Husband wants me to be a SAHM after I got fired…what would you do?

[Anonymous]

"I also would never, ever be dependent on someone else for money. You will divorce and have no resources of your own."

She's actually better off if they divorce while she has zero income. She'd get amazing alimony given the discrepancy in their incomes. If they'd divorced when she was earning $350K and he earned $550K, she likely would not have gotten much alimony.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You're married to a narcissist and they love to control their wives. "Don't work! I make plenty!" until they decide to run off with their affair down the road and you find yourself without relevant job skills. Get another job and sock as much money away as you can. Some day you'll thank me.

+1.

Your husband sounds like a dick. I would not quit working even if you have had a rough go at a couple of jobs - I'm not counting the high school and college jobs and find it bizarre that he knows about the exact details of those and that he is.

The only way I would agree is with a post nup with retirement accounts, etc. funded. He probably won't agree to that, however.

[Anonymous]

I’m quite intelligent but also start to half ass and burn out at my jobs. I end up leaving typically 2-3 years in. Work is just boring, frustrating and just not all that fulfilling. I’d jump at the chance to stay home, but my kids are grown (13 and 17), so it’s not as needed. My husband also only makes a bit more than I do, so it indeed would be a big blow to our lifestyle.

[Anonymous]

I'm finding it hard to believe this is real.
If you really made 375, are you prepared to live on half of your previous salary. You need to find a new job, but it can be a lower stress one.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Being a full time SAHM needs good amount of physical and mental and emotional work. Your DH would put in more hours and want you to take on more responsibilities at home, more childcare, tutoring, driving, cooking, paperwork, repair worker management, tax filing, investments, social life, children's social life, sports and activities etc. It just piles up on your plate because when there's only one paycheck is coming, their job becomes more important.

If you are ADHD, its going to be difficult for you. May be that is the reason for your job loss pattern.

Take one year and see how it works out for you before making a more permanent decision. If not then start job hunting.

💯 and OP don’t you dare be sandwich generation on top of this long list of priorities. Get your armor on, your husband is not the last of your worries. This site will cut you down to the white meat as a SAHM…but to be honest it does build your resilience over time. Do your best and keep pushing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m quite intelligent but also start to half ass and burn out at my jobs. I end up leaving typically 2-3 years in. Work is just boring, frustrating and just not all that fulfilling. I’d jump at the chance to stay home, but my kids are grown (13 and 17), so it’s not as needed. My husband also only makes a bit more than I do, so it indeed would be a big blow to our lifestyle.

Are you me? I could have written this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I just got fired from my most recent job, and my husband and I had a conversation. He said he thinks I’m a bad employee and that maybe I should just stay home. That really stung. He even said that maybe I’m just “not cut out for a career” and that he “wants someone more stable” to take care of the kids. He also mentioned that he feels like I’ve been “half-assing”, my jobs and that it’s affecting the family.

We have 9 year old twin boys, and financially, we could manage on his salary—he makes around $575k a year as a partner at a top law firm—but staying home would be a significant shift in our lifestyle.

Looking back, my work history has had some rough spots, and my husband brings up these past jobs as proof:
High school (I was 15): I worked at a retail store and was let go after I made a pretty immature decision. One night, I let my friends hang out in the back storage area after closing hours, even though I knew it wasn’t allowed. The manager caught us and said I was “irresponsible” for not following the rules. I was 15, and looking back, I can see it was a huge mistake to act so casually about something like that, but it was a real wake-up call for me.

College (student rec center job): I worked at the university recreation center, and I missed an early morning shift because I overslept and didn’t notice the schedule change email. They let me go for “reliability issues.” I was juggling school and work, and I honestly felt overwhelmed, but it wasn’t a big deal in the grand scheme of things, just a minor mistake while I was figuring things out.

Post-college : I worked for four years at a company. Toward the end, the company restructured, and my role shifted dramatically. The new expectations were much more fast-paced, and my manager said I wasn’t keeping up with the changes. I was let go after being told my work performance was “falling short.” It felt frustrating but not catastrophic; I learned a lot, and it wasn’t entirely a surprise.

Most recent job (fired a couple months year ago after 7 years): I worked for seven years at a company. The job started out great, but as time went on, my manager began expecting constant, detailed daily updates and rapid turnaround on tasks that kept shifting. There were times when she said I wasn’t being proactive enough or communicating well enough with the team. Eventually, HR got involved and told me they needed to let me go. It was a big blow to my confidence and really hit me hard.

I know my work history isn’t perfect, but it feels harsh to say I shouldn’t work at all because of it. I still like the idea of having my own career and income. At the same time, staying home while the kids are young sounds more and more appealing. I’ve been thinking a lot about what’s best for them and for me, and the idea of being home with the kids, especially with everything that’s happened, is starting to feel like the right choice.

Has anyone else dealt with a spouse pushing for SAHM because of work history? How did you handle that conversation, and how did you decide what was best for your family? I’m honestly leaning towards staying home right now, and just trying to embrace that decision even though it's a big shift.

Look for a new job

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Being a full time SAHM needs good amount of physical and mental and emotional work. Your DH would put in more hours and want you to take on more responsibilities at home, more childcare, tutoring, driving, cooking, paperwork, repair worker management, tax filing, investments, social life, children's social life, sports and activities etc. It just piles up on your plate because when there's only one paycheck is coming, their job becomes more important.

If you are ADHD, its going to be difficult for you. May be that is the reason for your job loss pattern.

Take one year and see how it works out for you before making a more permanent decision. If not then start job hunting.

Get real. SAHM to 9yr olds will be a cakewalk. Stop martyring and enjoy your wonderful life.

[Anonymous]

OP I w a sympathetic with your simpleton post about not being able to keep up but $375k omg.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP I w a sympathetic with your simpleton post about not being able to keep up but $375k omg.

Really can’t reconcile her narrative and her income. Is this like a sales role where it’s all about rapport with clients and contracting officers?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Law partner only makes $575k?

I could see that, depending on law firm and practice area.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You're married to a narcissist and they love to control their wives. "Don't work! I make plenty!" until they decide to run off with their affair down the road and you find yourself without relevant job skills. Get another job and sock as much money away as you can. Some day you'll thank me.

. This poster is spot on. I see the signs already. He’s someone who wants to control you. I would NOT rely on him for financial security. Don’t listen to him, in fact, prove him wrong. I’m 52 and just now starting over. I was with someone who sounds a lot like your husband. He told me I did not have to work as he made enough money. But after 10 years, we are separating. If I had to do it over again I would have never left my job. Please learn from my mistake. And, he should NOT be taking about your high school/college job experience!

[Anonymous]

If he's a partner at a top big law firm and he's only making 575k a year, he's not doing well at his job either.

[Anonymous]

I know few men who had issues with keeping jobs and they are very intelligent and competent, just not interested in unfulfilling work but had to take higher paying jobs. May be you can find a job you actually like.

How are you and DH are at parenting and managing home-life? Is that what's distracting you from your work? May be he can get more engaged and let you focus on your career for few years?

[Anonymous]

Is it possible you have ADHD? I would check for a diagnosis as you seem to have issues that might be untreated and might improve if you looked into it.

You do seem to have a pattern of making bad decisions or not following through/communicating.