The working parent grind is so exhausting.

[Anonymous]

Along with the question of " how does it work?" that also has to be asked is the number of children?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How did the older GenX and younger baby boomers in dual working households get it done? Not teleworking — not in 1999, 2001. And no professionals in DC lived near their moms then so that also isn’t the answer

I do think commutes weren’t an hour+ each way then. But mainly we just … did it.

Disagree. You didn't just do it. Women took on menial or part time jobs or were SAHMs. This is what I see from my mom, MIL, aunts.

We millennials were promised more and told that women could excel in workplaces, be equal to men. Telework sort of made this possible for most of us, but now that it's gone, it's become infeasible to both work. Neither my dh, nor I have telework or flexible jobs. School schedules are insane (my kids get out at 2:30) and school is always closed. Dh and I just burn through leave and now we have no leave for family vacations to relax.

I'd love to go part time. We don't need both of our salaries, but we also can't rely just on dh's. Dh + 1/2 of my salary would be perfect. But there doesn't seem to be part time work anywhere to be had. Working 8-2pm would be ideal for me.

This. Lots of comments on here how women used to work and only white women didn’t. Except daycare didn’t even exist and that’s not what statistics show.

I grew up in an UMC suburb and didn’t know a single woman with a high earning job. Most didn’t work and the ones who did worked PT or when they had older kids.

Now if you to go that same suburb, plenty of the women are attorneys, doctors, business women etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How did the older GenX and younger baby boomers in dual working households get it done? Not teleworking — not in 1999, 2001. And no professionals in DC lived near their moms then so that also isn’t the answer

I do think commutes weren’t an hour+ each way then. But mainly we just … did it.

Mom stayed home until I was in 4th grade. We went to a parochial school so no busses so my sister and I walked home 2 miles from school and microwaved a hot pocket for snack/dinner. My mom's office was 5 mins from the house (my walk home from school was further than her commute to work) and my dad's office was maybe 10 minutes from home (he came home for lunch and lot).

[Anonymous]

We are both in the private sector and have great telework options which helps a lot. DH goes in 4 days a week, his office is essentially not open on Fridays, but has flex to add another day when necessary which is nice. I’m fully remote though do need to attend I’m person meetings, conferences, etc once or twice a month. Prior to the pandemic I was hybrid with 2-3 days a week in the office and had that luxury since kids were 1 and 4. That has made a huge difference- just hours and hours of commute time saved.

While most of our federal neighbors are back in the office full-time I don’t know anyone in the private sector who goes in five days a week anymore.

But anyway, my kids are teens and the oldest will be at college in less than 3 months, gulp. I’m glad I stayed in it, you all of a sudden do have a lot more time on your hands as they get older/get licensed and it’s nice not to be stressing about retirement and college expenses etc in this economy.

[Anonymous]

I’m expecting my first and I have no idea how I’m going to do this, especially in the baby stage. I have a stressful and demanding job, fortunately it is almost entirely remote because my husband works 12 hour days onsite.

We honestly would be fine if I made half my salary, but things would be tight living on just my husband’s.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am 40 with two early elementary school kids and I feel like every week is a whirlwind. I work in the office four days a week and my 30-40 min commute is now an hour plus each way thanks to no more federal telework (I am not a fed). All I do is work, whatever we have going on after school, and collapse into bed. I don't see my husband during week and feel like I am so burnt out from my job and commute that I am not as good of a mom as I can be. Is this just how it is? IDK how I am going to make it to retirement.

You have two full time jobs: work and kids. Hard to do both when the kids are young. But it gets easier after elementary school. So put up with it or quit working.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You or spouse might need a more telework or wfh job. You might need a leave of absence. You might need to pay for more outsourcing (groceries, housekeeping, etc) . One of you might need to leave the workforce for a few years.

I did it w two working parents w no local help and 5 days a week in the office and it sux.

But but you can buy bezos another yacht...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How did the older GenX and younger baby boomers in dual working households get it done? Not teleworking — not in 1999, 2001. And no professionals in DC lived near their moms then so that also isn’t the answer

I do think commutes weren’t an hour+ each way then. But mainly we just … did it.

they don’t get it done. My mom had a part time job, she teaches electives in a school nearby, so she goes in and teach 2 classes at 10am, come home to nap, then teach another class in the afternoon. She had 1 child and I was in school from 7am to 7pm. She hates cooking so I skipped a lot of meals. There was no extracurriculars either. She goes to bed before me at 9pm and wakes up after me (after 7 I assume). I walk to school starting at age 7.

My dad was overseas for majority of my childhood.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How did the older GenX and younger baby boomers in dual working households get it done? Not teleworking — not in 1999, 2001. And no professionals in DC lived near their moms then so that also isn’t the answer

I do think commutes weren’t an hour+ each way then. But mainly we just … did it.

They didnt parent M-F. Thats how. And I mean it. The kids took care of themselves and younger siblings. They got busses - most counties dont offer that anymore. There was less traffic and the remainder walked and so it was a necessity. But my mom born in 63 had a SAHM and only 1/2 day Kindergarten.

