7 Year Old Stealing

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:^^^ OP, is that you?

Any reason you're only responding to people you find unhelpful, but not those that have offered advice? This all feels eerily familiar.

Is there a reason you don't want to take your daughter to a therapist? Or, have you already done so? What did they say? I'm honestly trying to help you here, since you've come back for seconds despite that awful thread from a year ago. I assume you're really worried about DD. I would be.

I'm the person who responded regarding kleptomania. I've also said that OP's daughter needs therapy. And that OP is too hard on her. People can have emotional problems that result in behaviors like stealing but that doesn't mean they have some sort of sensational diagnosis like "kleptomania." Stop watching soap operas.

I'm the PP you quoted, but not the person who suggested kleptomania. I thought I was talking to OP, I addressed my post to her. My bad. But thanks for the advice

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, it sounds like you just don't like your daughter very much. We all recognize that our children have faults, but you just seem annoyed with her. I hope I'm wrong, but that is why you are getting such heat. I remember your thread from last year, and my heart broke for your daughter.

Again with the judgments. Spare me. Of course I'm annoyed with her. Apparently you can't distinguish between not liking what's she's done and not liking her. If that's how you approach parenting, my heart breaks for your kids.

I can distinguish between not liking what she's doing and not liking her. I remember from your last thread that you disliked that your daughter enjoyed taking in milk a little bit too much for her liking. I can see no reason for getting so bent out of shape for absurd things like enjoying her bottle and eating too much if you don't like her to begin with. Kind of like you wouldn't get worked up about a comment made by your best friend, but if your annoying MIL said the exact same thing it you'd get riled up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, it sounds like you just don't like your daughter very much. We all recognize that our children have faults, but you just seem annoyed with her. I hope I'm wrong, but that is why you are getting such heat. I remember your thread from last year, and my heart broke for your daughter.

Again with the judgments. Spare me. Of course I'm annoyed with her. Apparently you can't distinguish between not liking what's she's done and not liking her. If that's how you approach parenting, my heart breaks for your kids.

I can distinguish between not liking what she's doing and not liking her. I remember from your last thread that you disliked that your daughter enjoyed taking in milk a little bit too much for her liking. I can see no reason for getting so bent out of shape for absurd things like enjoying her bottle and eating too much if you don't like her to begin with. Kind of like you wouldn't get worked up about a comment made by your best friend, but if your annoying MIL said the exact same thing it you'd get riled up.

for *your* liking, sorry...I still remember you complaining about the "drunken sailor" look on her face.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:i haven't read the entire thread, but is there any chance that this is about food and not the stealing?

what are her other food behaviors like? could this be a medical thing? maybe the poor kids needs to be tested for diabetes. just another perspective.

That was what I thought when the thread came up last year, but I assume OP has looked into this issue. And, it really doesn't sound like it to me. Sounds like her DD has something else going on. Maybe the beginning of an eating disorder. My sister did stuff like this starting in middle school, ended up with full fledged anorexia by the time she was in 8th grade. Awful. A lot of different behaviors were involved, including stealing, hoarding, eating junk but nothing else, hiding things, lying, etc. She had some very serious emotional problems and still does as an adult. OP I urge you to bring your daughter to a psychologist now before this gets any worse.

OP has made it clear that she'd rather solve the problem with hitting than therapy.

[Anonymous]

Sigh.

[Anonymous]

My daughter has a great many very positive character traits. She's fun, outgoing and friendly in a way that's very engaging. Even though she can't stop socializing[/b[b]] in class, her teachers are generally fond of her because she has a sunny disposition

this is just based on an internet post but i cannot help feeling that even your 'praise' of your daughter comes across as forced and ambivalent and i think it is the sense of a critical withholding response to your daughter that a lot of the posters responded tolast time you posted. i mean, why qualify her teachers' fondness? i remember last year's post and i still think there are power struggles at play here between you and your daughter. maybe she senses that your feelings about her(esp compared to her siblings) are more, let's say, complex and she is acting out unconsciously? not saying this is all your fault but i am willing to bet there are family issues of power, control, rejection, disapproval/criticism at play here. perhaps she has a strong personality and exhibits behaviour around food that you not only find worrying but at some level deeply disapprove of and it shapes your feelings toward and interactions with your daughter...or maybe the food is her expression of independence from your criticism, her unconscious rebellion....if you are totally honest with yourself, are your feelings about your daughter more critical or less unambiguous than your other kids?

at least this is what caused me at age 8 or so to steal food...i wish we had family therapy then instead of me waiting thru overeating, then anorexia and another 20 years before seeing someone on my own.

at any rate her behavior is unacceptable and while shame may put and end to it a visit to a therapist might not hurt to see if the underlying roots can be addressed...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, it sounds like you just don't like your daughter very much. We all recognize that our children have faults, but you just seem annoyed with her. I hope I'm wrong, but that is why you are getting such heat. I remember your thread from last year, and my heart broke for your daughter.

Again with the judgments. Spare me. Of course I'm annoyed with her. Apparently you can't distinguish between not liking what's she's done and not liking her. If that's how you approach parenting, my heart breaks for your kids.

