My Eating Disorder is ruining my marriage

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m betting OP is clinically obese.

I am not clinically obese. I recently got my BMI up to 19. I am not sure why that matters in terms of mending my marriage? I was more wondering if there were any other couples who had gone through this process together.

For 30 years of disorders?

[Anonymous]

OP, I think it’s really great you are getting professional help. So many of the women in my family have had disordered eating. My mother has terrible osteoporosis which she can rationally understand is due largely to being underweight her entire life but yet she still will not change.

Don’t give up. Show a lot of appreciation for your husband and his help and believe there is a healthier life ahead for both of you. I would take as much pressure off his shoulders as possible- I don’t know what him being your accountability means exactly but I hope he’s not the only one.

Hoping th best for you OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What are your symptoms and habits ?

NP. Stop. Just stop. If you want to know what anorexia is like, Google it. OP doesn't need to detail her illness to ask for help here. Anorexia is a brutal disease, lifelong. My cousin, more like a sister, is a recovering anorexic who went through multiple inpatient treatments before she began to recover, but even now I find eating around her or being around food with her (e.g., family events) to be unpleasant and anxiety-ridden. She still doesn't eat much but is able to maintain. I cannot imagine being in a romantic relationship with an anorexic. It's incredible you two have made it this far, OP.

To the ignorant PP who keeps mentioning being skinny, it is not about that. It's a mental health issue (control, perfectionism, etc.)

[Anonymous]

Sorry OP, these days women are huge liabilities who can ruin your life on social media or through the legal system. After a certain amount of stubbornness and drama it's usually best to step back and leave, especially when it's related to a woman's mental illness or disorder tied to weight.

[Anonymous]

To OP — many of these responses are insane. I would suggest that you look for a support group online and that your husband look for his own support group for spouses in this situation. Marriage counseling might also be in order.

The truth is that you have a mental health issue and not all marriages survive this. But you may be able to if you both get strong supports in place. I wish you the best of luck. This is a long, tough journey.

[Anonymous]

I don’t get it.

You have ocd about various foods so your household family eats the same stuff or different?

You have anorexia for 30 years and what else? Malnourishment? Teeth falling out? Dehydration? Failing organs? Bad breath? Low energy? Brittle bones? Lack of libido (or perimenopause if u even have periods)

You may or may not have tried various anorexia treatments over the last 30 years of your “eating disorder.”

You’ve been married for an unknown period of time and now don’t have ex. Unclear if any children or step children.

You may or may not work fulltime or part time. Or how you spend your days.

And now suddenly, catalyst unknown- unless it’s your chronic eating disorders and some sort of fallout - you are worried about your marriage?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am in recovery for an eating disorder that I have had for 30 years. My husband was initially supportive and engaged in my treatment but after 18 months, he has become withdrawn and frustrated. I have no sex drive which is a source of tension.

Meal planning and negotiating food decisions is a major source of conflict. The financial strain of all of my therapies plus accomodating my food requirements is starting to cause a lot of resentment.

I need to keep at it but I feel like our marriage was so much better before. I wish I had never embarked on this treatment journey. Aside from couples therapy (we do), I am not sure what to do?

Are you recently married in the last few years?

[Anonymous]

What does this your marriage was so Lu ch better before?

Before what? Before you had anorexia? When you had active anorexia?

[Anonymous]

Pretty sure it's the sex drive fix that all the other problems go away

[Anonymous]

What does your ob gyn say about your health and hormones at age 47?

[Anonymous]

This to me feels very analogous to alcoholism. Both are mental health disorders, essentially addictions or compulsions, and both can have devastating impacts on marriages. I'm not sure a spouse is required to stick this one out, any more than they are required to stick with an alcoholic.

[Anonymous]

OP, many people here do not understand how challenging anorexia is on a family, as well as one the person who suffers from this horrible disease.

My brother was married for quite some time to someone who had anorexia. Early on, he 'dealt' with it by hoping it would go away/pretending it didnt exist, but he was clearly avoidant and hated the conflict. But papering it over allowed them to seem okay, on the surface, even though it ws clear there were issues and it was also really hard for me to spend time with her (triggering). Eventually, her health became a real crisis he could not ignore and as part of her treatment, he got involved in family therapy even as she did individual therapy. She recovered enough so that the immediate crisis passed, but never fully recovered. Ultimately, they divorced, for a variety of reasons--mostly, there wasn't room for him in the relationship, as her primary relatiosnhip was with her disorder (There were other issues, she didn't work during the entirety of their marriage--partly an indication of her disability via disease-- and then an attempt to have children, via ivf, kind of ended everything). I hope she is doing better but what I would say is that it's an incredibly difficult disease to have, but also to watch and witness. On the one hand you intellectually know the person you love has a disease and can't help it, and yet you also feel like they are not trying, or they are dishonest, or resistant. You want to view your spouse as your partner, not your patient/recalcitrant child.

Despite all that I just said, I also really want to encourage you to keep trying, and keep going with treatment, for yourself most of all. It is so important. A college friend recently passed at 54 from severe anorexia. She was brilliant and beautiful, but it ravaged her for her entire adult life, and she ultimately died of organ failure (after several strokes the previous year).

[Anonymous]

Thank goodness for this troll post. So educating

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What are your symptoms and habits ?

NP. Stop. Just stop. If you want to know what anorexia is like, Google it. OP doesn't need to detail her illness to ask for help here. Anorexia is a brutal disease, lifelong. My cousin, more like a sister, is a recovering anorexic who went through multiple inpatient treatments before she began to recover, but even now I find eating around her or being around food with her (e.g., family events) to be unpleasant and anxiety-ridden. She still doesn't eat much but is able to maintain. I cannot imagine being in a romantic relationship with an anorexic. It's incredible you two have made it this far, OP.

To the ignorant PP who keeps mentioning being skinny, it is not about that. It's a mental health issue (control, perfectionism, etc.)

No.

No, it is usually not lifelong and most people recover.
This post and many of its sock puppet posts is are beyond fake.

Dont feed the troll more outlandish stuff to pretend to know.

[Anonymous]

It is absolutely exhausting to be around. I would only do it for a child. I think I would not be able to be in a marriage like this.