DD has few goals in life

[Anonymous]

There's nothing wrong with having faith, or practicing a faith. It's okay to believe in God, or to want to be a dedicated spouse and a parent. That's an honorable goal. Other people find those things very enriching. They are allowed to think differently from you, OP. Seems to me you're being introduced to the daughter you had all along but refused to get to know, OP. You thought you could design her your way. Nope. She can't fit the mold you chose for her and expected her to inhabit for the next 60 years. She can't hold up the pretense of the life you tried to design for her -- aka your life. She doesn't want to be a carbon copy of you, so that you can have bragging rights that you got her to fit some mold. She's going to be herself, and good for her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There's nothing wrong with having faith, or practicing a faith. It's okay to believe in God, or to want to be a dedicated spouse and a parent. That's an honorable goal. Other people find those things very enriching. They are allowed to think differently from you, OP. Seems to me you're being introduced to the daughter you had all along but refused to get to know, OP. You thought you could design her your way. Nope. She can't fit the mold you chose for her and expected her to inhabit for the next 60 years. She can't hold up the pretense of the life you tried to design for her -- aka your life. She doesn't want to be a carbon copy of you, so that you can have bragging rights that you got her to fit some mold. She's going to be herself, and good for her.

Good for her what? She wants no career or even a job and thinks a man is her plan?

I doubt OP would care if she became a SAHM after working several years and her and spouse collectively decided it was a good idea.

I swear DCUM is just rife with people who give weird often shitty advice because their own situation is nothing like it.

[Anonymous]

Why did you kid have to take out loans? Were you immigrants who didn't speak English, couldn't work, or waited for green card for decades? Perhaps hit by some mysterious illness that kept you from working and investing?
How does this happen? That would have been a nice goal in life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Comparison is the thief of joy. Your daughter does not have to “measure up” to her cousins or anyone else. Way too many parents fall into the trap of thinking that.

I would reflect on why you think her goal to become a wife and mother is inadequate.

Because a man is not a plan.

Because part of the point of an education is to produce someone who can support herself independently, regardless of whether she becomes apparent.

[Anonymous]

^^^ *becomes a parent.

[Anonymous]

What church is it? I would be concerned if it teaches that women are only valued if they are tradwives. If she is choosing this path for her own reasons, then help her figure out how to guarantee her financial security if she gets married without a career plan.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What is her major?

She’s double majoring in accounting and mathematics.

[Anonymous]

You should have been curious about her long term goals before the cost of college tuition was her burden to bear, mostly alone. Your embarrassment is misplaced.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The problem isn’t wanting to be a wife and mother or staying home to raise kids.

The problem is that this church got their hooks into your daughter and are apparently feeding her a bunch of traditional values, which also means a certain political bent and notions about other groups. I would have a massive problem with the package she’s being sold here. I would worry that my daughter is gullible and liable to he brainwashed, and that any grandkids I have will grow up in a conservative society I don’t agree with.

Is she on the spectrum by any chance? These are the people who tend to go all in on new belief systems and don’t know how to moderate their enthusiasm. They have very black and white thinking.

My husband has told me not to say anything about the church. He’s more of a live and let live kind of person. I’m more involved and can be intrusive at times without meaning to.

No, she’s not on the spectrum. There aren’t any indications of that. She just tends to be very strong-willed and decisive. She’s usually very logical and responsible. I wouldn’t say that she falls into black and white thinking, though. I also wouldn’t say she’s gullible. She’s not easily convinced.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why did you kid have to take out loans? Were you immigrants who didn't speak English, couldn't work, or waited for green card for decades? Perhaps hit by some mysterious illness that kept you from working and investing?
How does this happen? That would have been a nice goal in life.

Her tuition is very expensive. It’s outrageous, really. We’re not wealthy.

[Anonymous]

Stay in your lane mom. It’s her life to figure out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What church is it? I would be concerned if it teaches that women are only valued if they are tradwives. If she is choosing this path for her own reasons, then help her figure out how to guarantee her financial security if she gets married without a career plan.

It’s a Baptist church.

[Anonymous]

I'd be embarrassed too, because I would've hoped that my DD had enough sense to be independent and be able to take care of herself, and wouldn't be so gullible as to fall for the tradwife influencers that are everywhere (including at her church from what it sounds like). There's nothing wrong with wanting to be married and have kids, or even to do it while young, but 50% of marriages end in divorce. If her whole plan is to find a man to provide for her so that she's free to raise the kids, where does that leave her (and all of her future kids) if he can't or won't? And she's going to have so much student load debt, which mostly likely will continue be HER debt alone even after she gets married. She needs options to ensure she's financially stable on her own no matter what path she chooses.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why are you disappointed and embarrassed instead of concerned?

I am all of those things.

[Anonymous]

Why is everyone scolding OP and not noticing the DD could be in a cult like religious environment?