Do you secretly resent DH for not making enough money for you to be a SAHM?
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Anonymous
| Just curious how people feel about this. I love my DH and he is a great dad. I do not feel like this all the time, but occasionally I feel sadness and slight resentment toward DH that he does not make enough for me to quit my job and be a stay at home mom! This is my confession. I would never admit I feel this way to anyone b/c I think it is terrible. I would never tell DH I feel this way! BUt I really want to be home with my kids and money, of course, is the only reason I can't. I truly appreciate everything DH does but there is still part of me that is resentful! I feel so bad about it!! |
Anonymous
| yes |
Anonymous
| God, no! I feel guilty that I do not make as much as DH. That comes from a) pride and b) wishing we could buy a house sooner in the neighborhood we want. |
Anonymous
| no, i do not resent him. That being said, I wish he or I made more money--not to be a SAHM but to be able to either afford a private school or move to a place with decent private schools, or to be able to afford to renovate or crappy home to sell it to move, etc...or simply not to be always worrying about money--about the fact that we are neither saving for retirement or college. what scares me is that DH is in a sunset industry, and he's getting older, and the jobs drying up, and I fear unemployment more than anything. So for the moment, fingers crossed.... |
Anonymous
| How about you make more money so DH can stay home with the kids? Maybe he secretly resents you. |
Anonymous
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Nope. For a variety of reasons I *could* stay home if I wanted to, but I have no interested in being home FT - it's not right for me.
And if DH made a ton more, he would also probably be working even more than he already does, leaving even more of the house/life management stuff for me to do. So while it would - of course - be great to have more money, that almost never comes without strings, and I wouldn't like the time / family trade offs it would require. |
Anonymous
OP here -- maybe he DOES!! i have no idea. I think maybe he does. |
Anonymous
this kind of s#$t keeps me up at night, it did last night |
Anonymous
| OP here, the only thing is that usually (in this unfair world) men make more money than women. |
Anonymous
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Yes, but only because he expects to live the life of a man with a SAHW. I work longer hours than he does, make more money than he does, and take care of everything at home. He tells me I should stop doing stuff around the house if it stresses me out. Apparently, he thinks we will all just fend for ourselves... like our 1yo knows how to make food, do laundry/dishes, bathe herself.
So, yes. I resent that I still have to work AND provide him with the lifestyle that his dad had. But because I work, I know that I have the option to walk out. Sometimes that is very tempting. |
Anonymous
I woke up this morning a little bummed about this too. |
Anonymous
Mine does not-so-secretly (well, he's not really resentful, but he would LOVE to stay home if I had a job with good enough benefits to allow him to do it, and isn't shy about reminding me of that whenever a potential job lead presents itself!) We make about the same salary dollar-wise, but his benefits are far, far better than mine and we'd be out several grand a year if we had to switch everyone over to mine, sadly...not gonna happen. |
Anonymous
| No secret resentments in my house. DH is a SAHD. |
Anonymous
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I wish he made more, heck I wish I made more too, because it would be nice to have more money and not have to stress about things so much. I also don't love my job and would love the flexibility to not work or to take a lower paying job i loved. So while yes i wish he made more I wouldn’t say i resent him for it.
On the flip side I have numerous friends whose husbands make a lot more. Some of they don't work. As a trade off their husbands are never around to help with the kids, they often work weekends, travel for work and so forth. My husband makes less and works for the government but he is home every weekend, home from work by 5:30pm (he does daycare drop off I do pick up most days) and an equal partner in parenting. If he had a high paying job and I was stuck home with the kids ALL the time including weekends THEN I would resent him. |
Anonymous
| No, but I wish I had saved more when I was single and childless in order to afford to stay home on one salary now. |