Son's Birthday Sleepover

[Anonymous]

My son turns 9 next weekend and he invited a dozen friends to have a sleep over. One of the kid's parents replied to the emial invite with:

"Unfortunately, Jeremy is unable to attend unless you share whether you own guns and how they are stored."

My DH does own guns (several actually) as he is ex military and grew up hunting. They are all stored unloaded in a safe in the basemnet and separate from any ammunition, with the exception of a handgun he keeps loaded in our bedroom. He has that in biometric small safe in his nightstand.

He wants me to reply to the mom along the lines of "No, we have no guns in our home." Or more aggresively "That is none of your business. Jeremy is welcome to skip the party if he likes."

I agree that it is none of her business but I don't want to have conflict.

Help me solve this.

[Anonymous]

I would simply ignore the email and not respond. They are then free to assume that means you do have guns and decline, without you having to reveal any information to them.

[Anonymous]

It is 100 percent her business. Improperly stored firearms + 13 preteen boys overnight = potential for disaster.

Why not just tell her that you do own guns and that they are stored unloaded in a locked safe, separate from ammunition, or in a biometric safe?

[Anonymous]

I would say “For security and safety reasons, we do not feel comfortable discussing this topic. If this means you do not feel comfortable allowing Jeremy to attend the party, we of course would fully understand and respect your decision, as disappointed as DS would be.”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It is 100 percent her business. Improperly stored firearms + 13 preteen boys overnight = potential for disaster.

Why not just tell her that you do own guns and that they are stored unloaded in a locked safe, separate from ammunition, or in a biometric safe?

OP here. DH basically feels like she is calling him an idiot by supposing he'd have loaded guns lying around. Some of them are worth a large some of money and he doesn't want it known that the 'Jones family' has several thousand dollars worth of guns in our house. He noted that she didn't ask about illegal or prescription drugs, dangerous dogs, swimming pool, alcohol or any other factor also known to kill kids. It feels 'virtue signally' at his expense. It's hard to not consider that viewpoint.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It is 100 percent her business. Improperly stored firearms + 13 preteen boys overnight = potential for disaster.

Why not just tell her that you do own guns and that they are stored unloaded in a locked safe, separate from ammunition, or in a biometric safe?

OP here. DH basically feels like she is calling him an idiot by supposing he'd have loaded guns lying around. Some of them are worth a large some of money and he doesn't want it known that the 'Jones family' has several thousand dollars worth of guns in our house. He noted that she didn't ask about illegal or prescription drugs, dangerous dogs, swimming pool, alcohol or any other factor also known to kill kids. It feels 'virtue signally' at his expense. It's hard to not consider that viewpoint.

PP here who said you should refuse to discuss it. I agree with your DH. She is trying to score a political point, and if you confirm you have guns, she will conclude you’re MAGA and gossip about you all over town. I also wouldn’t want anyone knowing whether or not I have guns in my home. The fact that everyone knows that anyone could have loaded guns in their home at any time and could use them keeps home invasions low.

[Anonymous]

This is a very valid question to ask, and I don't understand why you wouldn't disclose what you said here about how they're stored.

[Anonymous]

I am not that parent, but it is a question I did ask before my children went to play dates or sleep overs. Too any children goet shot by accident, it's a responsible question to ask.

I would ask you to be honest. Call the parent and say yes there are guns in your home, and they are locked up separately from ammunition that is also locked up and/or in a biometric safe and leave it at that.

I promise this parent cares about her child's safety, not about stealing your spouse's guns. And if you lie, and something does happen, you're life as you know it will be over

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It is 100 percent her business. Improperly stored firearms + 13 preteen boys overnight = potential for disaster.

Why not just tell her that you do own guns and that they are stored unloaded in a locked safe, separate from ammunition, or in a biometric safe?

OP here. DH basically feels like she is calling him an idiot by supposing he'd have loaded guns lying around. Some of them are worth a large some of money and he doesn't want it known that the 'Jones family' has several thousand dollars worth of guns in our house. He noted that she didn't ask about illegal or prescription drugs, dangerous dogs, swimming pool, alcohol or any other factor also known to kill kids. It feels 'virtue signally' at his expense. It's hard to not consider that viewpoint.

He doesn't have to tell her what guns he owns or what they are worth.

And some people DO keep loaded guns where they are accessible. And kids die. IME, responsible gun owners don't feel insulted when someone else is trying to be responsible about firearms. They appreciate that it's not about their ego or their feelings. He's projecting the most negative interpretation on this mother. Maybe he should ask himself why? I mean, you could just say you don't want to tell her (so she'll know you have guns anyway), and then your son's friend won't attend, but I fail to see the big deal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am not that parent, but it is a question I did ask before my children went to play dates or sleep overs. Too any children goet shot by accident, it's a responsible question to ask.

I would ask you to be honest. Call the parent and say yes there are guns in your home, and they are locked up separately from ammunition that is also locked up and/or in a biometric safe and leave it at that.

I promise this parent cares about her child's safety, not about stealing your spouse's guns. And if you lie, and something does happen, you're life as you know it will be over

+1
Even if what happens is that you lie, Jeremy learns that your husband does have guns in the house from your son, and this mother (reasonably) is super-pissed that you lied and tells other parents and then everyone assumes that you really are irresponsible gun owners

[Anonymous]

Why would you lie?

There was a recent of a 9 year old boy finding a gun while having a friend over, and he shot himself dead. Guns around young boys, especially a loaded one, is something she needs to know about.

[Anonymous]

This is about safety not politics.

[Anonymous]

We have friends who are in law enforcement. Before having our kid over, they told us they have firearms and how they are stored, and offered to show us if we needed that to feel comfortable. I didn't think they were MAGA, I was reassured that they took gun safety seriously and my kid was safe at their house.

[Anonymous]

Gun owner here. I would just say that you do own guns and they are kept locked up. I have had one parent ask me this question before a sleepover and I just answered honestly and said I would understand if she didn't feel comfortable having her daughter sleepover because of the presence of guns. However, the other mom responded that it was fine since they were locked up. The whole conversation really wasn't a big deal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is a very valid question to ask, and I don't understand why you wouldn't disclose what you said here about how they're stored.

Do you tell the parents of your kid's friends how all of your jewelry is stored and what the value is?