Boyfriend told me he'd leave if I'm infertile. I'm considering moving on

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Being honest is a crime now? What would we say if genders were swapped here?

Why would it be a crime for her to leave him, as he would leave her?

Isn't that just how it goes? Fine for the goose, fine for the gander.

My aunt didn't leave my uncle after it turned out he was the reason they couldn't have kids. They decided to adopt.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm anti IVF and understand his desire for natural children but id dump him. You take the person as they come. I'm sure he also wants a healthy wife who can walk and talk. So he'd leave you if you became disabled, got sick, turned out to be inferile. He doesn't love you for you, you're a means to end, he feels like women are fungible.

Why are anti IVF? Because you were lucky enough to need it?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Being honest is a crime now? What would we say if genders were swapped here?

Why would it be a crime for her to leave him, as he would leave her?

Isn't that just how it goes? Fine for the goose, fine for the gander.

My aunt didn't leave my uncle after it turned out he was the reason they couldn't have kids. They decided to adopt.

Were your aunt and uncle the people under discussion in the thread? I was unaware.

[Anonymous]

He doesn’t really love you OP. This is his way of letting you know.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He doesn’t really love you OP. This is his way of letting you know.

It's a gift.

The natural ending of this relationship ASAP is a win-win for you both. May you find someone better suited to you soon.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I guess what I’m hearing is that he wants children so much that he cannot imagine a life without them. And not having children is a dealbreaker for him. I’d want to know more about how he said what he said. Did he say, “I’d leave you if you can’t have children” (which is abrasive and sounds kind of punitive) or did he say, “Bio-children are supremely important to me. It would break my heart but I think I’d have to end our relationship if it turned out that we couldn’t have kids”? Either way is not great, because what about adoption or other alternatives.

OP here. He doesn't believe in adoption. He wasn't as rude as my post makes it sound, but the message is essentially the same. He won't continue the relationship if bio kids are off the table, even if it's due to infertility.

How does he know HE is fertile? Has he gotten himself tested?

[Anonymous]

I have a friend whose husband was like this. He claims to be descended from royalty (whatever). She married him anyway, and had to do infertility treatment to have kids.
I adopted, and always felt weird around him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
OP here. He doesn't believe in adoption. He wasn't as rude as my post makes it sound, but the message is essentially the same. He won't continue the relationship if bio kids are off the table, even if it's due to infertility.

How does he know HE is fertile? Has he gotten himself tested?

Wow, this is really not worth your time, OP. Spending more energy and time on him to prove a point would just be a waste. Move on with a smile, and wish him well.

[Anonymous]

That is not a partner. I'm sure that's not the only way in which he is not a partner. GTFO now

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Boyfriend of 2 years began talking about children making emphasis that he wanted them to be his. I then asked what would happen if I can't have kids. He said he would discontinue the relationship. While I recognize his right to pursue bio children, I feel uncomfortable with someone that would say something like this to me and I'm leaning towards moving on.

Has anybody had a similar experience?

You two aren't married or even engaged, a lot of things can end this. This seems like a legit reason. Just like you, he is also allowed to have convictions and not agree to things he can't compromise on.

OP is the one considering breaking up with him right now, and for good reason.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Marrying someone with infertility issues is signing up for an expensive and stressful battle. Its a different thing if it happens but walking in knowing and on top of that if wife doesn't want children then you can imagine how difficult she would make his life with infertility process and afterwards with raising those kids. They aren't not married, better be honest and find partners who both want it.

The overwhelming number of people with fertility issues don’t know they have fertility issues until they’re married and trying to have children.

I hope OP’s boyfriend has male-factor infertility. And I don’t say that lightly as a person going through IVF now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Being honest is a crime now? What would we say if genders were swapped here?

Why would it be a crime for her to leave him, as he would leave her?

Isn't that just how it goes? Fine for the goose, fine for the gander.

My aunt didn't leave my uncle after it turned out he was the reason they couldn't have kids. They decided to adopt.

Everyone has people in their circles who stayed or left. Anecdotes proof nothing. Also they aren't married, engaged or apparently even committed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You two aren't married or even engaged, a lot of things can end this. This seems like a legit reason. Just like you, he is also allowed to have convictions and not agree to things he can't compromise on.

Of course. For them to part ways is just how it goes. Better now than when she might think she needed him, or had already relied on him.

[Anonymous]

My cousin married a man like this. I won’t go into the details because they are very personal, but over time it became extremely apparent that marrying him was the biggest mistake of her life.

[Anonymous]

Male infertility is easier, cheaper and less physically demanding than female fertility.