By the time she was a mom it was full day everyday kids in before care and after care she dropped us off at 7 and picked us up at 5/6. I went to private school for early years and I got dropped off by my Dad before his work (he taught at the Upper School) rode the bus to the US after school and stayed on the campus for 4 hours while my Dad coached and he didnt pay me any attention. Id go into classrooms, the gymnasium to play volleyball, lift weights in the gym with no supervision, swim in the pool, go to the dock, maybe help with practice, find coins for vending machine or beg the cafeteria staff for leftovers. Water was water fountain water or from the hose while trying to attrach manatees.
Days off I was home or at the US or at my moms office playing minesweeper and learning to answer the phones. By 10, I was home all day before and after school expected to make dinner for everyone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How did the older GenX and younger baby boomers in dual working households get it done? Not teleworking — not in 1999, 2001. And no professionals in DC lived near their moms then so that also isn’t the answer

I do think commutes weren’t an hour+ each way then. But mainly we just … did it.

They didnt parent M-F. Thats how. And I mean it. The kids took care of themselves and younger siblings. They got busses - most counties dont offer that anymore. There was less traffic and the remainder walked and so it was a necessity. But my mom born in 63 had a SAHM and only 1/2 day Kindergarten.

By the time she was a mom it was full day everyday kids in before care and after care she dropped us off at 7 and picked us up at 5/6. I went to private school for early years and I got dropped off by my Dad before his work (he taught at the Upper School) rode the bus to the US after school and stayed on the campus for 4 hours while my Dad coached and he didnt pay me any attention. Id go into classrooms, the gymnasium to play volleyball, lift weights in the gym with no supervision, swim in the pool, go to the dock, maybe help with practice, find coins for vending machine or beg the cafeteria staff for leftovers. Water was water fountain water or from the hose while trying to attrach manatees.
Days off I was home or at the US or at my moms office playing minesweeper and learning to answer the phones. By 10, I was home all day before and after school expected to make dinner for everyone.

The kids are pretty savvy from that generation. My mom stopped working her part time job at 45, she got bored and found a retail job and I had to drive 26 miles to pick her up from work in the evenings.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How did the older GenX and younger baby boomers in dual working households get it done? Not teleworking — not in 1999, 2001. And no professionals in DC lived near their moms then so that also isn’t the answer

I do think commutes weren’t an hour+ each way then. But mainly we just … did it.

They didnt parent M-F. Thats how. And I mean it. The kids took care of themselves and younger siblings. They got busses - most counties dont offer that anymore. There was less traffic and the remainder walked and so it was a necessity. But my mom born in 63 had a SAHM and only 1/2 day Kindergarten.

By the time she was a mom it was full day everyday kids in before care and after care she dropped us off at 7 and picked us up at 5/6. I went to private school for early years and I got dropped off by my Dad before his work (he taught at the Upper School) rode the bus to the US after school and stayed on the campus for 4 hours while my Dad coached and he didnt pay me any attention. Id go into classrooms, the gymnasium to play volleyball, lift weights in the gym with no supervision, swim in the pool, go to the dock, maybe help with practice, find coins for vending machine or beg the cafeteria staff for leftovers. Water was water fountain water or from the hose while trying to attrach manatees.
Days off I was home or at the US or at my moms office playing minesweeper and learning to answer the phones. By 10, I was home all day before and after school expected to make dinner for everyone.

+1. School buses and latchkey kids. I was home with my sibling after school, but I didn't see much of my mom during the week once I was around middle school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How did the older GenX and younger baby boomers in dual working households get it done? Not teleworking — not in 1999, 2001. And no professionals in DC lived near their moms then so that also isn’t the answer

I do think commutes weren’t an hour+ each way then. But mainly we just … did it.

I am GenX and both my parents worked. My brother and I came home after school to an empty house using the hidden key, we got our own snacks, played, fought and maybe got some homework done. If we had sports practice or scouts that was not directly after school maybe mom would come home early to drive us but mostly we rode our bikes there and back. Summers were just hanging out with the neighborhood kids for HOURS every single day.

Simpler times. Wonderful memories.

1979 kid here. My parents both worked, but my mom worked evenings/nights to sort of juggle it with my dad + latchkey afternoons. There was no bus so my dad drove carpool for the neighborhood in the mornings, and then in the afternoon we relied on the kindness of SAH friends and neighbors to get me from school to either home or paid childcare.
Critically, both parents commuted 15-30 minutes only.

[Anonymous]

Gen x here and watched a lot of soap operas by myself and ate granola bars for dinner

[Anonymous]

My kids are older teens, so their elementary school days were mostly pre-Covid and both me and DH had 45-60 min commutes. My job had good PTO and flexibility to cover sick days and dr appointments. Our schedules were staggered so DH had to go in early, but could pick the kids up from aftercare and cook dinner. We limited weekday activities to one night à week and took turns covering them. There was also a lot of outsourcing.

Crucially, neither of us had “big” jobs during this time. Mostly 9-5, no weekends and no big stakes if we had to deal with family issues.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think the answer is in the commute. Over two hours a day is not tenable. You need to get a new job that's closer to home, get a remote job, or move. I would seriously consider moving.

I have a very short commute that's about 5 minutes. Even still, I cannot seem to make my life work. There isn't a way to get home at 2:30 for school pickup. DH and I do stagger schedules so I can go in at the crack of dawn, but work wouldn't allow me to work 6-2:30. There isn't coverage for all the random days off or snow days.

My oldest is 10 and is fine staying by herself for a couple of hours (and I know many would call CPS on that), but my younger two are too little.