My Eating Disorder is ruining my marriage

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Amazing you’re alive after 30 years of anorexia. You either kick it or your body shuts down.

How long were you married and how or why were things so much better before? You both just ate what exactly?

Lots of contradictions in troll posts

[Anonymous]

One of the hardest things was negotiating and dealing with my child’s ED. It took over our ENTIRE life! She was down to only eating 3 or 4 foods and everything had to be cut the right way. She would shuffle the food and pick and store food in her mouth like a chipmunk for hours. We had such a hard time traveling and going to restaurants with her. She would dip off the weight curve and we would all panic and it was such a stressful time! She went into therapy and treatment at 8. As a teen, she cycled up and down constantly. I would always threaten to send her back to inpatient which she hated! It was awful! Now in college, she is doing well and is the heaviest I have ever seen her and she does not seem to care. This is great! I would not be surprised though if next year she takes a downturn and loses half her body weight. It is soooo consuming. So, I get OP’s husband not wanting to deal with this. It is hard!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am in recovery for an eating disorder that I have had for 30 years. My husband was initially supportive and engaged in my treatment but after 18 months, he has become withdrawn and frustrated. I have no sex drive which is a source of tension. Meal planning and negotiating food decisions is a major source of conflict. The financial strain of all of my therapies plus accomodating my food requirements is starting to cause a lot of resentment. I need to keep at it but I feel like our marriage was so much better before. I wish I had never embarked on this treatment journey. Aside from couples therapy (we do), I am not sure what to do?

Here’s an idea, give him some _ _ _ _ _

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He should divorce you
Addiction, abuse or adultery = divorce

Good luck to you. I hope you get well.
He can remarry you, if that's what you both want, once you get well and stay well for several years

This. Or separate anyway. You need to focus on your own stuff right now.

An eating disorder is not addiction, abuse or adultery...? It is a mental health condition.

As are all addictions

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He should divorce you
Addiction, abuse or adultery = divorce

Good luck to you. I hope you get well.
He can remarry you, if that's what you both want, once you get well and stay well for several years

This. Or separate anyway. You need to focus on your own stuff right now.

An eating disorder is not addiction, abuse or adultery...? It is a mental health condition.

Addiction, abuse and adultery also most likely stem from a mental heath condition as well. What’s your point?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So he was ok with it when you were in the throes of the disorder but not the treatment? Doesn't sound very supportive. Do not give uo your treatment for him.

Hmm. I suspect he's not against the treatment, he's frustrated that his wife isn't improving and that every meal has to be a battle. I wouldn't want to live with someone like that, honestly, and I'm a woman.

Strong disagree. Op has been unwell for their entire relationship, until recently. As she is changing, her partner has to also change. Op can attest how hard it is to admit you have issues...her partner does not want to have to look at themself and change, too. Ops partner chose to be in a long relationship with someone who is sick, what does that say about them? They want op to stay sick because, by getting healthy, op shines a light on the partner's issues.

[Anonymous]

Eventually the partner just gets tired. Supportive is one thing...but being killed slowly with no end in sight is another. You can only do so much. Your partner too only had one life to live.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am in recovery for an eating disorder that I have had for 30 years. My husband was initially supportive and engaged in my treatment but after 18 months, he has become withdrawn and frustrated. I have no sex drive which is a source of tension. Meal planning and negotiating food decisions is a major source of conflict. The financial strain of all of my therapies plus accomodating my food requirements is starting to cause a lot of resentment. I need to keep at it but I feel like our marriage was so much better before. I wish I had never embarked on this treatment journey. Aside from couples therapy (we do), I am not sure what to do?

Here's the cure: eat whatever you want, but only if you are actually hungry. Stop when you are full, but not bursting. Take lots of walks. Drink lots of water.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So he was ok with it when you were in the throes of the disorder but not the treatment? Doesn't sound very supportive. Do not give uo your treatment for him.

The treatment is part of her disorder. It's a way of getting attention/pity.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So he was ok with it when you were in the throes of the disorder but not the treatment? Doesn't sound very supportive. Do not give uo your treatment for him.

Hmm. I suspect he's not against the treatment, he's frustrated that his wife isn't improving and that every meal has to be a battle. I wouldn't want to live with someone like that, honestly, and I'm a woman.

I imagine she's frustrated if that's the case too. It's a fraught situation either way. I imagine issues of low sex drive and battles over meals would also be the case with a wife with an active eating disorder, so stopping treatment isn't going to fix anything except the financial part, but that's pretty awful to ask your spouse to stop because it's too expensive unless you are really struggling financially.

Can you stop? Nowhere does it say that the husband has asked the wife to stop treatments. He probably imagined that the treatment wouldn't take as long, and in this he was sadly mistaken, since OP may struggle for life. It's one thing to be deeply concerned about the family's budget, and another to ask someone to stop their medical/psychiatric protocol.

OPs husband is one of her primary enablers. He's not part of the solution, he's part of the problem. OP needs to dump him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Hi. Can you share a little about what regarding meals becomes a battle?

Who gets the KFC drumstick probably

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Hi - I feel for you. I’m also an adult woman who has to manage and keep an eating disorder at bay and it definitely impacts my relationships. It can be extremely hard both for me and the people around me. It is a serious mental illness and it is great that you are in treatment.

What are the support networks like - for *both* of you - outside of each other and separate from the therapist? Do you have other close friends or family you can talk to and seek support from to give each other a bit of space / external meaning? Are there some other lighthearted pleasurable activities (separate from sex) like nature walks, a favorite book shop or coffee shop that you can regularly do as a shared activity but also for yourself?

I think this is great advice.

Trying to treat your ED now should -- hopefully -- buy you and your husband some happy years in the future. I like the idea of trying to add in some easy, pleasurable activities to help you learn to enjoy each other again. Good luck!