Is This the Norm? My Husband Says I’m Wrong

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm 27 years old with an 8 year old son. My husband is 49 and wants to take a vacation in July with his ex-wife and her three kids (25, 23, 21). He’s really close to them and says it’s normal and healthy to do things with his ex and her family. However, he doesn’t want to plan a vacation for my son and me. Instead, he wants my son to spend the summer at home while he goes off with them.
My son is really upset that he won’t be able to go on a vacation, and my husband made him cry. My husband doesn’t seem to care at all that we’re both hurt and upset. It feels like he’s putting his ex’s family above ours.

I don’t know what to do. It seems like he doesn’t care about me or my son at all. It’s so frustrating. How do you even handle something like this?

This has to be a troll, I mean roll this numbers back 9 years (assuming 9 month gestation for 8 year old)

Yep.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No it wasn’t clear.

I think it’s fine he wants to go vacation with them for a week, maybe 2. Not the whole summer.
I also think he needs to do the samewith you and his 8yo as well. His adult kids wants to see their Dad. Not their Dad and his other son.

This.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:His kids are his priority. He lives with you and the 8 yo. He needs to spend time with his kids. Either you support that, or you don’t. If you don’t, your relationship is doomed.

This^. He lives with you and your son. His kids don't get to see him every day and being in 20's probably all can't be together other than vacations. It's important he shows them that his priorities are in the right place. He can take you and your kid somewhere nearby for a weekend or in winter. You can travel with your son to see your parents, siblings or just about anywhere.

They're all his kids. The 8 year old is his kid. People are trying to excuse this because they see themselves in the "abandoned" first family but no way should OP settle for no vacation for herself and her son because this weird old pervert is trying to spend money to make up for his behavior when his first batch of kids were in middle school.

OP he's probably sleeping with his ex on these vacations. You know that, right?

[Anonymous]

Post your profile on Hinge tell you are separated. Looking for a long term partner and travel companion.

You’ll get a free vacation for summer in no time.

I would also add that you are looking for a mentor figure and personal growth so they also add at least $100k to your benefits package for an in-state school tuition

Signed a professional woman with 3 grad degrees who would do just that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Post your profile on Hinge tell you are separated. Looking for a long term partner and travel companion.

You’ll get a free vacation for summer in no time.

I would also add that you are looking for a mentor figure and personal growth so they also add at least $100k to your benefits package for an in-state school tuition

Signed a professional woman with 3 grad degrees who would do just that.

Forgot to add - this should be your full time activity and project while he’s away on vacation with family #1. Don’t feel any guilt - you would be ethically completely correct to do that

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How did you meet and get pregnant when you were 18 and he was 40? Was he your high school teacher?

No, we met at a nightclub, right around graduation.

[Anonymous]

So OP - read it again. Please do it as you are not focused on right man and your priorities are not right.
Worrying about him and his first set of family should be last on your priorities list

Think about it: your value on dating market is estimated in millions of dollars. I’m not joking - that’s how much I got as my divorce settlement after marriage with a large age gap.

His dating value is negative even to women his age as he’s not able to provide even for a decent vacation to mother of his kid

Dump him NOW. Jump on a wealthy last train now that will set you for life.

Go dating !

[Anonymous]

He probably got sick of her when she had to get off of her parent’s health insurance last year at 26 and he realized he could join the AARP next year. Plus 8 year olds are annoying when you’re in your 30s and they’re your first kids, but why ruin a vacation with one when you’re 49? I’m 50 and love spending time with my adult kids, 8 year olds not so much.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You are his second family, and he wants to socialize with the first.

You should never have married him or had a child with him. He's a jerk.

I am not criticizing the age gap, BTW. I have a similar age gap with my husband, who has always prioritized our kids and me.

Wow, you are all over the place. You're saying OP's husband is a jerk for wanting to spend time with his family of origin? Good men don't abandon their families like your husband did, just to be clear.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My husband is my sons biological father, and the three kids are also my husbands kids. I thought it was clear, sorry. OP

So at (hopefully?!?) 18, you got knocked up by a 40-year old?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Hrm. Op, were you the AP, got knocked up (at 21!) and your DH divorced his first wife for you?

Your math is off and it's even worse - OP is 27, her kid is 8, so she had him when she was 19 and since you're pregnant for 9 months before the kid is born...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My husband is my sons biological father, and the three kids are also my husbands kids. I thought it was clear, sorry. OP

So at (hopefully?!?) 18, you got knocked up by a 40-year old?

That is how the math maths... pretty sick.

/in a 12 year age gap relationship.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My husband is my sons biological father, and the three kids are also my husbands kids. I thought it was clear, sorry. OP

Assuming you aren’t a troll. He views his real kids as the ones he had with his ex. He wanted a young wife and was ambivalent about kids so had a shutup kid with you. Your situation is basically how Trump views his children with Ivanka vs his other wives.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How did you meet and get pregnant when you were 18 and he was 40? Was he your high school teacher?

No, we met at a nightclub, right around graduation.

So at 18 years old you met a 40 year old in a nightclub and soon after you got pregnant and married, and now this vacation thing is the first red flag you’re seeing?

[Anonymous]

The Ex should go on a trip with his 3 adult kids, without the ex wife.

Separately, he should take OP and their son on a trip.

This reads a lot as if the Ex wishes he was still intact with original family. I'd be unhappy if my DH went on any kind of a trip with his EX. And I'm an original and only wife and mother.

Any woman here saying it's okay is an Ex who wishes she was still taking vacations and still a family with her ExH.