My Eating Disorder is ruining my marriage

[Anonymous]

Divorce.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He should divorce you
Addiction, abuse or adultery = divorce

Good luck to you. I hope you get well.
He can remarry you, if that's what you both want, once you get well and stay well for several years

This. Or separate anyway. You need to focus on your own stuff right now.

[Anonymous]

Op, how old are you and what is your BMI or weight? It could be some other hormonal issues that is causing you to eat more.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow are you my sister? I just visited my sis and brother-in-law (of 40+ years) they are going through the same thing. My sis has always had issues surrounding food but at 70 years old, they are both at wits end!

He (and I) believe it's long-untreated depression stemming from a difficult childhood. She was bulimic as a child and since then it's been diets, exercises, supplements, gurus, treatments, and a few visits to the ER when she over-does it.

If you speak with him, he is ready to travel, meet new people, go out and socialize. However ALL she can talk about is her health issues and the latest supplements she's discovered.

and Despite it all she rarely has the energy to get out of the house. Her latest panacea: a device that adds a hydrogen molecule to your drinking water. Also a water distiller, a million supplements, earthing sheets, light therapies, crystals, baking soda, and that bleach solution thing that Trump was touting as a cure for Covid- yeah, she takes that. Also DMSO! Yes!

She feels she's right on track to health and healing! It's just around the corner! Every new supplement, treatment, even minor surgery! is the final key to wellness. And if you don't believe her and buy into all of it completely - there's nothing to talk about. All convo leads back to her latest health discovery. Her diet is so severely restricted it's insane, which completely excludes her from any socializing or traveling.

I'm glad I saw her and spent time with her but wow, i'm still recovering and I feel bad for them. He doesn't know what to do -they've been together their entire lives and he's afraid she'll end up very weak and ill.

You're describing a high-functioning autistic person whose passion/interest is centered on weight control and wellness. It is classically autistic to obsess over one "hobby" and exclude all other activities.

Thank you for this-very helpful.



Any time you're dealing with an obsessive personality, you have to ask yourself if autism is actually at play. Autism cannot be treated, but the associated anxiety that helps develop OCD and obsessive focus can be treated, and therapy can be implemented, one that is centered on developing self-awareness and knowledge of social expectations.

[Anonymous]

Hi. Can you share a little about what regarding meals becomes a battle?

[Anonymous]

I mean you have a serious, generally considered untreatable mental health disorder. We've had this rot our family and it's not something I wish on anyone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here- he has never asked me to stop. Just noting that money is tight so I think that adds to the stress (for both of us).

Not every therapist is wonderful. If you are spending big bucks and tons of time on this without significant improvement while your otherwise supportive husband is growing resentful, maybe have a think about the value of your therapists and your course of action.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here- he has never asked me to stop. Just noting that money is tight so I think that adds to the stress (for both of us).

Not every therapist is wonderful. If you are spending big bucks and tons of time on this without significant improvement while your otherwise supportive husband is growing resentful, maybe have a think about the value of your therapists and your course of action.

Very true. Also, to be honest, if he was satisfied in the bedroom, a whole lot of his resentment would go away.
There are many meds that dampen libido (including birth control pills). Are you on one, or is your disease itself reducing your drive?

[Anonymous]

Sending you strength as well. I promise you you are going to be glad you embarked on this journey; you may not see it now, but you will.

[Anonymous]

Sending strength and positivity your way. I feel like you can’t change your needs for therapy and you are working on the food requirements. The financial stress just exists and you can’t fix it.

Is there anything you can do to improve your sex drive and to prioritize that part of your relationship? I know that isn’t ideal but it does seem to be the most controllable factor in your equation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am in recovery for an eating disorder that I have had for 30 years. My husband was initially supportive and engaged in my treatment but after 18 months, he has become withdrawn and frustrated. I have no sex drive which is a source of tension. Meal planning and negotiating food decisions is a major source of conflict. The financial strain of all of my therapies plus accomodating my food requirements is starting to cause a lot of resentment. I need to keep at it but I feel like our marriage was so much better before. I wish I had never embarked on this treatment journey. Aside from couples therapy (we do), I am not sure what to do?

What an oddly vague post.

No mention of meds, age, is it over-eating or under-eating or binge eating sweets disorder, etc.

So odd.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Hi. Can you share a little about what regarding meals becomes a battle?

I have a lot of fear foods and food rules so I get really stressed about meal planning. I have a dietician helping me with this but my husband ends up being my accountability which can get tense.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am in recovery for an eating disorder that I have had for 30 years. My husband was initially supportive and engaged in my treatment but after 18 months, he has become withdrawn and frustrated. I have no sex drive which is a source of tension. Meal planning and negotiating food decisions is a major source of conflict. The financial strain of all of my therapies plus accomodating my food requirements is starting to cause a lot of resentment. I need to keep at it but I feel like our marriage was so much better before. I wish I had never embarked on this treatment journey. Aside from couples therapy (we do), I am not sure what to do?

What an oddly vague post.

No mention of meds, age, is it over-eating or under-eating or binge eating sweets disorder, etc.

So odd.

I am not on any meds. I am in my late 40's. I have anorexia.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He should divorce you
Addiction, abuse or adultery = divorce

Good luck to you. I hope you get well.
He can remarry you, if that's what you both want, once you get well and stay well for several years

This. Or separate anyway. You need to focus on your own stuff right now.

An eating disorder is not addiction, abuse or adultery...? It is a mental health condition.

[Anonymous]

He's teaching you how to treat him if he ever gets sick.