Do you secretly resent DH for not making enough money for you to be a SAHM?

[Anonymous]

I wish DH would become a SAHD. He's way stressier than I am in his job, and I think he and our DD would love it. He's too damned traditional to do it, though. I'd be happy to ramp up my career to support him, too (I'm currently mommy tracked because I'm the primary caretaker, but I make almost as much as him regardless of that, and could easily make more).

[Anonymous]

"BUt I really want to be home with my kids and money, of course, is the only reason I can't."

How is it DH's fault?

[Anonymous]

Dear God, no!

Why would I risk the financial security of my family by quitting my career? If something were to happen to DH, I could provide food, shelter, and health insurance for my family. I also don't think it's fair to put the financial burden of supporting the family just on one parent. Also, I sincerely believe that I am modeling for my young children that both parents can have fulfilling careers and share parenting and home duties. Not to mention that my graduate degree would totally go to waste.

What I really wish is that both of us could work a little less and earn a little more, but I would never want to SAH FT.

[Anonymous]

No because I would not make a good SAHM

[Anonymous]

I could have written your post. I adore my DH, but yes, would love to SAH without a major change in our lifestyle. Meaning, we could afford for me to SAH if we left the Beltway and moved to Manassas or something. DH would never see his child, but I would SAH. That's not a change we are willing to make but yes I so so so would love to SAH and wish terribly that he suddenly doubled his salary.

[Anonymous]

I wish he were a better handy man or made more money so I could hire one.

If I had more money I would spend more money not SAH. My kids are at school all day so I would be home all alone and that would be weird.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Nope. For a variety of reasons I *could* stay home if I wanted to, but I have no interested in being home FT - it's not right for me.

And if DH made a ton more, he would also probably be working even more than he already does, leaving even more of the house/life management stuff for me to do.

So while it would - of course - be great to have more money, that almost never comes without strings, and I wouldn't like the time / family trade offs it would require.

Yup, absentee spouse and father. Ugh trade offs.

[Anonymous]

No. At one point, my husband was offered a job by one of his clients, but it involved too much travel (50%). When he turned it down because of child care issues with him being gone all the time, the guy said "How much would it take for your wife to be able to stay home with the kids? We could double that."

We turned it down. It isn't about money - it is about our family having time together as a family. If I wanted to be a single mom I wouldn't have gotten married.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Nope. For a variety of reasons I *could* stay home if I wanted to, but I have no interested in being home FT - it's not right for me.

And if DH made a ton more, he would also probably be working even more than he already does, leaving even more of the house/life management stuff for me to do.

So while it would - of course - be great to have more money, that almost never comes without strings, and I wouldn't like the time / family trade offs it would require.

Yup, absentee spouse and father. Ugh trade offs.

Those are not the trade-offs. My DH doesn't make very much money at all, and he's frequently away in the evening and during weekends. Let's not make it sound like a man with available time will necessarily spend it at home.

[Anonymous]

Sort of. We could afford for me to stay home but DH is not supportive of the idea and does not see the value. We have a great daycare and our DS is thriving there so he doesn't see how me staying home would be better. He also worries (a legitimate concern) that I would have a really hard time getting back into the workforce after being out for a few years. Sometimes, I am resentful of this because I really would love to stay home. He is a great husband and father, though, so I get over it quickly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Nope. For a variety of reasons I *could* stay home if I wanted to, but I have no interested in being home FT - it's not right for me.

And if DH made a ton more, he would also probably be working even more than he already does, leaving even more of the house/life management stuff for me to do.

So while it would - of course - be great to have more money, that almost never comes without strings, and I wouldn't like the time / family trade offs it would require.

Yup, absentee spouse and father. Ugh trade offs.

Those are not the trade-offs. My DH doesn't make very much money at all, and he's frequently away in the evening and during weekends. Let's not make it sound like a man with available time will necessarily spend it at home.

Is your husband aways because he has to wrok or is he just the guy who would rather do other things than be home with his family. i ask because i have friend's who's husbands are the later. They couldn't give up their friends and single guy life for the family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just curious how people feel about this. I love my DH and he is a great dad. I do not feel like this all the time, but occasionally I feel sadness and slight resentment toward DH that he does not make enough for me to quit my job and be a stay at home mom! This is my confession. I would never admit I feel this way to anyone b/c I think it is terrible. I would never tell DH I feel this way! BUt I really want to be home with my kids and money, of course, is the only reason I can't. I truly appreciate everything DH does but there is still part of me that is resentful! I feel so bad about it!!

I'm sure he resents that you're not independently wealthy too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Nope. For a variety of reasons I *could* stay home if I wanted to, but I have no interested in being home FT - it's not right for me.

And if DH made a ton more, he would also probably be working even more than he already does, leaving even more of the house/life management stuff for me to do.

So while it would - of course - be great to have more money, that almost never comes without strings, and I wouldn't like the time / family trade offs it would require.

Yup, absentee spouse and father. Ugh trade offs.

Those are not the trade-offs. My DH doesn't make very much money at all, and he's frequently away in the evening and during weekends. Let's not make it sound like a man with available time will necessarily spend it at home.

Is your husband aways because he has to wrok or is he just the guy who would rather do other things than be home with his family. i ask because i have friend's who's husbands are the later. They couldn't give up their friends and single guy life for the family.

Two reasons - my DH has dozens of friends who he needs to see now and again, so it goes in waves. He also has a cause to which he is devoted, and that eats up his time but produces no money to speak of.

[Anonymous]

Yes, I resent it and not always so secretly. We had always planned on me staying at home but my career took off when his didn't. He makes less than half of what I do and his salary barely covers daycare. He's just not suited to be a SAHD though and if he did SAH, I would probably be extremely jealous.

[Anonymous]

I don't resent that DH doesn't make enough money so that I could stay home. I do, however, feel a little annoyed that he makes a lot less than I do when I think he could be making more if he had been a little more ambitious when he was younger. He made a few dumb career decisions before we were married and has been making up for it since. Honestly, I can't say I "resent" him for it, it's just something that is a challenge for us. We just had our first child and want to have more, but it's just not in the cards until we can afford more space and more childcare. That said, he's a really involved father and a very supportive spouse. Money isn't everything.