Husband wants me to be a SAHM after I got fired…what would you do?

[Anonymous]

Because no one has said it yet, I'm sorry for your job loss and questioning of confidence (and been there.) Agree with person who said you can get fired for no reason (truly.) Also agree that both salaries seem off (hers seemed way too high) and may not be real post. But if it is you will find something better and only be a SAHP (father or mother) if 'you' want to be, not anyone else.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Law partner only makes $575k?

At a “top” firm

He’s 37, so that does seem accurate.

If he took the typical route he's ten plus years out of law school. Partners at a my "top law firm" in DC at that age were making nearly that much twenty years ago, and we're not known as one of the highest paying firms in the city.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:To me, this is a red flag. You need to have money of your own, that he doesn’t control or know about. You should make sure you can live as a single parent if needed. He doesn’t sound very respectful and loving. Look for another job.

To me the red flag is a law firm partner making $575k. Where is this?

We’re on the west coast, chose to move here during Covid.

[Anonymous]

Is OP trolling or is DH lying about his uncle and hiding it?

Regaedless, SAHM is definitely better than a dead end job. You can create a lot of value at home versus bringing home a little extra cash that you don't need.

It's a forgiving role, and improves the overall economy by creating a job for someone else to take, and it's good for your kids, and you can grow to get better at it and you get into part time / gig / educational / hobby / entrepreneur opportunities for future.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She doesn't need "her own" investment accounts since she already owns half of whatever are in each of their accounts, just like he does.

OP- What is the career path you are on? Are you actively moving forward with your career advancement? It does not sound like it, but maybe you left something out. How much were you earning in this last position? How much are you likely to earn in your next position? How old are your children? How old are you and your DH?

I made 325k a year as a Director of Program Management at a mid-sized government contractors. I’m 34 and my husband is 37.

A salary of $325,000 for a Director of Program Management at a mid-sized government contractor is significantly higher than the market average, placing you in the top 1% to 5% of earners for this specific title.

While a typical salary for this role in high-cost hubs like Washington, D.C. or San Diego usually ranges from $185,000 to $235,000, your figure suggests you are likely being compensated for specialized factors.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is OP trolling or is DH lying about his uncle and hiding it?

Regaedless, SAHM is definitely better than a dead end job. You can create a lot of value at home versus bringing home a little extra cash that you don't need.

It's a forgiving role, and improves the overall economy by creating a job for someone else to take, and it's good for your kids, and you can grow to get better at it and you get into part time / gig / educational / hobby / entrepreneur opportunities for future.

Program Director at a Defense Contractor is not a dead end job. She could pivot and work at a smaller contractor (or even better get a job at an FFRDC that is doing okay like Aerospace).

The high school and college stories are silly, it just typical teen stuff -- though I am surprised losing our campus job of scanning people in at the rec center (such an easy job for really good pay) was not more traumatic because your parents had to cover the additional tuition/room&board right? I had an on-campus work study job and it was part of my aid package, and if I had been fired it could mean I have to drop out.

Seven years at a contractor is a solid tenure, and honestly there is a lot of industry change going on with the new administration.

But I suspect with twins and a DH who *REALLY* wants a SAHM like all the other cool law partners, you have been solo parenting in parallel to working.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is OP trolling or is DH lying about his uncle and hiding it?

Regaedless, SAHM is definitely better than a dead end job. You can create a lot of value at home versus bringing home a little extra cash that you don't need.

It's a forgiving role, and improves the overall economy by creating a job for someone else to take, and it's good for your kids, and you can grow to get better at it and you get into part time / gig / educational / hobby / entrepreneur opportunities for future.

Program Director at a Defense Contractor is not a dead end job. She could pivot and work at a smaller contractor (or even better get a job at an FFRDC that is doing okay like Aerospace).

The high school and college stories are silly, it just typical teen stuff -- though I am surprised losing our campus job of scanning people in at the rec center (such an easy job for really good pay) was not more traumatic because your parents had to cover the additional tuition/room&board right? I had an on-campus work study job and it was part of my aid package, and if I had been fired it could mean I have to drop out.

Seven years at a contractor is a solid tenure, and honestly there is a lot of industry change going on with the new administration.

But I suspect with twins and a DH who *REALLY* wants a SAHM like all the other cool law partners, you have been solo parenting in parallel to working.

And $325k is hardly indicative of a dead end job. I would love to make that much.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is OP trolling or is DH lying about his uncle and hiding it?

Regaedless, SAHM is definitely better than a dead end job. You can create a lot of value at home versus bringing home a little extra cash that you don't need.

It's a forgiving role, and improves the overall economy by creating a job for someone else to take, and it's good for your kids, and you can grow to get better at it and you get into part time / gig / educational / hobby / entrepreneur opportunities for future.

Program Director at a Defense Contractor is not a dead end job. She could pivot and work at a smaller contractor (or even better get a job at an FFRDC that is doing okay like Aerospace).

The high school and college stories are silly, it just typical teen stuff -- though I am surprised losing our campus job of scanning people in at the rec center (such an easy job for really good pay) was not more traumatic because your parents had to cover the additional tuition/room&board right? I had an on-campus work study job and it was part of my aid package, and if I had been fired it could mean I have to drop out.

Seven years at a contractor is a solid tenure, and honestly there is a lot of industry change going on with the new administration.

But I suspect with twins and a DH who *REALLY* wants a SAHM like all the other cool law partners, you have been solo parenting in parallel to working.

And $325k is hardly indicative of a dead end job. I would love to make that much.

Kinda sus about that number. I do wonder if the ratio of hers to his is truly as close as this implied...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You can volunteer or get a part time job in an area that fills your cup. Why submit yourself to the humiliation of getting fired by unreasonable bosses over and over again if you don’t have to?

Yes... it's the fault of all those bosses, not that OP is an incompetent employee....

[Anonymous]

Being a full time SAHM needs good amount of physical and mental and emotional work. Your DH would put in more hours and want you to take on more responsibilities at home, more childcare, tutoring, driving, cooking, paperwork, repair worker management, tax filing, investments, social life, children's social life, sports and activities etc. It just piles up on your plate because when there's only one paycheck is coming, their job becomes more important.

If you are ADHD, its going to be difficult for you. May be that is the reason for your job loss pattern.

Take one year and see how it works out for you before making a more permanent decision. If not then start job hunting.

[Anonymous]

What would I do? I would get another job immediately, because it's what I want. I would not let someone else tell me what I will be doing.

[Anonymous]

I'm 18:07. I also would never, ever be dependent on someone else for money. You will divorce and have no resources of your own.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Being a full time SAHM needs good amount of physical and mental and emotional work. Your DH would put in more hours and want you to take on more responsibilities at home, more childcare, tutoring, driving, cooking, paperwork, repair worker management, tax filing, investments, social life, children's social life, sports and activities etc. It just piles up on your plate because when there's only one paycheck is coming, their job becomes more important.

If you are ADHD, its going to be difficult for you. May be that is the reason for your job loss pattern.

Take one year and see how it works out for you before making a more permanent decision. If not then start job hunting.

This. Was the fast pace necessary to keep you interested?

[Anonymous]

Him reacting like this to a job loss after 7 years is a huge red flag imo. You're clearly not an incompetent worker if you had a steady job for 7 years. And lumping in a job when you're 15 is nuts.

What you need to get better at is seeing the writing on the wall when jobs change and switching jobs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm 18:07. I also would never, ever be dependent on someone else for money. You will divorce and have no resources of your own.

If she is married, 50% of their combined resources are already hers.