Reply to My Eating Disorder is ruining my marriage

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[quote=Anonymous]OP, many people here do not understand how challenging anorexia is on a family, as well as one the person who suffers from this horrible disease.

My brother was married for quite some time to someone who had anorexia. Early on, he 'dealt' with it by hoping it would go away/pretending it didnt exist, but he was clearly avoidant and hated the conflict. But papering it over allowed them to seem okay, on the surface, even though it ws clear there were issues and it was also really hard for me to spend time with her (triggering). Eventually, her health became a real crisis he could not ignore and as part of her treatment, he got involved in family therapy even as she did individual therapy. She recovered enough so that the immediate crisis passed, but never fully recovered.  Ultimately, they divorced, for a variety of reasons--mostly, there wasn't room for him in the relationship, as her primary relatiosnhip was with her disorder (There were other issues, she didn't work during the entirety of their marriage--partly an indication of her disability via disease-- and then an attempt to have children, via ivf, kind of ended everything). I hope she is doing better but what I would say is that it's an incredibly difficult disease to have, but also to watch and witness. On the one hand you intellectually know the person you love has a disease and can't help it, and yet you also feel like they are not trying, or they are dishonest, or resistant. You want to view your spouse as your partner, not your patient/recalcitrant child.

Despite all that I just said, I also really want to encourage you to keep trying, and keep going with treatment, for yourself most of all. It is so important. A college friend recently passed at 54 from severe anorexia. She was brilliant and beautiful, but it ravaged her for her entire adult life, and she ultimately died of organ failure (after several strokes the previous year). [/quote]

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