DD has few goals in life

[Anonymous]

Dating, engagement, wedding etc would take at least 2 or more years, she will graduate by then.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For many educated men, if she doesn't complete her college degree, she won't be the kind of woman they want to raise their children.

Most women these days don't get married and have kids right away. If she's young enough, taking time to make sure the marriage gets off on the right foot is a good idea. During that time, she can work to pay off her loans.

I think she is trying to meet someone at her church rather than her college. I wholeheartedly believe that she will rush into getting married as soon as she meets someone suitable due to her beliefs about waiting until marriage.

I’m trying to not be that overbearing parent, but I can see the path that she may be headed down. I don’t want her to regret her decisions in the future.

So you think she’s going to jump into a marriage with a guy she barely knows just so that she can have s*x?! Yeah, I’d be concerned about this church and these newfound religious beliefs.

So would I. Seems like we are the minority on this thread but I wouldn't love my daughter chasing the "stay at home girlfriend" to "wife of religious zealot" path.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:To be fair, few decades ago I decided to leave my job as a full time physician to become an expat spouse and a full time mom. It was an unconventional choice but worked out well.

and you have your physician career to fall back on. so what's your point?

Not really. After 20 years of gap, I can only do non-clinical jobs which doesn't pay as much nor are very interesting but at 60, I would rather retire than do another residency, fellowship and licensing.

Maybe not at 60 but if you were 30 with 6 kids under 8 you could have pivoted, right? It's not really comparable.

[Anonymous]

Obviously, any degree is an asset, for social, professional, financial, marital, legal, medical and parental needs. An educated person who learned critical thinking and socialized with smart peers and intellectual faculty can handle life better than the alternative.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Dating, engagement, wedding etc would take at least 2 or more years, she will graduate by then.

You’re talking about the timeline of the average person. Overly religious people (like OP’s daughter) don’t wait years to wedding plan and get married (if they’re following all of the abstinence rules). When I lived in Utah, the average Mormon was married within 3-6 months of meeting their spouse. They go from completely single with seemingly no prospects to married and pregnant in a flash. It was a culture shock to me.

[Anonymous]

It sounds like she got love bombed by a cult. They hang out on college campuses. One of ours warned us about them. Take it seriously.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Dating, engagement, wedding etc would take at least 2 or more years, she will graduate by then.

You’re talking about the timeline of the average person. Overly religious people (like OP’s daughter) don’t wait years to wedding plan and get married (if they’re following all of the abstinence rules). When I lived in Utah, the average Mormon was married within 3-6 months of meeting their spouse. They go from completely single with seemingly no prospects to married and pregnant in a flash. It was a culture shock to me.

It’s not just Mormons. My very Pentecostal nephew met his wife in April and was married by the end of June. My DH couldn’t believe it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It sounds like she got love bombed by a cult. They hang out on college campuses. One of ours warned us about them. Take it seriously.

My kid goes to a college in Orlando FL, and she said there is a Christian group that comes on campus to protest abortion and recruit students. There’s a Planned Parenthood right near the campus, and they apparently protest on the sidewalk there as well. They use megaphones, and some of them record the interactions.

[Anonymous]

Well, my kids actually attended Catholic, Baptist, Islamic and Jewish schools, they are barely interested in any religion. If she is interested then may be this is something of value for her or she is just impressionable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I feel all these ‘I’m just venting and throwing shade at my DD are all trolls at this point.

This. First the problem is that DD wants to get married. When that got pushback, the problem becomes DD wants to marry within her church. And so on. Sounds like OP is bored.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So, she goes to school, works, has a scholarship, and she also values family? That is a lot to be proud of!

Extremely well said!!
I am 46, extremely accomplished (main earner in our family), and have three children. I completely understand your concerns, and I would also feel them. But as this PP has pointed out, your daughter is doing extremely well, and that is no doubt thanks to you and her father. If I'm honest, there are lots of "goals" my children could articulate that wouldn't make me jump up and down with pride, but all you can do is be there and offer support. Your husband is correct that you should not weigh in here. Have you been to her church? That might be a start. (BTW, I am agnostic/atheist so no skin in that particular game).

[Anonymous]

Its puzzling for many that someone isn't interested in half a dozen relationships and two dozen hook ups before randomly settling in marriage with someone they barely know because biological clock is losing battery and then looking for a shark lawyer to divorce their ADHD narcissist.

[Anonymous]

and then again falling for another narcissist who is divorced and paying child support for kids he doesn't care to parent anymore.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Obviously, any degree is an asset, for social, professional, financial, marital, legal, medical and parental needs. An educated person who learned critical thinking and socialized with smart peers and intellectual faculty can handle life better than the alternative.

Not when you’re taking out loans (which are probably totaling thousands of $) to get that degree and have the expectation that your future husband (that hasn’t even entered your life yet) is going to be willing to take on your debt. That sounds more like a liability than an asset. A lot of young men that I know would not be thrilled to meet a young woman and then find out that they’re on the hook for her student loans if they want to marry her. I’d be advising my sons to proceed with caution.

She probably would have been better off getting a real estate license or some other certification and working until said time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why did you kid have to take out loans? Were you immigrants who didn't speak English, couldn't work, or waited for green card for decades? Perhaps hit by some mysterious illness that kept you from working and investing?
How does this happen? That would have been a nice goal in life.

You can wait for a green card and still work and save and invest