Son's Birthday Sleepover

[Anonymous]

I can see where this sounds like a good idea, but then is anyone ever going to tell you that they have them, but they aren't locked away safely?

[Anonymous]

Wouldn't respond.

Not their business if and where you happen to have guns, and if she's so much of a snowflake that shed let her kid miss a birthday because of that - then I guess so be it, and I feel bad for the kid.

They are neither entitled, nor should feel the right to be demanding a response from you on that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I grew up in an area where hunting was common as were shooting sports. I would say yes (presumably your kid knows about the hunting) and they are locked up and could add that the kids won't be in rooms where they are kept.

30-40 % of American households have guns. Your kids have been in houses with guns - you should be talking about safety with them.

Agree with this. Teach your kid what to do or not do. You can’t assume they will never see a gun.
At 10 my kid found an old BB rifle style gun of mine in the garage. I’d used in in my 20s to shoot cans with in the mountains. She was with a friend and they both came running in saying they’d found a gun. They didn’t touch it. They told us.
I had to call the other kids parent and explain it wasn’t a real gun lol. In case she went home and told her there was one in our house.

[Anonymous]

Just say you understand I’m sorry Johnny can’t make it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It is 100 percent her business. Improperly stored firearms + 13 preteen boys overnight = potential for disaster.

Why not just tell her that you do own guns and that they are stored unloaded in a locked safe, separate from ammunition, or in a biometric safe?

OP here. DH basically feels like she is calling him an idiot by supposing he'd have loaded guns lying around. Some of them are worth a large some of money and he doesn't want it known that the 'Jones family' has several thousand dollars worth of guns in our house. He noted that she didn't ask about illegal or prescription drugs, dangerous dogs, swimming pool, alcohol or any other factor also known to kill kids. It feels 'virtue signally' at his expense. It's hard to not consider that viewpoint.

To be fair, kids generally don’t accidentally die from taking someone else’s medication. And by age 9 the kid probably knows how to swim (or to avoid pools) and isn’t yet interested in alcohol. Whereas guns are *the* leading cause of child death in the U.S.

I think her question was very aggressive though, like the default is no until you guys can “prove” yourselves. Even if that is how many people operate (I think reasonably), most people have enough tact to have a polite, non accusatory conversation.

Personally I have only allowed sleepovers at the homes of families we know well enough to not need an awkward convo. We are friends with several law enforcement families and they gladly volunteer that their firearms are all locked up in a biometric safe. You don’t need to disclose how many guns or where they are, just an affirmation that there are no unsecured guns accessible to kids should be enough. That is really what most people want to know. If she digs for more than that, then it’s super weird.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Would it be ok for them to ask if you have any weed, opiods, and alcohol in the house and how it is stored?

DP, but if someone is entrusting me with the care of their child I am happy to answer any questions they may have whether it’s access to substances, do we have smoke and CO detectors, pets in the home, etc. I don’t know why some of y’all are acting like it’s a personal attack for a parent to ask some safety questions. I am more than happy to assure other parents that our home is safe.

[Anonymous]

I would just answer what you said here about how the guns are stored. Why hide your truth about something that can kill people?

[Anonymous]

100% as parents our responsibility is to our kids, we are their guardians. This means asking the right questions about their safety while in someone else’s care. OP shouldn’t take it personally, and as a parent should understand where the other family is coming from. We all struggle with doing right by our kids, I don’t think it’s fair to shame a parent for doing their due-diligence.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I can see where this sounds like a good idea, but then is anyone ever going to tell you that they have them, but they aren't locked away safely?

Yes. My kid was friends with a kid whose dad was an ex-cop. When she got invited over I asked the mom if he still had guns and if so how they were stored. She blinked in surprise and told me nobody had ever asked that before, but told me the truth about the two guns in their house. I then gave my kid a "how to be safe around guns" talk and the next day announced Sadie invited her for a playdate.

[Anonymous]

I wouldnt respond or respond after the day of the party with I'm sorry Johny couldn't make it.

Guns are a tool. Parents should tell their kids how to behave around the tool even if you dont own them.

[Anonymous]

We asked our potentially nanny share partners this and someone was like, oh crap, we do have old hunting guns in the house that we should move to storage. I don’t think it’s a stupid question, especially because my guess is that her kid told her you have guns (your kid probably told her kid).

[Anonymous]

I think it’s aggressive but reasonable, especially for a sleepover with so many kids (while bad things can happen at any time, a sleepover is by nature a very long window of time).

I would be brief - we do, and I assure you they are stored safely. Maybe say something like - if you’re more comfortable with it, Larlo can stay until 10:00 and won’t miss any of the activities.

Keep it short, keep it positive, keep it obvious you don’t want a long conversation. But this is someone you just extended an invitation to and the parent of your son’s friend… don’t ghost them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It is 100 percent her business. Improperly stored firearms + 13 preteen boys overnight = potential for disaster.

Why not just tell her that you do own guns and that they are stored unloaded in a locked safe, separate from ammunition, or in a biometric safe?

OP here. DH basically feels like she is calling him an idiot by supposing he'd have loaded guns lying around. Some of them are worth a large some of money and he doesn't want it known that the 'Jones family' has several thousand dollars worth of guns in our house. He noted that she didn't ask about illegal or prescription drugs, dangerous dogs, swimming pool, alcohol or any other factor also known to kill kids. It feels 'virtue signally' at his expense. It's hard to not consider that viewpoint.

This specific question worded this way was in several parent safety trainings including by police run sessions. This is not weird but what parents are asked to do and begged to do by families of victims. This is not virtue signaling. It's following clear repeated safety protocol. Like carseats.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is a very valid question to ask, and I don't understand why you wouldn't disclose what you said here about how they're stored.

Do you tell the parents of your kid's friends how all of your jewelry is stored and what the value is?

Does the jewelry have a history of accidentally killing them?

[Anonymous]

Definitely some other things you don’t want them finding. Make sure you lock up any NSFW photos or videos you might have or any “toys” you might use during your private time. Make sure they can’t access any adult beverages. Definitely make sure they can’t access the adult-only TV channels and you should keep them off the internet entirely. Make sure they can’t find your vehicle keys so they won’t feel tempted to go joyriding.