DD has few goals in life

[Anonymous]

Maybe she met Hare Krishnas at college.
Or more likely, Evangelicals. Wondering what odd clothing she gets bullied about.

[Anonymous]

OP said its a Baptist church.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There are multiple cultures and religions in which it’s common for the daughters to live at home with their parents (not even attend college and work like your daughter is doing) until they meet a man to marry. I’m not sure why you’re acting like this is the end of the world or some alien concept.

Given her clear enthusiasm for marriage, you should honestly just be glad that she has shown some restraint by not running off and eloping as soon as she turned 18. I’ve heard those stories, too.

Name a single 1st world country where this is the case?

The United States of America. Maybe not the people that you’re around on a daily basis but there are plenty of families/women (of various backgrounds) here that do that. They just don’t typically advertise it on social media. I grew up in the Satmar community in New York, and this was common.

I’m sure that it also happens in England, Australia, Canada, etc.

Give me a break...you are referencing a niche, random religious sect where it is common in those groups but not common at all in the country as a whole and not "plenty". It's safe to say that OP is not from those groups, nor is her daughter.

All that said, OP basically stated she almost would have preferred if her DD didn't attend college (and she could save the significant $$$s) if this was the route she was going to take.

It really doesn’t matter if you’re from a group or religious sect. People convert all of the time. Everyone (barring extreme circumstances) is free to choose the life that they want as an adult. I chose to leave my community. OP’s DD is free to join that life if she wants to.

I do agree that it would have been financially smarter to not attend college, but her DD already accepted the loans. There’s really nothing that can be done about it now. They’re not going to let her off the hook for them. She’s either going to have to drop out, get a full-time job, and start paying them off, or she’s going to have to finish college and then start paying them off.

Part of having kids is accepting that they may make choices that you don’t agree with or understand.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What is her major?

She’s double majoring in accounting and mathematics.

Now I'm sure this is a troll post.

Why? I double majored in finance (which basically falls under the same umbrella) and math.

But did you join a church at college as born again Baptist and decided to become a trad wife in present day America?

[Anonymous]

Young people have no hope for the future and it's not their generation's fault.

MRS degree is not a new invention, though.

[Anonymous]

To be fair, few decades ago I decided to leave my job as a full time physician to become an expat spouse and a full time mom. It was an unconventional choice but worked out well.

[Anonymous]

I wouldn't be the same person, spouse or mother if I didn't have the education and life experience I had. Fortunately, it was mostly paid by the merit/aid scholarships and parents so no debt.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Maybe she met Hare Krishnas at college.
Or more likely, Evangelicals. Wondering what odd clothing she gets bullied about.

OP said that it’s Baptists. I don’t know if they’re always considered Evangelicals.

Probably skirts down to her ankles. Maybe jean skirts.

[Anonymous]

I’ve read this entire thread and am still not entirely sure what the problem is. You’re complaining about having a strait-laced college kid? It could always be worse. She could be doing dr!gs (don’t know if this has to be censored) and contracting irreversible blood-borne diseases. She could be out sleeping with multiple people and getting pregnant to some guy that dips as soon as he finds out. She could be in jail. A lot of other parents have found themselves in these situations. Count yourself lucky.

[Anonymous]

It’s sad, because she’s putting her life in someone else’s control. Her marriage may end, leaving her penniless. She needs a backup plan

[Anonymous]

Ugh.
A MAN IS NOT A PLAN!!!

Tell her you expect her to get a degree and job. At the very least to protect herself (and potential kids) from death, divorce, disability, etc. Seriously, have her talk to a widowed or divorced mom for her advice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:To be fair, few decades ago I decided to leave my job as a full time physician to become an expat spouse and a full time mom. It was an unconventional choice but worked out well.

and you have your physician career to fall back on. so what's your point?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Comparison is the thief of joy. Your daughter does not have to “measure up” to her cousins or anyone else. Way too many parents fall into the trap of thinking that.

I would reflect on why you think her goal to become a wife and mother is inadequate.

Thank you. I think I needed this reminder. Based on comments that they’ve made, I can tell that my side of the family already think that my DD is weird due to her religious beliefs/lifestyle and the way she dresses, so it can be hard to not have a chip on my shoulder sometimes. I’ve spent my entire life caring about what people think of my family and I. It’s difficult to break out of that mindset.

I understand, OP. I’m in that mindset with a few specific family members. I don’t know what their hold over my mind is and I try my hardest to just put a smile on my face when they get under my skin.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:To be fair, few decades ago I decided to leave my job as a full time physician to become an expat spouse and a full time mom. It was an unconventional choice but worked out well.

and you have your physician career to fall back on. so what's your point?

Not really. After 20 years of gap, I can only do non-clinical jobs which doesn't pay as much nor are very interesting but at 60, I would rather retire than do another residency, fellowship and licensing.

[Anonymous]

She IS getting her degree and has a job with which she is paying for her expenses. She isn't married and pregnant, she is thinking of dating and marrying a person who shares her life philosophy. She wants to have a traditional life but we don't know if she would want to keep some side gig or go back after kids go to school, may be teach at their school or work/volunteer at local church. She may avoid partying, drugs, hook ups and situation-ships by marrying early and marrying someone family oriented. Its a choice with different pros and cons but not necessarily any better or worse than her mom's choice.