7 Year Old Stealing

[Anonymous]

21:27, Just saw your post.

Well, I think as long as you are happy to take the chance. I mean, your daughter can learn the lesson without food being taken away and it MAY trigger an eating disorder. I suppose it'll be a comfort when you are watching your daughter starve herself to death that you really stuck it to some anonymous strangers on a a message board.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote: Why are you posting for advice if anyone with any experience with food issues is immediately disqualified from giving any kind of useful input? What on earth are you looking for? Everyone agrees that you are approaching this all wrong. Please educate yourself on the damaging use of food as punishment/reward. Your daughter may not have an eating disorder, but she is certainly is at risk for one.

Please find a therapist. I hope that you can prove everyone here wrong, and that there is nothing wrong with you and your kid, and we've just grossly misunderstood your parenting technique.

And BTW, you realize that there are many, many people telling you to tread carefully, right? It's not just one person ("harpy") fueling five pages of banter.

As I've said, the many (three?) people on here are not more informed than the people who know, teach and care for my DD. I'm posting on here to find some useful information and, hopefully, anecdotes from other parents whose kids did this and it turned out to be a passing phase! Nothing would provide more relief. And if this was so clearly an issue requiring immediate therapy, why aren't we hearing that advice from the professionals that work with kids and know the signs? Why are they telling us they don't think this looks like anything serious based on their many years of experience? If it's so obvious to anyone who doesn't need therapy, why isn't it obvious to them, the people who actually know our family?

I am not interested in proving you or anyone else wrong. This is not about you. Well, your comments are, but my question was not.

But since you asked me, why are you on here? You clearly are not here to offer useful advice. I'm sure you know that the fastest way to end effective communication with someone is to start flame throwing and calling names. And accusing me of trying to harm my child? What kind of person enjoys making such accusations? It doesn't take therapy to know that such an accusation will only result in anger, but you did it almost right off the bat. Which means that you weren't trying to communicate with me. So what were you trying to do? It's come across like venting anger. Maybe these are all things you wished you'd said to whomever you blame for not handling your food issues better when you were younger, but it's time to find another (hopefully more productive) outlet. I would suggest that if you had severe food issues, maybe you should avoid offering advice to other people on that issue. You have trouble doing so in a reasoned manner. And it also makes you more prone to jump to conclusions if you think you see anything that parallels your own experiences.

[Anonymous]

Maybe you meant to quote a different post?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: Why are you posting for advice if anyone with any experience with food issues is immediately disqualified from giving any kind of useful input? What on earth are you looking for? Everyone agrees that you are approaching this all wrong. Please educate yourself on the damaging use of food as punishment/reward. Your daughter may not have an eating disorder, but she is certainly is at risk for one.

Please find a therapist. I hope that you can prove everyone here wrong, and that there is nothing wrong with you and your kid, and we've just grossly misunderstood your parenting technique.

And BTW, you realize that there are many, many people telling you to tread carefully, right? It's not just one person ("harpy") fueling five pages of banter.

As I've said, the many (three?) people on here are not more informed than the people who know, teach and care for my DD. I'm posting on here to find some useful information and, hopefully, anecdotes from other parents whose kids did this and it turned out to be a passing phase! Nothing would provide more relief. And if this was so clearly an issue requiring immediate therapy, why aren't we hearing that advice from the professionals that work with kids and know the signs? Why are they telling us they don't think this looks like anything serious based on their many years of experience? If it's so obvious to anyone who doesn't need therapy, why isn't it obvious to them, the people who actually know our family?

I am not interested in proving you or anyone else wrong. This is not about you. Well, your comments are, but my question was not.

But since you asked me, why are you on here? You clearly are not here to offer useful advice. I'm sure you know that the fastest way to end effective communication with someone is to start flame throwing and calling names. And accusing me of trying to harm my child? What kind of person enjoys making such accusations? It doesn't take therapy to know that such an accusation will only result in anger, but you did it almost right off the bat. Which means that you weren't trying to communicate with me. So what were you trying to do? It's come across like venting anger. Maybe these are all things you wished you'd said to whomever you blame for not handling your food issues better when you were younger, but it's time to find another (hopefully more productive) outlet. I would suggest that if you had severe food issues, maybe you should avoid offering advice to other people on that issue. You have trouble doing so in a reasoned manner. And it also makes you more prone to jump to conclusions if you think you see anything that parallels your own experiences.

[Anonymous]

This woman is completely off he rocker. She was last year and she is now. She is looking for nothing but a fight. Sadly, I think the real issue is her and not the daughter.

[Anonymous]

Have her earn the money through chores to pay the kids back. Ask the school to not allow her to purchase snacks or desserts for a month, none packed either. Ask the school to give her a related job like helping clean in the lunchroom or helping pass out napkins. If it continues or happens again in other ways (stealing toys on playdates) time to take her to see a therapist, work thru.

