Graduation Dilemma

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We have twins who went to different colleges. Same graduation days. Husband went to one with family in that locale. I went to other with different family group. Each graduate was celebrated as much as was humanly possible under the circumstances.

My recommendation to you is to split up.

I agree splitting up is the only compromise but honestly this would still be a problem for me because I’d be pissed that my husband attended his son’s THIRD graduation to miss his daughter’s first. It’s probably a big deal to her to have him there. But that being said if anyone has to be at the stepsons Big Special Day, it’s dad and dad alone.

[Anonymous]

Will the boy have his mom there? Would be pretty sad to have no family at the graduation. Dad can go and catch a late flight home as a compromise.

[Anonymous]

Why is he going to the entire school university? Doesn't his program have its own graduation? I have 2 degrees and never went to any of the entire university grad programs.

[Anonymous]

Your stepson is being unfair. High school graduation is a big milestone, and your DD should not have to risk missing hers. It’s her turn for HS graduation, just like he had his turn. He should not be pressuring her to skip her graduation so that she can attend his. He is a grown man. Is he immature?

Is your stepson’s biomom and her family in the picture and going to his graduation? I totally get him wanting to have someone there. Your family will likely have to split up. Or you and DD go for part of the celebration but leave early enough in the day to comfortably return home for her graduation. Your husband can stay back and fly back at night if he wants. So you may be there for a celebratory dinner for stepson but then not actually see the moment he is handed his diploma. And that would be ok. He needs to be flexible.

In your shoes I’d quietly book a cancelable hotel room NOW for your stepson’s graduation, the just tell him that you and his dad will discuss the best way to handle it.

Can you tell us the geography? Where are you and where is stepson’s graduation?

Also, is there more to the emotional story here that were missing?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why is he going to the entire school university? Doesn't his program have its own graduation? I have 2 degrees and never went to any of the entire university grad programs.

+1 Everyone saying to go to this stadium grad school event like it's oh-so-important is daft. I'm surprised the graduate has no idea. Are we sure he earned that degree? Sounds ... not smart. And definitely selfish.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why is he going to the entire school university? Doesn't his program have its own graduation? I have 2 degrees and never went to any of the entire university grad programs.

+1 Everyone saying to go to this stadium grad school event like it's oh-so-important is daft. I'm surprised the graduate has no idea. Are we sure he earned that degree? Sounds ... not smart. And definitely selfish.

It sounds like he picked this one to be difficult. There are graduation events all weekend long. Why would he insists on the large university one which is probably geared towards undergrads?

[Anonymous]

OP again. I've brought up a lot of these compromises. I think if I communicate later that we want to celebrate him in any way we can, but the only hard line is DD and I have to be on a flight that's at 6pm or earlier (ie not last of the day and gives time for me to drive home in absolutely worst case scenario).

Unless something is different next year, no there is no separate PhD ceremony. I confirmed that.

For the folks asking about logistics, we live in a major metro area, the ceremony is in a major metro area; and DSS will be coming in from a third major metro area. All three places have nonstop flights on the order of 2 hours between them.

[Anonymous]

I’ve had three graduation ceremonies and the only one I cared about was high school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We have twins who went to different colleges. Same graduation days. Husband went to one with family in that locale. I went to other with different family group. Each graduate was celebrated as much as was humanly possible under the circumstances.

My recommendation to you is to split up.

I agree splitting up is the only compromise but honestly this would still be a problem for me because I’d be pissed that my husband attended his son’s THIRD graduation to miss his daughter’s first. It’s probably a big deal to her to have him there. But that being said if anyone has to be at the stepsons Big Special Day, it’s dad and dad alone.

OP again. I wouldn't mind at all. And if my husband did this, I promise, he'd be totally convinced it would not be a problem to get back to our city that same evening.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Kids don’t stop needing to feel love and support because they grow up. HS graduation is a big deal and I’d never want to miss it. But a graduate school graduation is also a big deal. While the vast majority of us can expect our kids to graduate HS, graduate school means doing something that isn’t just expected. You definitely have a tight schedule but I don’t think it’s an insurmountable obstacle. Is there only the big all university ceremony or a smaller ceremony for his department? My kids attend UMD and they have the huge football stadium event but also individual graduations by college. For example, engineering has one. Business has one. If he has one of those, maybe it would be easier to attend that. If not, you can always come up beforehand to celebrate him in advance and fly home with your daughter before the ceremony while DH stays behind and flies out immediately after. I’m a huge stress ball who doesn’t enjoy flying so I understand that it just feels like overload but I’d still try to do what I can. For comparison sake, my sister doesn’t even blink when it comes to tight schedules. She will fly from one commitment to the next with just hours in between as a seasoned traveler. Just do your best but I would find some way to make him feel you value his accomplishment and his place in your family.

Respectfully, this means nothing if your flight is cancelled.

My sister decided to fly into town the morning of her son's graduation. The plane couldn't land because of weather, so after circling around a few times returned to the origin airport. She missed the ceremony. Couldn't understand why she didn't fly the day before.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why is he going to the entire school university? Doesn't his program have its own graduation? I have 2 degrees and never went to any of the entire university grad programs.

+1 Everyone saying to go to this stadium grad school event like it's oh-so-important is daft. I'm surprised the graduate has no idea. Are we sure he earned that degree? Sounds ... not smart. And definitely selfish.

It sounds like he picked this one to be difficult. There are graduation events all weekend long. Why would he insists on the large university one which is probably geared towards undergrads?

At William and Mary, the only degrees they handed out at the stadium were the Phds. The undergrad degrees were handed out at departmental events for economics, history, business etc.

[Anonymous]

Is he planning on attending his sister’s high school graduation?

[Anonymous]

If you end up going, plan on driving back. Air travel is too inconsistent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you end up going, plan on driving back. Air travel is too inconsistent.

NP I agree. All you need is one storm, mechanical issue or budget freeze and you could not get home. I'd have dh go and stay home with DD for her event, honestly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you end up going, plan on driving back. Air travel is too inconsistent.

If we left directly from the first ceremony we'd get home at 3am - 5 hours before the second ceremony's