7 Year Old Stealing

[Anonymous]

I just found out that my 7 year old has been stealing money from others kids' lunch boxes to buy snacks at the cafeteria. Apparently she's done it a number of times and this time got caught. She did the same thing last year and we had a long talk about the importance of honesty and respecting other peoples' property and such. I thought this problem was solved. But now I'm really saddened to learn that she has continued to steal, but to be more sneaky about it and more emphatic when denying she's done it. I'm not sure which is worse, the stealing or the intensity of her denials (before she learned I'd spoken to the teacher to whom she acknowledged taking the money).

In the old days, this would have been dealt with with a firm spanking on the butt. I don't want to do that, but a good friend of mine once told me that she had done the same thing until her mother found out and gave her a pretty hard spanking and she never stole again.

I'm at wits end. I get that she did it because she wanted another sweet (after polishing off her lunch, which included home made cookies) and she's always had much less impulse control than her siblings, but if I don't get her to see that stealing is wrong, where will this behavior lead?

Help!

[Anonymous]

Find a punishment that will hit her hard like working doing chores to pay back everybody she stole from.

And I'd do the spanking too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I just found out that my 7 year old has been stealing money from others kids' lunch boxes to buy snacks at the cafeteria. Apparently she's done it a number of times and this time got caught. She did the same thing last year and we had a long talk about the importance of honesty and respecting other peoples' property and such. I thought this problem was solved. But now I'm really saddened to learn that she has continued to steal, but to be more sneaky about it and more emphatic when denying she's done it. I'm not sure which is worse, the stealing or the intensity of her denials (before she learned I'd spoken to the teacher to whom she acknowledged taking the money).

In the old days, this would have been dealt with with a firm spanking on the butt. I don't want to do that, but a good friend of mine once told me that she had done the same thing until her mother found out and gave her a pretty hard spanking and she never stole again.

I'm at wits end. I get that she did it because she wanted another sweet (after polishing off her lunch, which included home made cookies) and she's always had much less impulse control than her siblings, but if I don't get her to see that stealing is wrong, where will this behavior lead?

Help!

Make her pay back the students she stole from and apologize to them. She is now known as a thief and she isn't going to have any friends and no one will trust her. If there is no punishment , then she will keep stealing knowing that you won't do anything.

[Anonymous]

Pay back her friends and a spanking. PLUS, no TV, video games or playdates for a month! I know it sounds harsh, but that is the second time she has done this and you REALLY have to get it across her that stealing is wrong (and illegal!). Also OP, if that happens again, I would put her in therapy or at least talk to a psychologist to guide me on how to handle his the best way to nip it in the bud.

My MIL took my husband to the police station and they played along and gave him a hard talk (he was about your daughter's age and stole a candy from the grocery store while they were shopping).

[Anonymous]

When I used to work with at-risk kids, one of the people I trained with always said that one of the worst things in terms of punishment for a kid is being known as a thief and a liar and all that comes with that...i.e. not being trusted. So, I agree with PP that is a pretty significant consequence and can be used for saying no to all kinds of things that she wants to do independently. Make her earn back your trust and give in a bit at a time. Also have her do chores to pay back the money. Also, if you aren't satisfied with the treat you got in your box, I guess no sweets for a while.

[Anonymous]

I did some petty shoplifting, and one time I was caught, and when the grocery store called the police and my dad, then I finally stopped. I'm not proud of it, but me and my older sister did it after school. My mom had died earlier, and we were alone after school while my dad worked. I don't really blame my older sister cause I knew it was wrong, but anyway once the police got involved, that scare the shi! out of me, and I never did it again.

[Anonymous]

This is the second year that you are dealing with this, it is time for her to earn the money to pay these kids back. Cleaning her room, loading the dishwasher, whatever the case.

[Anonymous]

" but if I don't get her to see that stealing is wrong, where will this behavior lead? "

Prison.

[Anonymous]

I stole a candy bar from a store when I was about 7. My mom paid the store owner, then asked him if I could clean the shelves. An hour and a half of wiping shelves. Then I had to earn the money to pay her back by weeding at the rate of two weeds worth one cent. I think it was pretty effective. Definitely make her earn the money to pay people back. I'd suggest offering to have her go to the kids houses that she stole from and do chores for them. Then seperately earn the money back from you.

[Anonymous]

If I remember you, OP, your post last year centered around the fact that your daughter always steals food and money for food. Nothing else. Is this still the case?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If I remember you, OP, your post last year centered around the fact that your daughter always steals food and money for food. Nothing else. Is this still the case?

Yes, I thought I remembered her too!! Something about she steals milk too..? Or stole the food FROM the lunches? That was a pretty hot thread, IIRC, and most of the opinions seemed to be that Mom was restricting her too much at home and so she was stealing at school to indulge.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If I remember you, OP, your post last year centered around the fact that your daughter always steals food and money for food. Nothing else. Is this still the case?

Yes, I thought I remembered her too!! Something about she steals milk too..? Or stole the food FROM the lunches? That was a pretty hot thread, IIRC, and most of the opinions seemed to be that Mom was restricting her too much at home and so she was stealing at school to indulge.

+1

[Anonymous]

Yep. She used the word "sneaky" then too.

[Anonymous]

Have you been to a therapist yet?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If I remember you, OP, your post last year centered around the fact that your daughter always steals food and money for food. Nothing else. Is this still the case?

Yes, I thought I remembered her too!! Something about she steals milk too..? Or stole the food FROM the lunches? That was a pretty hot thread, IIRC, and most of the opinions seemed to be that Mom was restricting her too much at home and so she was stealing at school to indulge.

Yep, and we spoke to her doctor about whether we were restricting her food too much. Her doctor's take was that she's just a kid who enjoys eating, that eventually she'll learn to eat less on her own, but that we should not allow her to eat herself until she's stuffed all the time (which she still does, especially if she likes the dish).

When last year's incident of stealing broke out, we increased her lunch sizes and added two fruits in addition to dessert. We also gave her the option of buying her snacks in the cafeteria a couple of times a week instead of having a homemade made dessert included (thinking it might be the novelty of buying things on her own that she was missing). She has insisted (until now) that she prefers the homemade desserts. And she often brings home partially eaten lunches and uneaten apples and bananas.

This is not an issue of hunger. It's lack of impulse control and lack of consideration for the other kids whose money she stole. The kicker is that she's got at least $50 sitting in her piggy bank in her room and we've repeatedly told her she can take $1 a day to buy a snack from the cafeteria if she wants, instead of the cookies from home. She hasn't wanted to do that. Apparently, stealing other kids' money is better because it results in two desserts.