[Anonymous]

OP, what is the point of posting? Both this year and last year you challenge any and all posters. There isn't a single poster whose advice you accept and thank. There's no dialogue here, no growing consensus, no feeling that you are getting anything from posting. Why do you post about this situation? It's a situation that's also highly personal and if anyone knows your child they are going to recognize her. Also, knowing DCUM, people ARE going to cross-examine, take things out of context, and blow things out of proportion. It's the nature of DCUM. You can't come here just looking for validation. So really, what is the point here?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, what is the point of posting? Both this year and last year you challenge any and all posters. There isn't a single poster whose advice you accept and thank. There's no dialogue here, no growing consensus, no feeling that you are getting anything from posting. Why do you post about this situation? It's a situation that's also highly personal and if anyone knows your child they are going to recognize her. Also, knowing DCUM, people ARE going to cross-examine, take things out of context, and blow things out of proportion. It's the nature of DCUM. You can't come here just looking for validation. So really, what is the point here?

I was wondering the same thing. I know nothing about food disorders or seven year olds (my DD is 9 months), so no comment on the issue at hand, but as I was reading I kept thinking that I didn't understand why the OP bothered posting about this issue if she was going to immediately get cranky and bicker with almost everyone who replied to her post. I guess she only wants to hear from those who will tell her not to worry, it's just a phase, etc.?

[Anonymous]

PP here - OP, it sounds like you don't intend to take her to a therapist, but I would recommend at least consulting with one a few times to discuss the situation with your DD - you don't necessarily need to bring your DD at this point.

[Anonymous]

To OP, is your biggest concern the stealing or the food issues? If it's the stealing then I think making her apologize and earn back the money is appropriate. (I stole with my friends at the drugstore, slipping lipgloss and eye shadow in my purse. I never got caught but when my friends kept doing it over and over I opted out because I was so scared about getting caught...I never stole again but I do know that my friends continued to steal for the thrill of it I guess) And then, maybe have your daughter do a chore to earn money and then use that money to buy dessert. Let her choose how much if you don't see this as an eating disorder. Don't send in your desserts, let her chose using her own money.

But, if you're also concerned about the food and you see other issues at home regarding food. Then, maybe it is time to see a therapist and I agree with others that with holding dessert, not allowing her to buy food, actually might heighten the problem. And honestly withholding food could take away the lesson about stealing (and other impulse control issues that you're seeing).

[Anonymous]

OP said it, all she wants is reassurance that everything is fine, nothing to worry about, her daughter will grow out of it or learn her lesson if the punishment is severe enough. Well you keep telling yourself that, OP, no one here seems to be able to. Best of Luck. Clearly that strategy worked last time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You seem determined to believe your daughter is just plain bad. It sounds like she has could have issues with executive functioning. Have you taken her to a developmental pediatrician?

What is with all the judgmental lurkers on this site looking to validate themselves by attacking people who admit that their children aren't perfect? This isn't about trying to see my daughter as being bad. My daughter has a great many very positive character traits. She's fun, outgoing and friendly in a way that's very engaging. Even though she can't stop socializing in class, her teachers are generally fond of her because she has a sunny disposition. BUT, I know that if she doesn't learn that stealing is unacceptable, those traits won't matter at all. She's an intensely social person and she loves her friends. The last thing I want is for her to be branded a thief. She's likely to go through the rest of elementary school, middle school and high school with the same group of kids and I don't want a reputation for untrustworthiness to ruin her experiences. Is that clear enough?

OP "can't stop socializing" also suggests executive function issues. That is why people are suggesting that there may be a neurological issue rather than a parenting issue or character issue.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You seem determined to believe your daughter is just plain bad. It sounds like she has could have issues with executive functioning. Have you taken her to a developmental pediatrician?

What is with all the judgmental lurkers on this site looking to validate themselves by attacking people who admit that their children aren't perfect? This isn't about trying to see my daughter as being bad. My daughter has a great many very positive character traits. She's fun, outgoing and friendly in a way that's very engaging. Even though she can't stop socializing in class, her teachers are generally fond of her because she has a sunny disposition. BUT, I know that if she doesn't learn that stealing is unacceptable, those traits won't matter at all. She's an intensely social person and she loves her friends. The last thing I want is for her to be branded a thief. She's likely to go through the rest of elementary school, middle school and high school with the same group of kids and I don't want a reputation for untrustworthiness to ruin her experiences. Is that clear enough?

??? Lady, read your post. You seem hell bent on covering up for your daughter rather than addressing the problem head on. This will be a much bigger problem in a few years if you don't take it seriously.

One poster claims I'm trying to see my daughter as inherently bad. Now you claim I'm hell bent on covering up for her and not taking this issue seriously. I can see why so many people say this site is just a place for people to come and attack others.

OP DCUM is generally shark territory. I would shut this thread down and just go see a therapist.

[Anonymous]

So a therapist is a no? B/c the guidance counselor is all knowing, and working so well?

[Anonymous]

A good bare bottom spanking is what they deserve for stealing. My daughter stole candy from a shop when she was 8 and was caught by the owner. I went to the shop and picked her up. When we got home I took her up to her room put her across my knee bared her bottom and spanked her bare bottom so hard she never stole again

[Anonymous]

This post is fromfeb. 2012.