

Dh does make about 3 times my salary but he is an independent consultant and my govt job provides us with great health benefits and my own personal security. I also love what I do! Co-workers and I joke that we have the 'golden handcuffs' because our job is seriously too good to ever think about leaving. I haven't known a single woman that left (no matter how much their spouses make) in the 16+ years I have been there. Many have dropped down to part-time or now work at home--but I can honestly say I don't know a single one that quit on their own accord.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:YES! I make the higher salary AND I do everything else. DH gets too frustrated with the kids and can't function. If he is alone with them for more than 30 minutes he is frustrated and its chaos. I live under constant stress being the only one who does anything to make sure they are fed, bathed, go to sleep on time, and get their homework done. I do all the housework while he does maybe 1 or 2 things the entire week.

so, why are you still with him? Surely you could have seen this coming before having kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Nope. For a variety of reasons I *could* stay home if I wanted to, but I have no interested in being home FT - it's not right for me.

And if DH made a ton more, he would also probably be working even more than he already does, leaving even more of the house/life management stuff for me to do.

So while it would - of course - be great to have more money, that almost never comes without strings, and I wouldn't like the time / family trade offs it would require.

Yup, absentee spouse and father. Ugh trade offs.

Those are not the trade-offs. My DH doesn't make very much money at all, and he's frequently away in the evening and during weekends. Let's not make it sound like a man with available time will necessarily spend it at home.

Is your husband aways because he has to wrok or is he just the guy who would rather do other things than be home with his family. i ask because i have friend's who's husbands are the later. They couldn't give up their friends and single guy life for the family.

This is why I am a single mom - I couldn't see trying to make a life with the biodad, couldn't give up his friends and single guy life for family. I could resent myself for being involved with a guy like that, but a. at the time I thought I couldn't get pregnant, and b. I love DD so much for exactly who she is that I can't regret one single bit of how that happened.

That said, I am working on starting my own business(es) so I can have more control of my schedule and become a part-time SAHM...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes, I resent it and not always so secretly. We had always planned on me staying at home but my career took off when his didn't. He makes less than half of what I do and his salary barely covers daycare. He's just not suited to be a SAHD though and if he did SAH, I would probably be extremely jealous.

Could have written this myself. Also, even though DH makes way less than me, his hours are longer and he is rarely even home when DS is awake... So not only do I work full time, but I take care of DS by myself as well.

[Anonymous]

another perspective- I am a SAHM, and quit a pretty stressful job to be so. I always worry about the pressure DH feels to succeed at work so we can keep this arrangement working.

[Anonymous]

Anyone else find this thread really strange?

"I want to be a 1950s housewife--and I blame my man for not letting me cook, clean, and be the primary caregiver for our children!!!"

I feel like this thread is a really bizarro-world time warp...

[Anonymous]

PP. what does your DH do that only pays 30k a year?