I can distinguish between not liking what she's doing and not liking her. I remember from your last thread that you disliked that your daughter enjoyed taking in milk a little bit too much for her liking. I can see no reason for getting so bent out of shape for absurd things like enjoying her bottle and eating too much if you don't like her to begin with. Kind of like you wouldn't get worked up about a comment made by your best friend, but if your annoying MIL said the exact same thing it you'd get riled up.

for *your* liking, sorry...I still remember you complaining about the "drunken sailor" look on her face.

Yeah, that's what got me too about last year's thread. That OP thought it was wrong that her child enjoyed her bottle so much.

[Anonymous]

I'm afraid to give my advice but here goes.

1.If this was my child, I would not spank her. period. ever. That is just you losing control and hitting a young child. It might make an impact but really? Is this what you want her to remember about you? You yourself said that you didn't want to do it so don't. You will just feel like crap and so will she.

2. I would definitely give her some harsh consequences and have a very serious talk with her. Only you know what is really important to her and will hurt the most in terms of losing it. There have been some good ideas. When you talk to her, listen. Ask questions. and listen. Don't just talk at her.


3. I would talk to the guidance counselor and get some input from her/him. Maybe she will have some ideas on how to help it stop, maybe not but, at the very least, she could arrange a lunch bunch where your daughter can invite friends and there will be no stealing on those days for sure. Perhaps it could be an opportunity to discus such topics as a group without pointing any fingers.

4. If you aren't currently working or could get away for a little bit, you could go to her lunch. Most schools have a pretty "open door policy" for coming to lunch with your kid, especially if you are working the lunchroom and helping all the kids with what they need.

5. If things don't get better, then perhaps therapy.

[Anonymous]

13:34 again. As other people have said, definitely have your child apologize to each of the people that she stole from. This is a very important step. If possible be by her side when this happens and let the parents know she (and you even though it isn't your fault) are very sorry. And, make sure your daughter earns the money to pay them back.

[Anonymous]

are you sure you're feeding your child enough? (I only read p. 1 of the thread, sorry)
but when I was in elementary school, I always polished off all my friends' lunches (with their permission) just because I was hungry. (I grew early, was the tallest in the class in 6th grade, and a regular school lunch wasn't nearly enough)

[Anonymous]

I was spanked when I was a child and this is absolutely not true. I remember being naughty and remember my parents explaining exactly what I did wrong, what I was supposed to have done and what the consequences were, besides getting spanked.

My brother got spanked over falsifying my mom's signature in a school communication sheet. I will never forget my mom crying telling him that if he ever became a swindler it would not be because she didn't teach him any better. She spanked him and went back to school with him the next day and made him apologize to the teacher and the principal. He also took extra chores at home that entire month.

He was 9 years of age.

I remember being spanked for lying regarding an assignment I was supposed to turn in and forgot. Instead of just owning my mistake I made up a story and my mom found out later on. Again, a spank, apology and extra chores.

We both learned that our behavior was unacceptable and never ever held it against my parents. They did their best and thanks to them we're today happy, successful, productive members of society.

A deserved spank is not abuse.

Anonymous wrote:I'm afraid to give my advice but here goes.

1.If this was my child, I would not spank her. period. ever. That is just you losing control and hitting a young child. It might make an impact but really? Is this what you want her to remember about you? You yourself said that you didn't want to do it so don't. You will just feel like crap and so will she.

2. I would definitely give her some harsh consequences and have a very serious talk with her. Only you know what is really important to her and will hurt the most in terms of losing it. There have been some good ideas. When you talk to her, listen. Ask questions. and listen. Don't just talk at her.


3. I would talk to the guidance counselor and get some input from her/him. Maybe she will have some ideas on how to help it stop, maybe not but, at the very least, she could arrange a lunch bunch where your daughter can invite friends and there will be no stealing on those days for sure. Perhaps it could be an opportunity to discus such topics as a group without pointing any fingers.

4. If you aren't currently working or could get away for a little bit, you could go to her lunch. Most schools have a pretty "open door policy" for coming to lunch with your kid, especially if you are working the lunchroom and helping all the kids with what they need.

5. If things don't get better, then perhaps therapy.

[Anonymous]

Regardless of how you feel about spanking, the point is, it's not going to solve her daughters' problems. It's obvious there is more going on here than a failure to understand that stealing is wrong. Discipline isn't going to fix it, IMO.

[Anonymous]

I think a spanking now would be like trying to correct a dog for something it did last week. Punishment like that needs to be timely and swift for full effect, right?

I remember OP too and the previous thread. Seems nothing has changed.

[Anonymous]

Hey PP, I falsified my parents signature too and didn't get spanked for it. I got in school suspension and guess what? I never did it again either. My parents never hit me and I'm
happy, productive, successful member of society too. I'm not saying your parents were bad for spanking you, maybe they didn't realize that you don't have to hit to teach a lesson. I'm sure you are probably hitting your kids too. I just think it is unnecessary.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Hey PP, I falsified my parents signature too and didn't get spanked for it. I got in school suspension and guess what? I never did it again either. My parents never hit me and I'm
happy, productive, successful member of society too. I'm not saying your parents were bad for spanking you, maybe they didn't realize that you don't have to hit to teach a lesson. I'm sure you are probably hitting your kids too. I just think it is unnecessary.

No I'm not spanking my children because they don't need it. I (and so were my brother) was the kind of child that needed it.

Good for you you learned your lesson without it. I would not learn and I thank my parents for being wise and using the correct methods whenever it was necessary.